"From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
//Psalm 61:2 (NKJV Version)
Even when I look back myself, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things changed for the better. When it stopped becoming hard to draw near, when the thirst for more came back, when conversations stopped revolving around the superficial and stepped into the realm of the real and the deep. But the past few days at leaders' retreat has really helped me to put some things back into perspective.
It's still true that going into that relationship is one of the biggest regrets in my life. And I thank God that even now, I met and have friends whom I can freely share with and willingly pray for me in all the areas where it has left scars. But today, I see clearly that the ending of that relationship was actually the starting point of my journey back to where true love is. That because I needed to heal my wounds and be free, I sought out the Lord in so many places, hoping that he would bring me back to when I was twelve and I didn't know anything about the world and my love for him was childlike and pure.
But my God knows better and he loves me far too much for me to stay the same. So that even though I made so many wrong decisions in those years of my life, he has used these decisions to grow and refine me, and to finally bring me fully and squarely back into his presence. And this leaders' retreat, I was reminded again of how much he wants to restore that period of my life back to me. As he said in Joel 2:25, he wants to restore to me those months where I was so far away, in so deep that I did not even know how to find my way back to the shore.
Right now, I am ready. To be restored fully and completely. To put this burden down again each and everytime it needs to be surrendered. And then one day, I will be ready to share fully and openly.
Overwhelm my heart again and again with your mercy and your goodness.
"From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
//Psalm 61:2 (NKJV Version)
Even when I look back myself, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things changed for the better. When it stopped becoming hard to draw near, when the thirst for more came back, when conversations stopped revolving around the superficial and stepped into the realm of the real and the deep. But the past few days at leaders' retreat has really helped me to put some things back into perspective.
It's still true that going into that relationship is one of the biggest regrets in my life. And I thank God that even now, I met and have friends whom I can freely share with and willingly pray for me in all the areas where it has left scars. But today, I see clearly that the ending of that relationship was actually the starting point of my journey back to where true love is. That because I needed to heal my wounds and be free, I sought out the Lord in so many places, hoping that he would bring me back to when I was twelve and I didn't know anything about the world and my love for him was childlike and pure.
But my God knows better and he loves me far too much for me to stay the same. So that even though I made so many wrong decisions in those years of my life, he has used these decisions to grow and refine me, and to finally bring me fully and squarely back into his presence. And this leaders' retreat, I was reminded again of how much he wants to restore that period of my life back to me. As he said in Joel 2:25, he wants to restore to me those months where I was so far away, in so deep that I did not even know how to find my way back to the shore.
Right now, I am ready. To be restored fully and completely. To put this burden down again each and everytime it needs to be surrendered. And then one day, I will be ready to share fully and openly.
Overwhelm my heart again and again with your mercy and your goodness.
