// OOPS

a little motivation.

2011-12-15T18:07:00.001+08:00

From now till February, Lord, keep me going. Because I know that in you I can do all things, but without you, I labour in vain.

moots 3.

2011-12-14T23:59:00.001+08:00

"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."

//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir

I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.

What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.

end of exams '11.

2011-12-06T00:27:00.007+08:00

"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."

//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance

Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.

Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.

muggin' season.

2011-11-23T11:35:00.002+08:00

"I think some love you can stand to let go of because it’s ultimately for the best, but other types you have to stick with until the day you die even when it’s hard.You have to think about that before you run away from wherever you are."

//Nick Burd; The Vast Fields of Ordinary

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Until the darkness turns to light and all our hopes come to pass, give me the strength I need to hold onto your promises. One done, two more to conquer.

all the small things.

2011-11-20T01:03:00.000+08:00

"人啊，老以為那些讓你神魂顛倒的就是愛。你媽比神魂顛倒還可怕。先是把日子弄得嘰嘰喳喳地讓你害怕安靜，接著成天在你的身邊晃來晃去讓你的視線裡永遠有個大背景，然後把你的口腹養刁，再慢慢讓你的行為無能，最後你會發現，你再也離不開她，所以就只好死心塌地了。"

//我可能不會愛你; Episode 9 <<不驚天動地的驚天動地>>

We always think that love is about the extravagant, about the things that sweep us off our feet. But we forget that love is about the getting used to, the putting up with, the living day-to-day. I remember all the things that I used to be obstinate about and think now that maybe back then, I was looking at myself through frosted glass. Not understanding that it was when we were in reality that we failed.

seven years of love.

2011-11-17T00:13:00.008+08:00

"相爱了七年谁都没有想到它会这么轻易地破碎

尽管如此最后我们还是分手了

留下的只有7年时间累计的无尽的回忆."

//Super Junior Cho Kyuhyun; 7 Years of Love

It has been raining a lot. And this song just completes everything on a rainy day.

Cho Kyuhyun and SJ, how could you make us fall in love with you just like that? It just doesn't seem fair.

chingu.

2011-11-16T00:47:00.000+08:00

"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""

//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping

I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.

crunch crunch.

2011-10-21T23:47:00.005+08:00

"Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever," he said. "You might want to think about that."

"You forget some things, dont you?"
"Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.""

//Cormac Mccarthy; On the Road

This week is really a crunch week like nothing I've experienced before. One research paper and one presentation deadline followed by another research paper and written submissions deadlines and a final year exam in the following week. It's like everyone decided to hit you the hardest when you're already down haha. I don't mind the work actually, but I really have a thing against compiling presentation slides! And not because it's hard to do, but because I'm a little OCD about slides. And once I start, I can't stop and I end up spending hours on something that will probably flash past everyone in a few minutes argh.

Haha but I'm trying my best to find joy in everything I do also, cos I know once the term is over, we'll look back and be amazed that the rubber band has stretched another inch without breaking.

return.

2011-10-19T22:10:00.006+08:00

"History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices."

//Calvin and Hobbes

I've taken all the steps that I could, that I needed to. And now it's no longer in my hands. So keep your side of the bargain, return what belongs to me and then we're done.

reminders.

2011-10-13T11:12:00.001+08:00

"It's not my story anymore: whenever I speak about the past now, I feel as if I were talking about something that has nothing to do with me. All that remains in the present are the voice, the presence, and the importance of fulfilling my mission. I don't regret difficulties I experienced; I think they helped me to become the person I am today."

//Paul Coelho; The Zahir

That was a hard, cold way of reminding me why I need to get up and resolve to place a seal upon my heart each and every day. And of course, I needed it. Needed to remember why I put everything down to run after you and why some things are better left out of sight, out of mind. Step by step, until there are only two more steps to go. You never make it easy for me because you know this is my area of weakness. But I know that you put me through it because it grows my character and one day I will be complete. Slowly, steadily, surely.

eight again.

2011-10-08T23:51:00.001+08:00

"There’s always another storm. It’s the way the world works. Snowstorms, rainstorms, windstorms, sandstorms, and firestorms. Some are fierce and others are small. You have to deal with each one separately, but you need to keep an eye on whats brewing for tomorrow."

//Maria V. Snyder; Fire Study

I didn't have a totally awesome or super chillax week eight. Afterall, this is life in SMU haha. But on the whole, I enjoyed the time I had to catch up on some stuff that's been on my backlog forever and I got some free time to feed my growing kpop addiction as well hahaha! But the highlight has got to be thursday, where we had a superamazing Japanese lunch, watched a really silly movie and had the time to catch up with people we haven't seen in a while. I think I can stay high on the awesomeness of that day and use a little bit of it to tide me through the rest of the term. Now, back to work!

as we pass.

2011-10-07T01:58:00.000+08:00

"I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand... We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love. For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves."

//James Kavanagh; There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves

It always takes some effort and getting used to. And just when I thought I was getting better at it, things happen that tell me that I'm not making as much progress as I hoped I would be. Oh wells, in the first place, these are not things that will work because of effort alone. Maybe it's because I worry too much. I should just let things take their natural course haha.

So much easier said than done.

sos 6.

2011-09-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

"You won't relent until You have it all; my heart is Yours.

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart;
As a seal upon my arm;
For there is love that is as strong as death;
Jealousy demanding as the grave;
And many waters cannot quench this love.

Come be the fire inside of me;
Come be the flame upon my heart;
Come be the fire inside of me;
Until You and I are one."
//Jesusculture; You Won't Relent

I don't want to talk about you as if you're not in the room. I wanna look right at you, wanna sing right to you, tell you that everything that I have is yours. For your strength is made perfect in all my weaknesses.

second chances.

2011-09-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night."

//Khaled Hosseini; The Kite Runner

Today TBH was talking about the law fraternity being a merciless, cutthroat and all-round unforgiving place. That once you have taken a step in the wrong direction, it stays in people's minds for a long time and it becomes very difficult, if not impossible, to ever get past it. So I'm truly thankful that you are different, that you are giving me a second chance even though I did nothing to deserve it. This time, I won't let you down.

friend.

2011-09-17T11:35:00.002+08:00

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward."
//E.E Cummings

I love the conversations that we have and how they always come back to the same thing. That we have walked the same paths, undergone the same experiences and held each other most of the whole way. Thank you for always affirming me in the choices I make and for encouraging me when I needed it. We may not always get to be together, but I know that we have something definitely special.

muffins.

2011-09-14T00:34:00.000+08:00

I am officially in deep, desperate, drowning love with the Amoy Street coffeshop muffins. They are just dying to be eaten. And I can't stop. I just had one chocolate chip with tea while mugging and now I'm craving all the blueberry ones which are not for me and when I don't even like blueberries in the first place. How, oh how can Edmund's Cafe even begin to compare with this awesomeness!

middle of the road.

2011-09-08T23:04:00.003+08:00

"It’s a lie, you know, to pretend that nothing is important to you. It’s hiding. Believe me, I know because I hid for a long time. But now I won’t do it anymore. The truth is bioluminescent. I don’t lie and I don’t waste time on people who do."

//Ellen Wittlinger; Hard Love

Eventually I will have to do this on my own. And the sooner I realise and understand that, the easier it will be in the long run. No need for hand-holding, no need to search for an easy way out, I'm just gonna have to grit my teeth and hold on to my source of strength.

choices.

2011-09-04T00:21:00.005+08:00

"But then, life is a constant withering of possibilities. Some are stolen with the lives of people you love. Others are let go, with regret and reluctance and deep, deep sorrow. But there is compensation for lives unlived in the intoxicating joy of knowing that the life you have - right here, right now - if the one you have chosen. There is power in that, and hope."

//Emily Maguire; Taming the Beast

It was just a few years ago that we were in school together, playing together, growing up together. Now we're strewn across continents, collecting friends and partners that we don't know and have never met and making stilted conversations for the first time. And we are beginning to look different, slowly but surely

And standing where I am, about to plunge into the next phase of my life, I think I can see the impact of choices made in your twenties. That these choices will surely shape you and define you and determine the person you become. That one day, you will stand at that point and look back and be able to judge all that you've done in these eight years before you turn thirty. And the prospects I've seen scare me, just a bit. That people who I knew when I was young are making these same choices each and everyday and are now standing at the point near thirty, looking back and I don't know if they can say with conviction that they really like what they see.

And that just drives home the point for me. That I can spend the next part of my life clutching at withered possibilities or I can start making the choices I need to make. Right here, right now.

fearless.

2011-09-02T11:00:00.004+08:00

Just beginning to learn all over again - the fearlessness of others' opinions of you and who you are.

learning.

2011-08-29T02:08:00.000+08:00

"Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe."

//Barbara de Angelis

Thanks for giving me credit that I didn't really deserve and for thinking of me better than I really am. And for teaching me that in the end, no one is really worth giving it up for.

go on.

2011-08-27T01:11:00.002+08:00

And did you really think that whatever was said would not eventually make its way to me? There's no need for accusations, explanations or justifications. You know as well as I do. Like I said, disappoint away, it's who you let get to you that matters.

year four.

2011-08-24T00:14:00.000+08:00

"They have worries, they're counting the miles, they're thinking about where to sleep tonight, how much money for gas, the weather, how they'll get there -- and all the time they'll get there anyway, you see."

//Jack Kerouac; On the Road

Two really enjoyable weeks of school. Fairly interesting subjects, charming professors, best friends. An unbelievably awesome start to year 4, the beginning of the end. We'll get there sometime, somehow.

antimatter.

2011-08-19T01:05:00.005+08:00

Today I learnt in physical science class that antimatter is a dangerous thing. In a nutshell, I understood antimatter to be the evil twin of matter. So theoretically, if any material substance were to accidentally bump into its antimatter twin, their complementary characteristics would react to cancel each other out, essentially performing what is called a dance of death. The advice our prof jokingly gave us was, never ever seek out your antimatter or you would be consumed. Wow, I don't know what to make of that, but it is just so completely fascinating and oddly poetic.

run here.

2011-08-16T01:16:00.003+08:00

"Something new, they had said. They had a perfect day for it. A day with the blue and gold good weather of anyone's primitive childhood expectations, when the new, brief memory tells itself that this is what is, and therefore was, and therefore will be. A good day to see a new place."

//AS Byatt; Possession

In a moment, we will have used it all away. But for now, we can hold on together in canteens and cafes with conversations and heartohearts, pretending that we still have all the time in the world. Soon, even quicker than soon, we will come to the point where we stand on our own, but for now, for now, we are here and all other those times are running somewhere else.

delivered.

2011-08-11T23:53:00.003+08:00

"There is a point at which everything becomes simple and there is no longer any question of choice, because all you have staked will be lost if you look back. Life’s point of no return."

//Dag Hammarskjöld

It almost feels like waking up from a difficult dream to find that everything was hurled out of place and then re-arranged. Not exactly where you yourself would have placed them if you could have, but arranged in the way that it always should have been. And it's all such a mess of confusion and decisions and excitement and fear, that when you finally get the time to sit down and think about the craziness of it all, I'm just really glad that it's all over. And thankful that at every step of the way, you met me more than halfway.

That you gave me people who stuck it out with me at coffee joints and fastfood places, people who stayed with me into the late nights and early mornings, people who willingly carried me through the sometimes sheer awfulness of it all. I understand that you can't explain everything to everybody, and that sometimes it's enough that those who get it do, but all the same, I know that I've learnt so much through it all. Even now I don't know for sure what lies ahead or how I'm going to make it through the rest of the way, but I know that I will always be safe when you've got my back.

Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?

stillness.

2011-07-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

"I'm a big one for assimilation of everybody. But the basic problems remain the same. People still have existential anxiety, relationship anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom."
//Woody Allen; New York Magazine 40th Anniversary Feature

When the noise around you gets too loud, run back to the place of stillness. The place of safety, where you will be encouraged and loved, where you will find what you need. I know sometimes it's not easy for us to get together and stay together, but last night was everything I enjoy about who we are and I was really touched by the encouragement and the prayers. Now to stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord.

border between heaven and earth.

2011-07-21T22:04:00.001+08:00

"Did you know? The world's largest salt flat is located at Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia. During the rainy season, the water turns it into the world's largest mirror. It's also called the border between heaven and earth."

//Did-you-know tumblr

This is one of the awesomest photos of this Salar de Uyuni place that I've seen so far! It is really just jawdroppingly amazing. Haha, looks like a place that I could really use right now. With that said, I'm really looking forward to Friday, where we can kick back, chill out and just share about our week. I think some of us had a really rough couple of days and I'm just eager to hear from everybody, to heal and be healed. Honestly, sometimes, the build up to the entire thing is worse than facing the thing itself. I'm just so ready to finish everything up and then take the rest of the month off to get some rest. It feels like I've been working non-stop this whole summer and I really need some serious pick-me-up before I start school.

Surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach me, for You are my hiding place.

MIP.

2011-07-15T21:52:00.000+08:00

Just found several news extracts about the pro bono case that I worked on while I was interning with PT! Apparently, they have it on todayonline, xinmsn and asiaone. We were all really excited when the sentence was passed cos we thought he was going to get a heavier term than what he got but it all turned out pretty well in the end. The only thing that's not so nice is probably how all the newspapers took the slant that he was smuggling stuff in for the inmates and how the xinmsn photo makes him look like some kind of hardened criminal. Which is completely only one half of the truth.

If they had taken the effort to get to know Mr. Ng and his family background and how hard he has worked to bring up his children, I think the articles could have had a completely different slant. And most annoyingly, nobody mentioned that the whole thing started from altruistic and compassionate reasons, that he had only wanted to help the inmates out because they were working in such an unpleasant environment. Oh wells, sometimes you can't explain everything to everybody.

growing up.

2011-07-10T23:58:00.001+08:00

"Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important: they did occur, and so be it. From there onward we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild."

//Paulo Coelho

I just realised that this was the first place that I interned at and this will probably be the last place that I will intern at. And interestingly, in those two years, I have made one full circle to be able to see where I came from and where I am going. Something he said struck me and made me wonder, has it really been that long? And by accident, I found one of my old qt journals and while flipping through it, I realised how truly difficult that period of my life was. That once upon a time, I thought that it would all end here and I would never be able to get myself out. But then as I read on and the entries changed, I understood just how faithful he has been, how he has stood shoulder to shoulder with me through it all.

And as I look back on that part of my life, I found that I could say with conviction that, that was just one part of who I ever will be. Is this what growing old feels like? That portions of your life that you thought would always be stuck in pain and hurt could really move on and allow you to become stronger?

If that is what it is all about, then I'm ready to grow up.

jehovahjireh.

2011-07-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

"And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh [that is, The Lord will provide]; as it is said to this day, "In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.".

//Genesis 22:14 (NKJV Version)

But go and learn what this means. He is Jehovah Jireh, Yahweh Yireh, the one who supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory. He has seen and He will provide. Again and again. What else have I to fear?

battles.

2011-07-05T01:37:00.001+08:00

"We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man."
//C.S. Lewis; The Case for Christianity

I'm not afraid of not knowing where to go. I'm afraid that I already know where I want to go but that there will be so many people who pull me in different directions, telling me one thing and another. Another nineteen days to go. Excited, trembling but almost all-ready to make my decisions and fight my battles.

you should know better.

2011-06-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

"You should know better than that;
And before you go on breaking my heart;

And I fall even deeper in love;
And my lungs screaming out “can you hear me?”
You should know better than that."

//Andy Grammer; You Should Know Better (LIVE @ Troubadour)

This man's got an amazing dose of heart and soul and boy, can he sing. The full release of his album is officially slated for 14th June, can't wait at all! When, oh when will we ever see him live on our sunny island?

Pentēkostē.

2011-06-12T18:37:00.000+08:00

"And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions. Even on the male and female servants, in those days I will pour out my Spirit."

//Joel 2: 28 -29 (English Standard Version)

Nothing compares to the place where I can see you face to face. Where there is nothing left to hide, no words left to say and I am only left with the utter amazingness of who you are. How do you begin to understand when you stand on the outside and look in like a spectator? How do you begin to experience the depth and breadth of the entirety of what he did? How do you begin to know and love all that he is?

I called, you answered. And you came to my rescue and I, have to be where you are. In the end, it's as simple as that. Happy Pentecost Sunday :)

chillin'.

2011-06-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

"There are so few people given us to love. I want to tell my daughters this, that each time you fall in love it is important, even at nineteen. Especially at nineteen. And if you can, at nineteen, count the people you love on one hand, you will not, at forty, have run out of fingers on the other. There are so few people given us to love and they all stick."

//Anne Enright; The Gathering

There is nothing better than chilling with friends you haven't hung with out in the longest time on a drizzly Saturday afternoon over wings, pizzas, and frappes. Just talking, just sharing, just being authentic. I don't think I will ever tire of hearing peoples' stories; the things they go through, the hurts they have, the ways they learn to have faith in those that they love. And in some ways, it made me think of the ways in which we've grown since we entered Uni and it made me miss the days we spent in utter innocence. When being nice was all that you needed to know about somebody, when hanging out meant we loitered endlessly in coffeeshops, when our only worry was making trainings and tutorials. From when in time did it turn into choices, decisions, lines drawn in the sand?

So let your heart be broken, let your temper be lost. Let your scars heal, let your life go on. What is broken and rebuilt can only be stronger. Beauty is only ever found in imperfection.

pick up.

2011-06-11T02:39:00.004+08:00

"But he hadn’t been overwhelmed to the point of incapacity. The after-effects had not weakened or permanently damaged him. Perhaps he’d even been strengthened. That’s what bad events were supposed to do to you, provided you were tough enough to start."

//Rachel Anderson; Red Moon

I've been so distracted and tired this whole week that it feels a bit like I'm trying too darn hard to do so many things at the same time that I'm beginning to run on empty. Maybe in all the hustles and bustles, I forgot to look to who I am and what I live for. Forgot that I am not valued for where I've gone, what I've done or how I look. Forgot that I am yours, And where else am I better reminded of this than on Fridays? In the brief moments I had though, I'm grateful for the people and friends I've met this week, thankful for the advice, the kindness and the heartstohearts.

Fall down, pick yourself up. Over and over, begin again.

close focus.

2011-06-02T01:26:00.000+08:00

"But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That's the only lasting thing you can create."

//Chuck Palahniuk; Choke

I guess it's only when I have to do it that I realise it takes a whole lot of effort, commitment and planning to even get one session started. I've been ~~trying to work on it~~ working on it pretty much the whole week but I'm still super anxious about how it all turns out. Which frankly is silly, considering that in the end, he's probably gonna come and take control of the whole situation just like we always knew he would. Still, I can appreciate all the hard work that goes into it now, ha.

SUMMER/FALL LOVESWANTSDESIRES

2011-05-30T00:53:00.000+08:00

Some of these looks are oh, so lovely. Not saying they're all wearable of course.

ASOS Spring/Fall Looks 2011

Monki Nadja Summer Dress / TEXTILE oversized print blazer

Lauren Moffatt Fall Looks 2011

Assorted Zara Street Looks May 2011

For Work: Top-row H&M / Bottom-row Chaiken & Capone Fall 2011

《瘋狂世界》+《候鳥》+《一顆蘋果》

2011-05-25T10:19:00.002+08:00

"如果說了後悔　是不是一切就能倒退;
回憶多麼美　活著多麼狼狽;
為什麼這個世界　總要叫人嚐傷悲;
我不能了解　也不想了解."

//五月天; 《瘋狂世界》+《候鳥》+《一顆蘋果》@ DNA Live

I love May, to me it is always the brightest, most alive month of the year. And what's May without a few Mayday songs? They're still the same Mayday that they were 16 years ago, full of dreams, hope and life. Sitting in a cafe last night named after them, with good friends, good food and good conversation, it was a simply amazing experience. The best way to celebrate the end of May.

twentytwo.

2011-05-23T02:07:00.001+08:00

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but often I end up somewhere that I needed to be."

//Douglas Adams; The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul

Maybe it's true what people say that time passes really quickly after your twenty-first birthday, that everything goes by faster than you can hold on to and before you know it, bam you're full on into your thirties without even knowing what hit you. Or maybe it's just the perception of time right now is a lot more fluid than it should be. How can it not be when your whole life stretches out ahead of you so that you can choose to be whoever you want to be, live it out the way you meant it to, leave nothing behind. And for that, I'm grateful to be where I am right now, in a place where I never thought I could be, with people who love and surprise my beyond my wildest imaginations.

Thank you for everything, the love, the effort, the friendships, the everything in between. Twentytwo is not the end of a chapter, it's only the very beginning.

change.

2011-05-12T02:12:00.000+08:00

"But just by observing the adults around me I understood very early on that life goes by in no time at all, yet they're always in such a hurry, so stressed out by deadlines, so eager for now that they needn't think about tomorrow. But if you dread tomorrow, it's because you don't know how to build the present, and when you don't know how to build the present, you tell yourself you can deal with it tomorrow, and it's a lost cause anyway because tomorrow always ends up becoming today, don’t you see? That's what the future is for: to build the present, with real plans, made by living people."

//Muriel Barbery; The Elegance of the Hedgehog

In the midst of sea change and separation, it is sometimes difficult to begin to make sense of it all. In these times, Ecclesiastes reminds me that there is a time for everything, a season for every activity. There will be a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up. Maybe we don't understand why things have fallen this way, maybe this is not how we wanted or thought it would all turn out but I think that the time for change is now. And I think I know the type of change that I want. It's not really about freedom, listening or opening up even though all the above will be nice.

I think it's about learning to have heart and soul.

overandover.

2011-05-09T21:01:00.001+08:00

"Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do;

It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you;

It's the wrong time for somebody new;
It's a small crime and I got no excuse;
And is that all right, yeah?"
//Damien Rice feat. Lisa Hannigan; 9 Crimes (Live from Abbey Road)

You would give up everything; all of the songs, all the success, the music and the experience just to have her back in your life. Just like that, no questions asked. Well, you should have held on when it mattered and now it's too late.

came to my rescue.

2011-05-07T00:02:00.004+08:00

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him."

//Lamentations 3:21-23 (NIV)

You come through for me again and again and I can find no words to describe your grace. That I do nothing to deserve your attention yet you uphold me with your righteous right hand, you answer before I call. I know beyond doubt that all this is not by my own strength, be lifted high in all that you've made me to be.

L'élégance du hérisson

2011-04-30T03:29:00.001+08:00

This is going to ramble on for just a bit.

I caught onto The Elegance of the Hedgehog a little late, after all the hype and hullabaloo had died down. Apparently, it was a best-seller in France having sold over a million copies there. But, I guess there's always some good in coming to something after all the popularity and noise has faded. For the uninitiated, there are really huge clumps of philosophical, musical, manga and literary references in this novel so if you're unfamiliar with her references, it may get a little tiring at times. At some points, the novel also reads more like an extended collection of essays than a story with a unified plot. But, the end was heartbreakingly bittersweet that will move you to a little bit of tears :) All in all, it was a wonderful read.

Still, I think one of the funniest parts was her observation on the uses and purposes of philosophy. Sometimes during LTP, I also felt like that haha. The following is an extract from the book on the philosophies of Kant and Husserl:

"Which brings us to the second question: what do we know of the world?

I dealists like Kant have an answer to this question. What do they answer? They answer: not a great deal. Transcendental idealism holds that we can know only that which appears to our consciousness can say about it because of what it has perceived - and nothing else.

Let us take an example, at random: a sweet cat, by the name of Leo. Why? Because I find it easier with a cat. And let me ask you: how can you be certain that it really is a cat and, likewise how can you even know what a cat is? A healthy reply would consist in emphasising the fact that your perception of the animal, complemented by a few conceptual and linguistic mechanisms, has enabled you to constitute your knowledge.

But the response of the transcendental idealist would be to illustrate how impossible it is to know whether what we perceive and conceive of as a cat […] It may well be that my cat - at present I perceive him as an obese quadrupled with quivering whiskers and I have filed him away in my mind in a drawer labelled "cat" - is in actual fact, and in his very essence, a blob of green sticky stuff that does not meow.

[…] But there is an even more depressing theory than that one, a theory that offers a prospect even more depressing than that of innocently caressing a lump of green drool of dropping our toast every morning into a pustular abyss we had mistaken for a toaster.

[…] This is the idealism of Edward Husserl… According to Husserl's theory, all that exists is the perception of the cat. And the cat itself? Well, we can just do without it. Bye-bye kitty. Who needs a cat? What cat? Henceforth, philosophy will claim the right to wallow exclusively in the wickedness of pure mind. The world in an inaccessible reality and any effort to know it is futile. What do we know of the world? Nothing. As all knowledge is merely reflective consciousness exploring its own self, the world, therefore, can merrily go to the devil.

This is phenomenology: the “science of that which appears to our consciousness.” How does a phenomenologist spend his day? He gets up, fully conscious as he takes his shower that he is merely soaping a body whose existence has no foundation, then he wolfs down a few slices of toast and jam that have been nihilized, slips on some clothes that are the equivalent of an empty set of parentheses, heads for his office, and then snatches up a cat.

[…]

But enough of phenomenology: it is nothing more than the solitary, endless monologue of consciousness, a hardcore autism that no real cat would ever importune."

Haha, at first read, I thought this brought out some of my gripes with philosophy pretty well. I like it, it's a matter of analysing who we are, but sometimes it goes too far, and it loses any real connection to what happens in real life.

But then I was led to a blog post discussing the relevance of this novel to the religious experience which kinda linked to a conversation I had with a friend about another book, Justice for Hedgehogs by Dworkin. Some background is necessary: If you look at the title, it is derived from an Isaiah Berlin essay which discusses the difference between foxes and hedgehogs. Basically, it is about two ways of seeing or knowing the world. Either you are a fox who draws on a wide variety of experiences or you a hedgehog who sees it through one defining idea.

How this relates to the religious experience is in the difference between God and humans and I thought he described the analogy really poetically. According to him:

Berlin took the name of his book from the Greek poet Archilochus’ statement, “The fox knows many little things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.” [...]

My intention is not to go into Berlin’s text, but Archilochus’ phrase brings to mind two slightly different ways of knowing than Berlin discusses: simple apprehension and discursive knowledge. According to Aquinas, spirits (that is, angels) as well as God, know by simple apprehension. When they know an object, they grasp its essence of the object, its quiddity or “whatness” along with all of its accidents in one single act of knowing. Human beings, a hylomorphic unity of body and soul, do not have the power of simple apprehension. Humans know by discursive reasoning. When a human apprehends an object, it is only partial, and perfect knowledge is gained only by synthesis or syllogizing.Accordingly, spirits are the hedgehog who “know only one thing”; humans are the foxes who “know many little things.”

The reason this is important as relates to the book is that both Renee and Poloma are illustrations of discursive reasoning at work. Both proceed from what is known to what is not known. What is known is the stirring of the heart at the story of Levin and Kitty, the fall of a rosebud on the table, the shiver of delight at the sound of Mozart, the repugnance of phenomenology and nominalism, and the allure of Japan. What is unknown is love, truth, and beauty.

Both Renee and Paloma reason discursively to arrive at the knowledge of love, the knowledge of beauty. Human beings cannot grasp the essence of love or beauty in an instant; we must arrive at such knowledge by experience, by piecing together bits of what we know over time, imperfectly and slowly, but nevertheless, humanly. Human beings are foxes. But we are foxes capable of becoming hedgehogs.The Elegance of the Hedgehog unintentionally provides an excellent theological anthropology. Human beings are somewhere between earth and heaven, body and spirit. They are trapped in time and yet desire eternity. They are limited and yet desire transcendence. They know imperfectly and yet long for perfect knowledge."

[Emphasis mine]

I guess the whole point of this was two-fold. One, the novel wasn't perfect but it was amazing at certain parts and I think it's worth a read. Two, I think I was trying to get at why people I speak to can be in a dilemma like the one described above. To understand why we sometimes get the feeling that there needs to be a reason to life. Of course, everyone reaches their own conclusion but I like how we hold out hope for there to be an ending point, a point where we can reach a perfect understanding that persists for eternity. A gift of understanding that does not require analytical judgement or reasoning that proceeds from either cause or effect.

Practically speaking, for the two atheist characters in the novel, the pursuit of beauty in nature was the closest they could come to an understanding of God. For you then, what is your understanding of God?

time wounds, all heal.

2011-04-29T02:01:00.000+08:00

"They didn't recognise me," I repeat.

He stops in turn, hand still on my arm.
"It is because they have never seen you," he says. "I would recognise you anywhere."

//Muriel Barbery; The Elegance of the Hedgehog

Know that you are fifty kinds of special and all different kinds of tough. Know that they can't judge you because they see only what you show them. Know that there are some answers that you don't ever need to find out, that sometimes even the person who needs to face up to them doesn't know what the heck is going on as well. Time wounds, all heal.

we sing, we dance.

2011-04-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

//Oscar Wilde

Whoa, down tiger. Down. I know it's not always that you get a day out. But today, it was totally, awesomely crazy. Haven't felt like this in a long, oh really long time. It was like we had put on scarlet shoes and we could have danced all night.

oh, life.

2011-04-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

“There’s a widespread notion that children are open, that the truth about their inner selves just seeps out of them. That’s all wrong. No one is more covert than a child, and no one has greater cause to be that way. It’s a response to a world that’s always using a tin-opener on them to see what they are on the inside, just in case it ought to be replaced with a more useful type of tinned foodstuff."

//Peter Høeg; Miss Smilla's Sense of Snow

Is your life turning out the way you expected it to? Are you making it safely through the turns and the twists, the let-downs and the disappointments? Today S shared about his past five years studying culinary arts in TP. He said that when he started out, he thought that it would just be something to pass his years in school, but over time, he understood that it had become more than that. It had turned into a lifelong passion, an important element of who he was, and he could not imagine it not being part of his life. And it made me wonder - how many of us are fortunate enough to find something that we care so deeply about? And are we as intensely passionate about the things that we are doing now, in this stage of our lives?

I hope we are, because that's the best way to roll.

becoming different.

2011-04-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

"What was the real point of escaping, Helene wondered, chasing through your life so fast? Be consistent, be consistent, Helene whispered to herself, and as she heard herself whispering, she said out loud, in a firm voice, the concluding words of Buchner's Lenz: Inconsistent, inconsistent."

//Julia Franck; The Blind Side of the Heart

I guess at the end of it all, the process of becoming different is difficult to understand, unless it is seen in context and in hindsight. While we're in the midst of all the flow that has been going on, the best thing to do is to hold on, hold on until it gets better, until order is restored, until we see patterns in the chaos.

Head above water, you best be paddling fast, my dear.

there and back.

2011-04-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

"Experience is the most brutal of teachers but you learn. My God, do you learn."

//CS Lewis

The beginning starts off easy, the middle writes itself, the ending is almost always the toughest part. How do you put the threads of an amazing experience into words? Where do you begin to describe a journey that took almost a year and was full of ups, downs and all sorts of in-betweens? Honestly, if I could stand at the starting point where it all began, I don't think I could have taken the plunge with as much courage and blind faith again. But I'm so, so glad that we did. That we worked our guts out endlessly through late nights and early mornings, that we laughed as hard as we cried together, that we weren't afraid of what people would think of us, that we were blessed with the most amazingly patient ~~stand-in~~ coach ever.

So thankyou for the friendships, the lessons, the food, the laughter, the tears, the jokes, the heartaches and heartbreaks, the fun, the hugs and everything else in-between. It's been such a difficult and sometimes, painful journey, But it was all worth it to have you all at the end :)

jump-off-point.

2011-03-30T03:51:00.000+08:00

"Odd pushed himself to keep walking, one step at the time, remembering when he had walked with ease and never thought twice about the miracle of putting one foot in front of the other and pushing the world towards you."

//Neil Gaiman; Odd and the Frost Giants

All down, only one thing left to do. I'm tired beyond belief but my jumping off point is here.

And I'm think I'm ready to go. If I'm not ready now, then I don't know if I ever will be.

the room is burning, let's take it slow.

2011-03-27T13:16:00.001+08:00

"It's not a silly little moment, it's not the storm before the calm.

This is the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to, so I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you, we pulled too many false alarms."

//John Mayer; Slow Dancing in a Burning Room (Webster Hall; LIVE)

Don't you think we ought to know by now, don't you think we should have learned somehow?

b'rucha.

2011-03-26T17:47:00.010+08:00

"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?"

//Numbers 23:19 (NIV)

Who am I that you are mindful of me? What have I given to make you care for me? Yet, when you bless, as usual I am overwhelmed by your favour. From now till the end of my journey, guide me. Overshadow me. Be on my left and on my right. Be at my front and at my back. Cover me from above and from beneath. Be in every eye that sees me, in every tongue that speaks to me, in every heart that perceives me.

Be my all in all.

pe'ēr tachath 'êpher.

2011-03-21T01:51:00.002+08:00

"You know, it’s quite a job to start loving somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment, in the very beginning, when you have to jump across a precipice: if you think about it you don’t do it. I know I’ll never jump again."
//Jean Paul Satre; Nausea

I think that I'm on the point of realising that I can't make all things right for everybody. That beyond a certain limit, if that is how things are going to fall, it's really just out of my hands. I don't think I'm giving up or ceding ground, it's just that I have better things and people to spend my time, energy and commitment on. I've really learnt a lot from all that was said, but I'm ready to move on.

living.

2011-03-18T02:24:00.002+08:00

"You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed. [She] has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

//Luke 10:41 (NIV)

On Friday, somehow the topic wandered off to graduation, life in university and just looking back on those four years in general. Maybe it was because some amongst us were graduating or maybe it was because this week's assignment crunch time and a lot of people are just dealing with awful groupmates, but again it reminded me that there are barely 600plus days to go in this journey. And somehow in the past week, people have been asking about my graduation and I've been getting the same reaction mostly haha. They always say, ohmy so fast! Can't believe you're in third year already!

And when I see people reflecting on that chapter of their life, it reminds me that soon I'll be embarking on the same journey and it makes me nostalgic, reflective and pensive all at the same time. I want to make every day I have left here count. I want to make sure that I do all that I always wanted to do. I want to make sure that when I look back, I can say that I'm grateful for every day that I was given here.

anchored soul.

2011-03-06T23:57:00.000+08:00

"That’s the way you live this life. Each day, one at a time. Now, if you spend your whole life worryin’ about something that’s gonna happen, before you know it, your life’s over and you spent an awful lot of it just worryin’. Hey, you heard that? Now that’s what life’s all about. Laughin’ and lovin’ each other. And knowin’ that people aren’t really gone when they die. We have all the good memories to sustain us until we see ‘em again."

//Laura Ingalls Wilder; Little House on the Prairie

The official announcement was finally made today. Knowing about it for weeks already doesn't make the parting any easier. Well, it's true that we've been together a long time and I never thought that it would end. But though it's hard to say goodbye, I know that there are so many better things in store for us ahead. There's nothing to be sad about, we didn't make forever here, but forever is at the end of the road.

someone like you.

2011-03-04T11:55:00.000+08:00

"I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I beg, I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

//Adele; Someone like You (BBC Live Lounge)

estel.

2011-03-04T03:54:00.001+08:00

"I amar prestar aen, han mathon ne nen, han mathon ne chae a han noston ned 'wilith."

//Galadriel; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Rewatching Lord of the Rings again from the start makes me realise that there are a lot of random, poetic lines inserted throughout the show. Especially at strange parts, like when they're hiding from the riders of Rohan and Legolas makes a random comment on the red sun meaning that blood was spilled last night. Oh wells, I still love all the parts where Elvish is spoken, makes me want to be able to speak Elvish all over again.

ready.

2011-03-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation; half of my heart takes time."

//John Mayer; Half of my heart

I cannot begin to imagine the depth and breadth of all that is on your mind, the things that enthrall you, the things that excite you, the things that make you fall apart. I cannot begin to fathom all that you are, your complexity, your imperviousness, your realities. What would you make of this halfway house that we occupy, caught somewhere in between fear and fearlessness. What would it take to tear you into two, so that you stop running, stop hiding, stop playing make-believe.

Be staunched, my bleeding heart. You knew where reckless abandon would lead you.

syrup&honey.

2011-02-26T04:16:00.001+08:00

"Don't you be wasting all your money on syrup and honey;

Because I'm sweet enough;

Don't you be using every minute on making a living;

Because we've got our love;

Listen to me 1, 2, 3;

Oh baby, baby, baby, spend your time on me."

//Duffy; Syrup and Honey (LIVE BBC One Sessions at LSO St. Lukes)

If only we all understood and we all did.

week-eight.

2011-02-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

"I wish in the city of your heart you would let me be the street where you walk when you are most yourself. I imagine the houses: It has been raining, but the rain is done and the children kept home have begun opening their doors."

//Robley Wilson

I'm not done with the week yet. There are so many more things that need to be done. Like sitting in a coffee house with my books for hours on end, like listening to acoustic guitars and gravelly voices in dark, quiet spots with best friends and amazing food, like going for a night drive with my ipod for miles and miles to stretch until I wind up alongside the beach front in the early morning. But still, I loved the moments that I had to spare. The moments when I discovered chaos, uncertainty and quarks and realised the immense possibility of this world, the moments when we winded up having ice-cream talking of the things we had not yet left behind, the moments where we shrieked our hearts out in the absolute neurotic mess of a psycho-ballet film.

704 odd days before we move on again. I can't bear to let go, just yet.

of hatchbacks and fast cars.

2011-02-17T10:59:00.002+08:00

"This town don't feel mine; I'm fast to get away far.

It feels good to know you're all mine.

Now drive me far away; I don't care where, just far away."

//Deftones; Be quiet and drive (far away)

I love driving, I really do. So I'm ultra-excited that I've finally got my license! No more going down the long way to the awful Ubi driving centre, no more winding through the awful circuit lanes, no more nagging from my driving uncle, woohoo :) I think I love driving so much that my dears, I would drive you all day and night to wherever you wanted to go, as long as you asked me to.

Now, just get me a suzukiswiftasthewind, ice green please!

all in between.

2011-02-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

"Life is funny, isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is suddenly west and you're lost."

//Cecelia Ahern; Where Rainbows End

The lessons you teach are never easy. They always take time, always require humility and almost always involve some breaking of heart. And despite all the pain of being moulded into your peg, I realise that the most important thing is how your lessons have the tendency to cut straight through everything else that is happening in my life to show me who and what I need to hold closest to my heart. And whenever I am going through these lessons, I am always forced to ask myself, how important is everything else in the light of the plan that is set out for me?

So time and again, I am reminded. That some things come together for a reason, fall apart for a reason, stay apart for a reason. That other things will come in for a reason, stay there for a reason and grow into better things for a reason.

Where I am now is a good place to be. Whatever else that I cannot change, I give it to you.

times.

2011-02-10T11:18:00.004+08:00

"I hear You say,
'My love is over. It's underneath. It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken. The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting. The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain. I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache. I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends. It never ends."

//Times; Tenth Avenue North (Live)

firm footing.

2011-01-29T17:49:00.002+08:00

"Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. Solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence. Time and distance blur the edges; then suddenly the beloved has arrived, and it's noon with its merciless light, and every spot and pore and wrinkle and bristle stands clear."

//Margaret Atwood; Der blinde Mörder (The Blind Assassin)

There must be a reason; that even after I've put it down, closed the door and moved forward, that you would reappear in such a strange and dramatic manner. So much so, that surely it cannot be sheer coincidence, surely it cannot be a mere chancing upon; there has to be some explanation. And maybe in some ways, it was a test; a test to see how firm my footing really is, to check to see if anything of you could still make my heart twist. I thought about it for a night and a half and this morning I filled in the blanks. It really doesn't matter anymore whether everything that we did and you told me was black and white, truth and no greys. It really doesn't matter what you say or do or put in full view of everyone else. Hand on my heart, I've given it over and it doesn't hurt anymore. If I should know the reason, perhaps one day I will be shown the way to it. If not, I'm done searching. After all, you were the one who taught me not to ask for reasons, explanations or anything in between because when things change, nothing else cuts it anymore.

Still, in all this, I'm thankful that you've showed me the weaknesses in myself and the things I need to change. And I'm even more grateful that your coming and going showed me who the people who truly cared for me are. I won't make the mistake of shying away from whatever comes my way after this. I just need to remember who deserves first place in my life.

By your light, I walk through darkness.

shift.

2011-01-26T21:44:00.004+08:00

"Ultimately though, it's living people that frighten me the most. It's always seemed to me that nothing could be scarier than a person, because as dreadful places can be, they're still just places; and no matter how awful ghosts might seem, they're just dead people. I always thought that the most terrifying things anyone could ever think up were the things living people came up with. "
//Banana Yoshimoto; Hardboiled and Hard Luck

Everything in its time, I understand. But sometimes I wish my shift of perspective would hurry up on its way here so that the gap would close up and be whole and living things could grow and walk over it again.

reality.

2011-01-25T23:54:00.001+08:00

"One sticks one’s finger into the soil to tell by the smell in what land one is: I stick my finger in existence — it smells of nothing. Where am I? Who am I? How came I here? What is this thing called the world? What does this world mean? Who is it that has lured me into the world? Why was I not consulted, why not made acquainted with its manners and customs instead of throwing me into the ranks, as if I had been bought by a kidnapper, a dealer in souls? How did I obtain an interest in this big enterprise they call reality? Why should I have an interest in it? Is it not a voluntary concern? And if I am to be compelled to take part in it, where is the director? I should like to make a remark to him. Is there no director? Whither shall I turn with my complaint?"

//Søren Kierkegaard; Repetition: Letters from the Young Man

On the one hand, Bertrand Russell could not stand believing in God or the mysticism surrounding religion that he wrote a whole book to explain why he could not call himself a Christian. On the other hand, he freely admitted that "three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed [his] life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind." And he mentioned that if he found himself before God on his death, he would "reproach Him for not giving us enough evidence." That's why I find in people I've spoken to as well, the urge to slide back-and-forth along this continuum of longing for love, acceptance, truth and the need to be logical, rational and in control.

Where you fall and decide to stay on the continuum is entirely up to you. But don't come in thinking that you will label me and thereby negate all that I am.

moot 2

2011-01-20T02:22:00.000+08:00

"Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousands or tens, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us, there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know."

//Lauren Oliver; Before I Fall

This week so far has been nothing short of crazy. All eighteen-hour work days and no sleep at nights in project room 4.15. Just another twenty-two hours to go before it all ends, can't wait. Funny how we've gone from doubt to this in half a year's time and wonder what else could be in waiting for us three months down the road. Maybe we are really only the smallest fry of them all, but it doesn't matter not when we know we spilled coffee, tea, chocs, snacks and all types of guts to get this done. Girls, we should be so proud of what we've done.

unreasonable heart.

2011-01-18T00:31:00.007+08:00

"Imagine that human existence is defined by an Ache: the Ache of our not being, each of us, the centre of the universe; of our desires forever outnumbering our means of satisfying them."

//Jonathan Franzen; How to be Alone: Essays

He's right. In the end, we see our dreams as untenable, unreachable, unattainable only because deep-down, we are so entrenched in our comfort zones that we have been wired to be ultra-conformists. We are so scared of stepping out for the sake of maintaining our comfortable lifestyles. There is nothing innately wrong in that, if only our definition of a comfortable life did not keep changing, the bar did not keep getting higher. It's not just about having to give unreasonable time or effort, it's about whether we dare to give it an unreasonable amount of heart.

mon amour pour toi est éternel.

2011-01-14T00:47:00.001+08:00

"You were made perfectly to be loved - and surely I have loved you, in the idea of you, my whole life long."

//Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Frankly, I don't know why and I don't know if I will ever know why. But I think of Bob Sorge and the intensity of his journey to arrive at the secret place and I marvel at how easily we acknowledge that his love is like fire and forget that fire burns, consumes, depletes and destroys before it cauterises, treats and heals.

If love like fire brings me to the secret place, then consume all of me and leave nothing behind.

lead me all the way.

2011-01-13T01:11:00.002+08:00

"What no person has a right to do is to delude others into the belief that faith is something of no great significance, or that it is an easy matter, whereas it is the greatest and most difficult of all things."

//Søren Kierkegaard via John Irving; A Prayer for Owen Meany

I know that you cannot explain everything to everyone in the way that they want to or need to hear it. And I know that some answers will never satisfy those who are looking for something that even they cannot explain. But a lot of times it strikes home for me. Especially when I'm faced with the question of people asking, ultimately what do you want out of life? And I think Fanny Crosby put it really nicely centuries ago. Simply, that when my spirit clothed immortal; wings its flight through realms of day;

This my song through endless ages; Jesus led me all the way.

超級星光大道7: 邻家王子

2011-01-05T09:53:00.001+08:00

//12.26.2010 超級星光大道結果揭曉

The last results show before the list of the final ten contestants. I already knew before hand that 邻家王子 would be going home in this episode but it was still surprisingly touching. It's okay, 观众的眼睛是雪亮的。

twentyeleven.

2010-12-31T23:53:00.002+08:00

"The physical reinvention of the world is endless, relentless, fascinating, exhaustive; nothing that seems solid is. If you could stand at just a little distance in time, how fluid and shape-shifting physical reality would be, everything hurrying into some other form, even concrete, even stone.

//Mark Doty; Dog Years: A Memoir

If twentyonine was a journey, then twentyten was an exploration in every sense of the word. Twentyten was a year of firsts and lasts, beginnings and endings, and sometimes, most of the time, it was both. It was a year just like I hoped it would be and more and because of that, I am amazed by the grace and glory of the one who leads me. For I am reminded of how little I know, how little I can see beyond the tip of my nose, that he who sees me from start to finish should say in my quiet moments, you see I knew how it would turn out all along.

So thank you for the end of adolescence and the beginning of adulthood. Thank you for late-night mugging and the reward exceeding everyone's expectations. Thank you for unending beaches, lovely sunsets and beauty beyond imagination. Thank you for the people who saw me through, held my hand and picked me up at every curve and bump, every up and down of this year.

Thank you for twentyten, in the end I enjoyed every single minute of it. Have a blessed next year, I can hardly wait :)

25DEC2010.

2010-12-25T23:09:00.002+08:00

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. [...] For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

//Isaiah 9:2, 6

Time and again, I am reminded that this is a journey, this is a season of my life, this is a fraction of who I was made to become. This December, I am thankful for Eps and the Hoyts who have taught me that by grace, one can accomplish so much more than the human mind can ever imagine. And I am reminded of the parable of the hidden treasure and the pearl. That the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Reminded that I must know where my treasure truly lies, for where my treasure is, there my heart will be also.

And my treasure is not what I read, not what I think, not who people think I am, not my grades, not my friends, not those who came in or passed me by. My treasure is you and you only. For everything that has been given to me by grace and favour is not for my pride nor for me to boast in, but everything I am, for your kingdom's cause.

Lifted high, in the only place that feels right. Blessed Christmas to one and all :)

imagine.

2010-12-24T23:59:00.001+08:00

"I can only imagine/What it will be like, when I walk by your side
I can only imagine/What my eyes will see/when your face/is before me
I can only imagine/I can only imagine."

//Mercyme; I can only imagine

Even what I can imagine will not be able to contain the wonder of who you are to me. Beyond, so way beyond what my heart and mind will ever be able to contain.

o-hana.

2010-12-24T23:37:00.006+08:00

"Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God."

//Toni Morrison; Paradise

I enjoyed the one-and-a-half months that I had the whole bedroom to myself but I love the time we spend together as a family even more, way way more. Here's to jokes, songs and all sorts of quirks that only we will understand.

time of my life.

2010-12-23T23:52:00.008+08:00

"Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test and don't ask why.
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable; but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

//Green Day; Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)

I learnt one important lesson from Eps and Bang that followed me through this whole December at all the places that I stopped at: Favour, What is favour? It is when you receive something that you don't deserve. And when I sit back and think through all the amazing experiences I've had this past month, I can only say it was all by your favour. Thank you for the lessons, the hand-holding and the growing. Thank you for the tears, the laughs, the goodbyes. Thank you most of all for the people I met along the way, for Dan, Oli, Eps, Bang, YH, Koh, Chew, Ange, Carolyn, Christina, Deep, Prof and everyone else in between.

Thank you for giving me the time of my life.

retract.

2010-12-01T04:28:00.002+08:00

"Love is the kind of thing that's already happening by the time you notice it, that's how it works, and no matter how old you get, that doesn't change. Except that you can break it up into two entirely distinct types -- love where there's an end in sight and love where there isn't."

//Goodbye Tsugumi; Banana Yoshimoto

I've learnt today that some solutions to dilemmas are truly irretractable. That once it is given, there may no longer be a way back. That there is really no give between two choices. That the only real giving is the question of who will eventually give in first. And, in the end, all that we strive to do is just to postpone the inevitable. Which leads me to wonder, maybe the decision that you made to save the world from heartache was right in the end. Maybe we always begin with a tenacity to work things through but in the end, mere tenacity is never enough, not when there is a real choice to be made between two equally conflicting alternatives, not when sooner or later, we all are forced to face up to the things we pretended didn't matter but always knew that they did.

pénitence.

2010-11-28T23:54:00.005+08:00

"If being neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
//Sylvia Plath; The Bell Jar

Tends to project her own expectations onto others? Check.

Tends to expect others to read her mind? Check.

Tends to take all her little blessings for granted even so many good things have been given to her without her even asking? Check.

Haha, guilty as charged, I guess a lot of self-reflection is in order.

rainstained.

2010-11-26T16:34:00.004+08:00

"We are travellers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity."

//Paul Coelho; The Alchemist

It's one of those days. Those days when it's dark in the afternoon and you're sitting inside, warm and toasty, with good music playing, hot tea waiting and the possibilities that stretch ahead are endless, amazingly endless. On such days, I could do anything, be anyone and everything that I always wanted to be. I remember something that I wrote nearly four years back. That sometimes you wish you were something. Something more glamorous, something more mysterious, something more fragile, something more special. But you cannot be what you wish you could be. You are just who you are.

Four years on, nothing's changed. And I'm still just coming to grips with all that I am.

if you don't wanna love me

2010-11-24T14:59:00.001+08:00

"So I'm just gonna stay when you just wanna fight

And you're closing your eyes; Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay, yes I will; You can't push me too far

There's no space in my heart where I don't wanna love you

//James Morrison; If you don't wanna love me (acoustic/LIVE)

I could stay inside on rainy afternoons and chilly nights, with my cup of hot sweet tea and listen to him go on forever, and ever.

after so long.

2010-11-20T05:33:00.003+08:00

"You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away;

Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety."

//Job 11:16-18

The week before exams is never easy and this week was no exception. The sheer amount of backlog and stuff that needs to be read, re-read, processed and made into notes is just unbelievable. Whoever said that year three students feel more empowered when dealing with school must not have been smugging hard enough haha. So I was surprised at myself that I took the Friday off to go to a place where I needed to be, to be pleasantly surprised by the discovery that whatever I had lost sight of along the way, he still remembered, still kept in mind the struggles and the pain, still was willing to accept whatever I had to offer. He didn't love you enough, but someone, on his way, will.

Head firmly on shoulders, feet rooted unflinchingly to the ground, heart back in the place where it was always meant to be. Down on my knees where strength begins, at a place that is comparable to no other. Put together to be whole, broken to be poured out.

gray

2010-11-10T01:34:00.005+08:00

"It is not the critic who counts: nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

//Theodore Roosevelt

I think there is so much subtlety and nuance that gets lost in the noise. I think that there is so much to be said for conversation and how we move from ends of the spectrum to arrive at a place where we see each other from where we are for who we are. And I think that we would be surprised at how receptive people are to change, as long as their positions are not presented as extreme or polarised. In the end, when push comes to shove, I wonder who will give first and what more important things we would have lost in the process. Do you really think you know the first thing about me? How could you when you don't even know the first thing about yourself?

to completion.

2010-11-07T13:00:00.005+08:00

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."

//Harry Crews; A Childhood: The Biography of a Place

The conversation inevitably winds down and meanders its way back into worn and familiar territory. Of these, I know the dips, the twists, the niches, the corners, the shape and curve of the road so well. Again and again, we nurture these memories, feed them so that they become more vivid than the things they represented. Life is more than the sum of people who could love us and what could have been, let what is past stay in the past.

From beginning to end, see me through to completion.

la pluie

2010-11-05T14:35:00.006+08:00

"Sunday morning, rain is falling; Steal some covers share some skin;

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable;

You twist to fit the mould that I am in."

//Maroon 5; Sunday Morning (Live)

Rain, being home, holidays, family, hot scalding sweet tea and assignments.

Most amazing and unstoppable way of letting a day pass me by.

politics.

2010-11-05T01:44:00.007+08:00

"It’s easy to have a secret, sometimes it’s even fun, until reality starts to creep into it and then the secret seeps into your real life. That’s when people get hurt, that’s when you have to make choices. It’s not even that one choice is right while the other is wrong but that eventually you have to find a way to sleep at night. I choose reality and all that comes with it. When things get hard, I never let myself lose sight of reality, the good things I’ve chosen."

//Anaïs Escobar

I don't believe that being nice means you'll eventually get hurt. I don't believe that I have to watch out for myself because I am not perceptive enough. I don't believe that people do such things to each other because they are fundamentally selfish. I think that at heart, we are all the same, all human, all deserving of love, kindness, warmth and respect. If that makes me a fool to you, it's okay.

Qui va lentement va sûrement, slowly but surely.

c'est en revenant

2010-10-31T15:11:00.005+08:00

"There are many days when all the awful things that happen make you sick at heart, when the path before you is so steep you can’t bear to look. Not even love can rescue a person from that... As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again I will suffer, again and again I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I will not let my spirit be destroyed."

//Banana Yoshimoto; Kitchen

He was only nineteen when he passed away, barely two years younger than I am. Because of an act of horrific, senseless violence that will come back to haunt us all. He had barely grown up, barely began to understand how the living can do such terrifying things to each other before he came to the end of it all. And it makes me determined about two things: one, that life should never be wasted on the living; two, I will never keep quiet about how much I love the people that I love. In a time such as this, how can we begin to understand how difficult it is to say that you are El Shaddai, almighty and all-sufficient?

In quietness and strength we trust. D, go home in peace.

prévoir

2010-10-30T22:30:00.000+08:00

"If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next -- if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions -- you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. You'd be a stone. You'd never eat or drink or laugh or get out of bed in the morning. You'd never dare to."

//Margaret Atwood; Der blinde Mörder (The Blind Assassin)

If I could stand at the finishing point of all things and foresee all possible endings, would I still make the same choices that I made at the beginning? Would I still have allowed myself to feel too much, talk too much, take stupid chances, fall down, pick myself up, love, hate, hurt and get hurt? Why should I say yes? Why should I want to be different from who I could be at the start, if being the same meant never having to see things that you couldn't ever see, because not seeing meant not knowing, not knowing meant not having to believe that there could be more, more than one could ever imagine.

Start, stop. Stop, start. Over and over, we begin again.

midway

2010-10-17T00:09:00.002+08:00

"But so far, the invisible line was holding, separating the potential from its realisation. Strange, that invisible lines could be so powerful, thought Maneck --strong as brick walls."

//Rohinton Mistry; A Fine Balance

I think I'm clear out this week. Clear out of strength or energy to do anything. There's just so much to be done, so much to be tied up, so much to be dealt with. I'm just grateful I turned up on Friday to the realisation that this is nothing, that there are people going through so much, so much more and yet still find it in themselves to care.

This won't last forever. No way.

break.

2010-10-08T00:14:00.001+08:00

"...Taking crazy things seriously is-- a serious waste of time."
"A very wise conclusion. There's that saying. 'Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all."

//Haruki Murakami; Kafka on the Shore via ayecandy

Hahaha, the first thing that Deming said was, "Omg, I too long never study with girls already! First time in so long I see people doing this during mugging!" Haha, whatever, when you're mugging 7 days a week with no end in sight yet, you're entitled to take a break, see lah Rachel don't want to join in. Still, I love this season of my life (the complaining, the worries, the mugging, the notes, the teas, the late nights, the heart-to-hearts, the joy of just being) and I will probably never experience anything like it once we leave school. It's kinda like I want to grab everything and say, make time slower, make it stop. Take what's good, leave out all the rest.

going through.

2010-10-06T10:10:00.004+08:00

"If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge?

If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."

//William Shakespeare; The Merchant of Venice

In less than three months, it will be a year. Right now, it's not shaping up to be the year I thought it would be but oh, when do things ever follow what you expect them to be? In all, I know I would have learnt something from this year of my life. Testing can be suffering, but suffering produces perseverance; perseverance moulds character and character, hope. And hope will not disappoint. It feels like I've walked in a circle back to the starting point. But it doesn't matter. Because I'm not the same as I was when I started. As Swadling of eggquity would say, I can't explain why eggquity works this way sometimes, but there's nothing automatic about this process.

catwalk

2010-10-04T23:52:00.003+08:00

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.
We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."

//Chuck Palahnuik; Diary

Take a step back, Take a deep breath.

Aimai, aimai. I'd rather keep what's left of my dignity.

問

2010-10-03T12:48:00.003+08:00

谁让你心动谁让你心痛谁又让你偶尔想要拥他在怀中

谁又在乎你的梦谁说你的心思他会懂谁让你感动

//梁静如; 問

lomo

2010-10-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

WOW. Lomo photography is amazing. That's all I can say, if only I looked like this in every photograph I take haha. Then, I can show off to my grandkids later when I'm old and wrinkly. See, when Ah Ma was young, she was damn happening k.

falling women

2010-10-02T23:59:00.002+08:00

"Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. We believed in it, this downward motion: so lovely, like flying, and yet at the same time so dire, so extreme, so unlikely. God is love, they once said, but we reversed that, and love, like heaven, was always just around the corner. The more difficult it was to love the particular man beside us, the more we believed in Love, abstract and total. We were waiting, always, for the incarnation. That word, made flesh.

And sometimes it happened, for a time. That kind of love comes and goes and is hard to remember afterwards, like pain. You would look at the man one day and you would think, I loved you, and the tense would be past, and you would be filled with a sense of wonder, because it was such an amazing and precarious and dumb thing to have done; and you would know too why your friends had been evasive about it, at the time."

//Margaret Atwood; Cat's Eye

We are persons stultified by fear. Fear of falling, fear of moving, fear of anything that does not come to us easily. And I'm so tired and angry about this fear that pins me down and keeps me waiting. Yet, she is right. In terms of absolute manhours (especially in terms of school hours where days are counted in weeks), why the panic and the unrest? It's way too early, way too short, way too fast to be lurching in any direction. Yet, when the tense is past, probably nothing will ever bring it back. I suppose it's a good and bad thing that we never know the consequences of our actions in the future. Otherwise, it would probably paralyse us all completely into inaction. Or it could jolt us into taking a step in the right direction. Haha, which means I should ask Yippie the equity questions that have been bugging me all week before I explode from all the angst of my law backlog. That is, if she even remembers that I am from her equity class, haha Hong Quan's friend to the left to the left, that's how she probably remembers me.

au hasard

2010-09-24T14:30:00.004+08:00

"What do you think? I'm not a starfish or a pepper tree. I'm a living, breathing human being. Of course I've been in love.""

//Haruki Murakami; Kafka on the Shore

If moving my fringe half an inch more to the left can generate so many responses, I wonder what would happen if I changed the parting of my fringe? Okayy, random. But seriously, I can't believe the difference that comes from simply moving a few strands of hair from the right to the left. Haha, now that we've got the chance to go for Vis East, super excited. Like Jo said, we'll try to be big fish in small ponds. Little Davids swinging stones at Goliaths. Still should have googled the meaning of IHL and Vis East before realising that we signed ourselves up for commercial arbitration and SOGA. Adeline Chong would have a good laugh if she knew that I chucked all my SOGA notes into the recycling bin after Contract II exams.

rules

2010-09-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

"I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be; whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on our minds' door at 4 AM of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were."

//Joan Didion; Slouching Towards Bethlehem: Essays

I suppose the rules are there for a reason. People who know better have been through it, if they say the game is played this way, who am I to say otherwise? It's just that sometimes I know the rules are crap, and if we wanted to, if we could, we would realise that nothing that was worth it was played by the rules. Haha, I am paranoia girl at her best, always ready to jump to the worst conclusion in a single leap. Maybe I just need to sit still and listen to the advice I give to other people lah, be still, be still I always say, but so damn difficult to practise in reality. Oh wells, like WL and I concluded, less is more, less will always be more. It will be worthwhile when it arrives and you least expect it.

On a happy note, I'm so so glad that everything turned out fine in the end! All the hard work was worth it seriously just to receive that email haha, thanks to all those who encouraged me, who brought me dinner, who put up with my nonsense. Thank you for being there with me all the way and more.

black/white

2010-09-19T00:02:00.003+08:00

"Meet me where the sea touches the sky; Meet me where the world begins."

//Jennifer Donnelly; The Winter Rose

Strictly speaking, false dilemmas arise in situations in which only two alternatives are considered when in fact, there's a whole wide range of alternatives awaiting consideration. Of these, the kind most commonly engaged in would be black-and-white thinking. And a good and super realistic example would be me experiencing boundless optimism when things are going swimmingly and falling into utter despair at the first sight of a bloody setback. Haha, what else can it arise from other than our endless need to categorise everything and anything into extremes? Oh well, at the very least, I've been at both ends of the spectrum this week haha. In all still, I'm so glad that moots is over, so excited that we all went for law musical, so over the moon that things are back on track.

moot.

2010-09-15T14:33:00.004+08:00

"When you're young, you think everything you do is disposable. You move from now to now, crumpling time up in your hands, tossing it away. You're your own speeding car. You think you can get rid of things, and people too - leave them behind. You don't yet know about the habit they have, of coming back."

//Margaret Atwood; The Blind Assassin

Haha, everytime we do it, we ask ourselves why we put ourselves through this kind of torture. Written memorial down, one more to go. In three days, we don't ever have to see Scholben or her photograph again. Can't believe we just sat there from 3pm all the way to 12am just to get our memorial out. I think I better keep this in mind the next time we feel like we wanna take part in moots. Once this is over, we're either bingeing on Wendy's or KFC's, take your pick. And we should probably pay a visit to K-box hahaha.

mugs

2010-09-12T14:17:00.004+08:00

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."

//Edgar Allan Poe

Once week 6 is over, I'm just going to take the first monday I have and sleep it away. Or alternatively, get a book and chill the whole day away with a cup of tea on the balcony. Or I could make the effort to go out and browse the knitwear that I wanna get haha. Anything I do will be way more fun than the stuff I've been doing in school. The past two weeks have been awful. Haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep each day haha, no idea how Jojo manages to do it seriously. I wish school terms had more weeks, so you could really read and get into the topics, instead of just rushing through our readings every week, oh well. Sometimes feel like we're mugging just for exams, instead of mugging for the sake of learning.

until then

2010-09-10T15:00:00.011+08:00

"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart."

//Erick S Gray; Nasty Girls

If one of us just was able to make the first move, to be able to get past all that stands between us, to take a step forward, to give a definitive answer, maybe maybe it would save us all the dilemma and the conflict and the confusion. Until then, where do we go from here on? Until then, what do I do with all that I have been given?

coordinates

2010-09-06T22:25:00.006+08:00

"Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope."

//Elizabeth Gilbert; Eat Pray Love

In some way or another, we are all shape-shifters. We take on personalities to suit the people whom we come into contact with and we shed them at will when we need to. It could be just the way we are. Or it could be that we never are really able to find people who understand the core of who we are at the bottom of it all, when everything else that doesn't really matter is stripped away. But then again, how can we blame each other for that? Who can really distinguish between the sea and its reflection? Or tell the difference between stories and the truth?

The truth is that we are pilgrims, not even migrants, in this land. We are people of eternity. Maybe that's why we never feel quite at home until we finally find our way back home.