"I thought that the day I was going to be eliminated that I would be really upset with God. But you know what, surprisingly enough I am not at all. It's definitely been a bit hard, but it's nothing that I can't lose."
//Lauren "London" Levi-Nance; ANTM Cycle 12
there are some times in church when you just have that undescribable feeling. goosebumps. when you know that the message was for you, it spoke right into your situation and it's overwhelming in the sense that you know that God is there. He is with you in whatever situation you're in. it hasn't been that way for a while, but last week when Pastor Johannes came, I experienced it again. and it was amazing.
out of nowhere, he was talking about a saxophone that he used to own and play when he was in Germany. he loved the saxophone alot but he felt that God was telling him to sacrifice it and give it up. so he obeyed, sold the saxophone and had enough money for a plane ticket to Canada and his first year tuition fees (!). while there, he joined a church and surprisingly enough, the church leaders wanted him to play at their service so he agreed and lo and behold, they wanted him to play the saxophone! and they bought him an old one that he could keep and play and everytime he wanted to preach, they told him no no, you play the saxophone because the presence of God moves when you do!
and his point was that some people in the church was going through that in their lives. they had something that they loved a lot in their lives which they needed to sacrifice. if it wasn't something that you loved with all your heart, it wouldn't be a sacrifice. and that if they trusted God to give it up to Him, he would purify it for them and he would make it work for them in their lives because His way is the best way.
if the answer is so, then let it cost me something. i don't want to give up something that costs me nothing.
"It was him not fighting for me. I gave him the ultimatum and he let me walk away. I didn't want a life separate from Luke, and that's all he could give me. It's like Luke is driving a car and I just want to be in the passenger seat. He's locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper. I am not asking him to open the door, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but he didn't do that. So I am hanging onto the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised and I'm hitting potholes. And it hurts, it really hurts. So yesterday, I had to let go of the bumper. Because it hurts too much." //Lorelai; Gilmore Girls
we're heading for the last paper of the term! it's exciting cos CLS doesn't require a lot of memory work but the bad thing is that it requires you to impress Schubbs which is darn hard to do haha. I've kind of decided to just settle for as good a mark as I can get since all the legal philosophy mumbo jumbo really messes with my head. right now, I'm just looking forward to kboxxxx cos haven't gone in a while, got a lot of songs I want to sing!
had a nice 4 hour long lunch with jo, vk and emmanuel at plaza sing yesterday, just lazing around and talking about stuff. and we got onto this topic about the gang rape case in the news recently. and how it would be like if we were arguing for the defendants. it's kind of conflicting cos vk says you can't make good arguments unless you're convicted that your client is innocent and you want to do your best for him/her, and what happens if as the trial continues, the evidence starts telling the story that your client is guilty? you must give your client the best yet you've gotta deal with the conviction of your own conscience. after absorbing all that, I think I'm convinced that if I go into law after graduation, I want to do something that impacts lives directly. hmm, not sure where that hope will bring me yet haha! but I guess that's what keeps me going in law school, despite having no life on weekends and doing hours and hours of readings.
just heard about the new SAL program they're having to introduce students to the real life of lawyers so that students don't get seduced by the glamour of being a lawyer and drop out later. apparently, the singapore legal system suffers from a high rate of attrition aka people dropping out cos law in practice didn't match their expectations. kinda reminds me of what CSY said, that you need to know why you're in it otherwise you'll burn out cos there's nothing to carry you through anymore. I think I know why I'm in it and I hope I remember the reason even after I've been it in for years :)
this past week has its share of ups and downs, kinda like a wave haha. having to go through life the way I did before all this happened. I feel like I took my chance and I loved with all my heart. I fought for it, I gave my all and it feels like one day I woke up and realised that something happened. what that something is, I may never know. there's still a chance for change, but I'm not pinning my hopes on that, I'm waiting on God for the answer.
When all's that around me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need,
My God is the God who provides.
//Desert Song; Hillsong
Property moots went really well, praise the Lord :) JS was really excited about our arguments for some reason haha, she literally jumped up from her seat when Jojo was making her submissions. Now Jojo can be our class top mooter, can sit next to VK our property pet already haha. Hmm, for some reason we are always getting the short end of the stick during moots but it always turns out well! Ugh, now we can finally start our study break. Study break is always awful, I have so much backloggg! But the nice thing is that it's the rainy season now, quite lovely to be sitting in the study room with a cup of tea, watching the rain outside.
Anyway, we're taking some time to think things through so that we'll be ready when we get the time to talk. I know waiting is hard. Waiting on God is even harder. But I think I'm glad that I went through this. I know now that God is the only, only one that I ever need and if He asked me to give it up, I would in a heartbeat. Because He is all I need. I'm not saying it's easy. It never is. But I need to learn to let go. So every time I feel anxiety girl coming out, I have to consciously stop myself from fretting to bits because I can't change things. I just have to trust and believe.
I may not have the answer yet, but I'm still holding on.
"I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it."
//Scrubs
well, we have property moots on monday and we're taking a huge risk with our argument. hope it pays off cos we spent hours cooped up in an ulufied study room without any food at all just reading the same cases over and over again! sometimes, law is interesting and sometimes it's so technical that it drives you nuts. like the case we have about our client's balloon trespassing into his neighbour's airspace. OHMYTIAN, why can't just allow my client to TAKE DOWN THE FREAKING BALLOON?! or secure it tighter so it doesn't float around??! ugh, every time moots come around, our lives are consumed by it lah.
school's winding down as usual! everyone's finishing up their projects and heading into hibernation mugging mode. sigh, school ended way too fast this term, with the end of every term means one step closer to going into the working world lor. but had some fun this two weeks going out with mogu and celebrating jojo's birthday at clarke quay! (haha no pics yet cos rachel is too busy to upload, don't worry jojo, I will reserve a space for you :)
honestly, haven't really been in the best of moods lately, especially on Fridays. it sucks to have your school smack in the middle of town, cos the whole world is coming to town to hang out, have fun and have coupley time. and we're going home with our laptops and readings, going home alone.
I've been thinking lately, about how things have turned out and how I'm coping. I've thought about girls with their boyfriends in the army, the whining about parting, about girls who are in long-distance r/s, the girls who keep themselves busy, the girls who feel like each day is another challenge, the girls who cope with gritted teeth and clenched fists, the girls who are lucky enough to have the person they love with them in the same school, same faculty, same classes and not know how fortunate they are, the girls who think they know loneliness but don't, the girls who have love and insist on showing it off like a cheap handkerchief to the world, the girls who are still dreaming about the one who is coming, the girls who are going through heartbreak, the girls who are trying to take back their heart from someone who captured it and didn't deserve to have it, the girls who become stronger, who wake up one day and find that they are whole and complete and they don't need someone in their lives.
"I thought that the day I was going to be eliminated that I would be really upset with God. But you know what, surprisingly enough I am not at all. It's definitely been a bit hard, but it's nothing that I can't lose."
//Lauren "London" Levi-Nance; ANTM Cycle 12
there are some times in church when you just have that undescribable feeling. goosebumps. when you know that the message was for you, it spoke right into your situation and it's overwhelming in the sense that you know that God is there. He is with you in whatever situation you're in. it hasn't been that way for a while, but last week when Pastor Johannes came, I experienced it again. and it was amazing.
out of nowhere, he was talking about a saxophone that he used to own and play when he was in Germany. he loved the saxophone alot but he felt that God was telling him to sacrifice it and give it up. so he obeyed, sold the saxophone and had enough money for a plane ticket to Canada and his first year tuition fees (!). while there, he joined a church and surprisingly enough, the church leaders wanted him to play at their service so he agreed and lo and behold, they wanted him to play the saxophone! and they bought him an old one that he could keep and play and everytime he wanted to preach, they told him no no, you play the saxophone because the presence of God moves when you do!
and his point was that some people in the church was going through that in their lives. they had something that they loved a lot in their lives which they needed to sacrifice. if it wasn't something that you loved with all your heart, it wouldn't be a sacrifice. and that if they trusted God to give it up to Him, he would purify it for them and he would make it work for them in their lives because His way is the best way.
if the answer is so, then let it cost me something. i don't want to give up something that costs me nothing.
"It was him not fighting for me. I gave him the ultimatum and he let me walk away. I didn't want a life separate from Luke, and that's all he could give me. It's like Luke is driving a car and I just want to be in the passenger seat. He's locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper. I am not asking him to open the door, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but he didn't do that. So I am hanging onto the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised and I'm hitting potholes. And it hurts, it really hurts. So yesterday, I had to let go of the bumper. Because it hurts too much." //Lorelai; Gilmore Girls
we're heading for the last paper of the term! it's exciting cos CLS doesn't require a lot of memory work but the bad thing is that it requires you to impress Schubbs which is darn hard to do haha. I've kind of decided to just settle for as good a mark as I can get since all the legal philosophy mumbo jumbo really messes with my head. right now, I'm just looking forward to kboxxxx cos haven't gone in a while, got a lot of songs I want to sing!
had a nice 4 hour long lunch with jo, vk and emmanuel at plaza sing yesterday, just lazing around and talking about stuff. and we got onto this topic about the gang rape case in the news recently. and how it would be like if we were arguing for the defendants. it's kind of conflicting cos vk says you can't make good arguments unless you're convicted that your client is innocent and you want to do your best for him/her, and what happens if as the trial continues, the evidence starts telling the story that your client is guilty? you must give your client the best yet you've gotta deal with the conviction of your own conscience. after absorbing all that, I think I'm convinced that if I go into law after graduation, I want to do something that impacts lives directly. hmm, not sure where that hope will bring me yet haha! but I guess that's what keeps me going in law school, despite having no life on weekends and doing hours and hours of readings.
just heard about the new SAL program they're having to introduce students to the real life of lawyers so that students don't get seduced by the glamour of being a lawyer and drop out later. apparently, the singapore legal system suffers from a high rate of attrition aka people dropping out cos law in practice didn't match their expectations. kinda reminds me of what CSY said, that you need to know why you're in it otherwise you'll burn out cos there's nothing to carry you through anymore. I think I know why I'm in it and I hope I remember the reason even after I've been it in for years :)
this past week has its share of ups and downs, kinda like a wave haha. having to go through life the way I did before all this happened. I feel like I took my chance and I loved with all my heart. I fought for it, I gave my all and it feels like one day I woke up and realised that something happened. what that something is, I may never know. there's still a chance for change, but I'm not pinning my hopes on that, I'm waiting on God for the answer.
When all's that around me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need,
My God is the God who provides.
//Desert Song; Hillsong
Property moots went really well, praise the Lord :) JS was really excited about our arguments for some reason haha, she literally jumped up from her seat when Jojo was making her submissions. Now Jojo can be our class top mooter, can sit next to VK our property pet already haha. Hmm, for some reason we are always getting the short end of the stick during moots but it always turns out well! Ugh, now we can finally start our study break. Study break is always awful, I have so much backloggg! But the nice thing is that it's the rainy season now, quite lovely to be sitting in the study room with a cup of tea, watching the rain outside.
Anyway, we're taking some time to think things through so that we'll be ready when we get the time to talk. I know waiting is hard. Waiting on God is even harder. But I think I'm glad that I went through this. I know now that God is the only, only one that I ever need and if He asked me to give it up, I would in a heartbeat. Because He is all I need. I'm not saying it's easy. It never is. But I need to learn to let go. So every time I feel anxiety girl coming out, I have to consciously stop myself from fretting to bits because I can't change things. I just have to trust and believe.
I may not have the answer yet, but I'm still holding on.
"I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it."
//Scrubs
well, we have property moots on monday and we're taking a huge risk with our argument. hope it pays off cos we spent hours cooped up in an ulufied study room without any food at all just reading the same cases over and over again! sometimes, law is interesting and sometimes it's so technical that it drives you nuts. like the case we have about our client's balloon trespassing into his neighbour's airspace. OHMYTIAN, why can't just allow my client to TAKE DOWN THE FREAKING BALLOON?! or secure it tighter so it doesn't float around??! ugh, every time moots come around, our lives are consumed by it lah.
school's winding down as usual! everyone's finishing up their projects and heading into hibernation mugging mode. sigh, school ended way too fast this term, with the end of every term means one step closer to going into the working world lor. but had some fun this two weeks going out with mogu and celebrating jojo's birthday at clarke quay! (haha no pics yet cos rachel is too busy to upload, don't worry jojo, I will reserve a space for you :)
honestly, haven't really been in the best of moods lately, especially on Fridays. it sucks to have your school smack in the middle of town, cos the whole world is coming to town to hang out, have fun and have coupley time. and we're going home with our laptops and readings, going home alone.
I've been thinking lately, about how things have turned out and how I'm coping. I've thought about girls with their boyfriends in the army, the whining about parting, about girls who are in long-distance r/s, the girls who keep themselves busy, the girls who feel like each day is another challenge, the girls who cope with gritted teeth and clenched fists, the girls who are lucky enough to have the person they love with them in the same school, same faculty, same classes and not know how fortunate they are, the girls who think they know loneliness but don't, the girls who have love and insist on showing it off like a cheap handkerchief to the world, the girls who are still dreaming about the one who is coming, the girls who are going through heartbreak, the girls who are trying to take back their heart from someone who captured it and didn't deserve to have it, the girls who become stronger, who wake up one day and find that they are whole and complete and they don't need someone in their lives.
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