"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than those who watch for the morning — Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

//Psalm 130:5-6 (NKJV Version)

I've heard the story more than three times now, but I'm actually never tired of hearing it. Of how she rejected the guys who weren't suitable and ended up having to burn bridges, of how he was asked the question and was surprised to learn that he was open to considering her, of how they stood next to each other in camp and had the same flutter in their hearts. Of how God was faithful to open doors and move them into place, even when they didn't know what was coming next. 


I know that everybody's story is unique and no one's is ever totally the same but hearing this always makes me marvel at his goodness. That at the right time, at the right place, when love is ready to be awakened, when the pain and hurt have passed, that he will allow things to fall neatly into place.


Of course, I hope that he won't put me through something as major as what they both went through but we seem to have noticed a pattern in how he works. That he might bring you through the fire and the desert place first, to purify and refine you before he allows the good things to come into your life. And I know that this is one area of my life that I'm particularly vulnerable in, that I have to constantly be accountable for, so I won't be surprised if this whole journey is not an easy one. 


But I see the people who have come through it, and how they are enjoying the good things from him now, and I'm once again resolved to wait upon him, to want only the things that he wants for me, to receive only the things that he wants to give me. I don't need something dramatic like a name in the clouds, but until now I'm still curious about the face that I haven't been able to see yet. 


In your time, you will reveal it. You will make all things perfect in your time.

Labels: abiding, cell-love, faithfully, friends, love

"From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; 
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

//Psalm 61:2 (NKJV Version)

Even when I look back myself, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things changed for the better. When it stopped becoming hard to draw near, when the thirst for more came back, when conversations stopped revolving around the superficial and stepped into the realm of the real and the deep. But the past few days at leaders' retreat has really helped me to put some things back into perspective. 


It's still true that going into that relationship is one of the biggest regrets in my life. And I thank God that even now, I met and have friends whom I can freely share with and willingly pray for me in all the areas where it has left scars. But today, I see clearly that the ending of that relationship was actually the starting point of my journey back to where true love is. That because I needed to heal my wounds and be free, I sought out the Lord in so many places, hoping that he would bring me back to when I was twelve and I didn't know anything about the world and my love for him was childlike and pure. 


But my God knows better and he loves me far too much for me to stay the same. So that even though I made so many wrong decisions in those years of my life, he has used these decisions to grow and refine me, and to finally bring me fully and squarely back into his presence. And this leaders' retreat, I was reminded again of how much he wants to restore that period of my life back to me. As he said in Joel 2:25, he wants to restore to me those months where I was so far away, in so deep that I did not even know how to find my way back to the shore.


Right now, I am ready. To be restored fully and completely. To put this burden down again each and everytime it needs to be surrendered. And then one day, I will be ready to share fully and openly. 


Overwhelm my heart again and again with your mercy and your goodness. 

Labels: cell-love, faithfully, friends, journey, lead me, leaders retreat, life, love

"And he will [come and] turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers."

//Malachi 4:6 (NKJV Version)

Last Sunday was Father's Day and we brought our Dad & Mom to Sushi Tei to celebrate. Even more than we enjoyed the food and the fellowship, I was touched by how far God has brought our family. That He has started healing the wounds that were in our midst, bringing us closer together and He is now using us to bring healing to those around us. 

Dr Corne Bekker said something very true and moving during the Father Day's service on Sunday. He said that God's ultimate desire to is to bring forth healing in our hearts and that we would only be able to heal our families when our own hearts have been healed, when we experience the extraordinary love of our God as our heavenly father. 

I don't know if you have been working very hard to repair or hold your family together or if right now, your hearts are not turned towards your parents, but I think the first step is to put everything down, come before God and tell Him that you yourself need healing first. And I think that has been very true for me. I was fairly rebellious in secondary school and for some reason, I got easily angry at whatever my parents said. Little things would provoke me and there would be times when I would be writing furiously in my diary, bemoaning how unfair they were to me.

But as I grew up, I began to realise that my parents were not perfect and they themselves needed healing and restoration. I saw how my mother's relationship with her parents affected her view of her self-worth and I saw how my father's loss of his own father early on in life caused him to always long for fatherly affection. And as I saw all these, I realised that my own hard work could not keep my family together, that no amount of prodding or pushing could bring us to where we needed to be. 

But the end of myself is really the beginning of God. I realised that I needed to be healed first and experience God's love for myself before I could touch my family. And He truly is faithful. Even though our Sunday devotions got off to a fairly rocky and argumentative start, we have continued it till today and through all the sharing, the hurt, the joy and the pain, we've also began to see the beginning of the fruits of His faithfulness. 


So if you're struggling today, don't strive any longer. Put everything down and just whisper it softly to Him. Tell Him that you need his presence, protection, attention, affection, peace and comfort. Ask Him to heal the wounds that have accumulated over the years. And ask Him to keep your family together.


My God is a promise-keeper. He will never let you down.

Labels: faithfully, family, grateful, healing, love, turning hearts

"To whom then will you liken Me, Or to whom shall I be equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high, And see who has created these things, Who brings out their host by number; He calls them all by name, By the greatness of His might And the strength of His power; Not one is missing."

//Isaiah 40:25-26 (NKJV Version)

What does it mean when someone says, "He has carried me through the seasons?" I think I received some new insights when we visited our grandfather after dinner today. 

My granddad is now 86 years old and he's not as strong and healthy as he used to be. I still remember the times when he would go to Chinatown and buy duck and other medicinal stuff, then come back in the afternoon, sit in his chair in front of the TV and nag endlessly at the grandkids who would be making tons of noise in the room. But over the past 10 years, a lot has changed. He's become a lot frailer and he can no longer walk steadily, so that he's in a wheelchair if we go out. His lungs are slowly breaking down and won't get better so that he uses a breathing machine throughout the night to help him breathe. He can no longer go out on his own, most days, he either rests in bed or comes out just to watch a bit of TV. 

Recently, he had a lung and urinary tract infection and somehow after dinner, we ran into our aunt and she asked us to go up and see him, So we did. And while standing in his room, I was struck by how similar this scene was as when my paternal grandma was in her last few months of life. I saw the same shrunken shoulders, the shallow breathing and the sometimes glazed over expressions. 

But then my dad read Psalms 103 which says, "Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s." 

And at that moment, I realised what it means to proclaim that God will carry me through all the seasons. It means that one day, I will get old and I might be ill and I might not be able to praise and worship Him like I do now. But then, even then, I am not alone when I walk through the shadow of the valley of death. Even then, He is the Shepherd who holds my hand to personally lead me and guide me. Even when my future children and grandchildren cannot understand totally the pain I am going through then, He knows, and He will be with me in the last leg of the race. 

I don't fully understand why people get old, and sometimes suffer before they leave this world. And seeing my granddad and my paternal grandma before him, I can understand a little why people sometimes talk about euthanasia and wanting to live a life of quality instead. But at the same time, when I read through verse after verse in the Bible, I am reminded that He is my God, unchanging even as I grow up and I begin to age, slowly but surely. 

Perhaps one day I might be in the same position as my granddad. When that time comes, I want to see this post again and be reminded of my God's faithfulness. And tell myself that even when I have to breathe shallowly or with the help of machines, I will lift up my hands and tell people of my God's chesed, His endless lovingkindness. 

Labels: death, faithfully, family, illness, journey

Labels: daniel choo, eggscited, first love, hillsong, just let me say, youtube

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than those who watch for the morning — Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

//Psalm 130:5-6 (NKJV Version)

I've heard the story more than three times now, but I'm actually never tired of hearing it. Of how she rejected the guys who weren't suitable and ended up having to burn bridges, of how he was asked the question and was surprised to learn that he was open to considering her, of how they stood next to each other in camp and had the same flutter in their hearts. Of how God was faithful to open doors and move them into place, even when they didn't know what was coming next. 


I know that everybody's story is unique and no one's is ever totally the same but hearing this always makes me marvel at his goodness. That at the right time, at the right place, when love is ready to be awakened, when the pain and hurt have passed, that he will allow things to fall neatly into place.


Of course, I hope that he won't put me through something as major as what they both went through but we seem to have noticed a pattern in how he works. That he might bring you through the fire and the desert place first, to purify and refine you before he allows the good things to come into your life. And I know that this is one area of my life that I'm particularly vulnerable in, that I have to constantly be accountable for, so I won't be surprised if this whole journey is not an easy one. 


But I see the people who have come through it, and how they are enjoying the good things from him now, and I'm once again resolved to wait upon him, to want only the things that he wants for me, to receive only the things that he wants to give me. I don't need something dramatic like a name in the clouds, but until now I'm still curious about the face that I haven't been able to see yet. 


In your time, you will reveal it. You will make all things perfect in your time.

Labels: abiding, cell-love, faithfully, friends, love

"From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; 
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

//Psalm 61:2 (NKJV Version)

Even when I look back myself, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things changed for the better. When it stopped becoming hard to draw near, when the thirst for more came back, when conversations stopped revolving around the superficial and stepped into the realm of the real and the deep. But the past few days at leaders' retreat has really helped me to put some things back into perspective. 


It's still true that going into that relationship is one of the biggest regrets in my life. And I thank God that even now, I met and have friends whom I can freely share with and willingly pray for me in all the areas where it has left scars. But today, I see clearly that the ending of that relationship was actually the starting point of my journey back to where true love is. That because I needed to heal my wounds and be free, I sought out the Lord in so many places, hoping that he would bring me back to when I was twelve and I didn't know anything about the world and my love for him was childlike and pure. 


But my God knows better and he loves me far too much for me to stay the same. So that even though I made so many wrong decisions in those years of my life, he has used these decisions to grow and refine me, and to finally bring me fully and squarely back into his presence. And this leaders' retreat, I was reminded again of how much he wants to restore that period of my life back to me. As he said in Joel 2:25, he wants to restore to me those months where I was so far away, in so deep that I did not even know how to find my way back to the shore.


Right now, I am ready. To be restored fully and completely. To put this burden down again each and everytime it needs to be surrendered. And then one day, I will be ready to share fully and openly. 


Overwhelm my heart again and again with your mercy and your goodness. 

Labels: cell-love, faithfully, friends, journey, lead me, leaders retreat, life, love

"And he will [come and] turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers."

//Malachi 4:6 (NKJV Version)

Last Sunday was Father's Day and we brought our Dad & Mom to Sushi Tei to celebrate. Even more than we enjoyed the food and the fellowship, I was touched by how far God has brought our family. That He has started healing the wounds that were in our midst, bringing us closer together and He is now using us to bring healing to those around us. 

Dr Corne Bekker said something very true and moving during the Father Day's service on Sunday. He said that God's ultimate desire to is to bring forth healing in our hearts and that we would only be able to heal our families when our own hearts have been healed, when we experience the extraordinary love of our God as our heavenly father. 

I don't know if you have been working very hard to repair or hold your family together or if right now, your hearts are not turned towards your parents, but I think the first step is to put everything down, come before God and tell Him that you yourself need healing first. And I think that has been very true for me. I was fairly rebellious in secondary school and for some reason, I got easily angry at whatever my parents said. Little things would provoke me and there would be times when I would be writing furiously in my diary, bemoaning how unfair they were to me.

But as I grew up, I began to realise that my parents were not perfect and they themselves needed healing and restoration. I saw how my mother's relationship with her parents affected her view of her self-worth and I saw how my father's loss of his own father early on in life caused him to always long for fatherly affection. And as I saw all these, I realised that my own hard work could not keep my family together, that no amount of prodding or pushing could bring us to where we needed to be. 

But the end of myself is really the beginning of God. I realised that I needed to be healed first and experience God's love for myself before I could touch my family. And He truly is faithful. Even though our Sunday devotions got off to a fairly rocky and argumentative start, we have continued it till today and through all the sharing, the hurt, the joy and the pain, we've also began to see the beginning of the fruits of His faithfulness. 


So if you're struggling today, don't strive any longer. Put everything down and just whisper it softly to Him. Tell Him that you need his presence, protection, attention, affection, peace and comfort. Ask Him to heal the wounds that have accumulated over the years. And ask Him to keep your family together.


My God is a promise-keeper. He will never let you down.

Labels: faithfully, family, grateful, healing, love, turning hearts

"To whom then will you liken Me, Or to whom shall I be equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high, And see who has created these things, Who brings out their host by number; He calls them all by name, By the greatness of His might And the strength of His power; Not one is missing."

//Isaiah 40:25-26 (NKJV Version)

What does it mean when someone says, "He has carried me through the seasons?" I think I received some new insights when we visited our grandfather after dinner today. 

My granddad is now 86 years old and he's not as strong and healthy as he used to be. I still remember the times when he would go to Chinatown and buy duck and other medicinal stuff, then come back in the afternoon, sit in his chair in front of the TV and nag endlessly at the grandkids who would be making tons of noise in the room. But over the past 10 years, a lot has changed. He's become a lot frailer and he can no longer walk steadily, so that he's in a wheelchair if we go out. His lungs are slowly breaking down and won't get better so that he uses a breathing machine throughout the night to help him breathe. He can no longer go out on his own, most days, he either rests in bed or comes out just to watch a bit of TV. 

Recently, he had a lung and urinary tract infection and somehow after dinner, we ran into our aunt and she asked us to go up and see him, So we did. And while standing in his room, I was struck by how similar this scene was as when my paternal grandma was in her last few months of life. I saw the same shrunken shoulders, the shallow breathing and the sometimes glazed over expressions. 

But then my dad read Psalms 103 which says, "Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s." 

And at that moment, I realised what it means to proclaim that God will carry me through all the seasons. It means that one day, I will get old and I might be ill and I might not be able to praise and worship Him like I do now. But then, even then, I am not alone when I walk through the shadow of the valley of death. Even then, He is the Shepherd who holds my hand to personally lead me and guide me. Even when my future children and grandchildren cannot understand totally the pain I am going through then, He knows, and He will be with me in the last leg of the race. 

I don't fully understand why people get old, and sometimes suffer before they leave this world. And seeing my granddad and my paternal grandma before him, I can understand a little why people sometimes talk about euthanasia and wanting to live a life of quality instead. But at the same time, when I read through verse after verse in the Bible, I am reminded that He is my God, unchanging even as I grow up and I begin to age, slowly but surely. 

Perhaps one day I might be in the same position as my granddad. When that time comes, I want to see this post again and be reminded of my God's faithfulness. And tell myself that even when I have to breathe shallowly or with the help of machines, I will lift up my hands and tell people of my God's chesed, His endless lovingkindness. 

Labels: death, faithfully, family, illness, journey

Labels: daniel choo, eggscited, first love, hillsong, just let me say, youtube