27 February 2012
;21:37 "It's just that you're about to do something out of the ordinary. And after you do something like that, the everyday look of things might seem to change a little. Things may look different to you than they did before. But don't let appearances fool you. There's always only one reality."
//Haruki Murakami; 1Q84
Mm, really enjoyed the time spent today. Had time to eat the famous bak kut teh at the blk 416 coffeeshop, get coconut buns from the traditional bakery next door and try out the new (to me, apparently it's been there for 3 years already) manicure shop next to the pet shop. Also had time to stop by the library, read through last week's Korean notes in the open study room and finally got to borrow David Mitchell's latest novel. Then had dinner at my grandmother's and had the chance to drive the car back. Of course, parking was still the most #%@#! frustrating experience of the whole journey and I had to let a few cars go by first with my car sticking awkwardly half out of the parking lot, but I promise to learn how to do it properly even if it kills me, damnit.
I won't say that I wished all my days could pass me lazily by like this. Because I know that it's only when we have those other crazy busy times that we learn to appreciate the times where everything slows down and gets ready for the end.
"Frequently when you’re drunk you call me at 5:30 in the morning;
And again you call me by another woman’s name, no no;
I don’t care, I want to end this; Wherever you are, Whatever you do;
Now I won’t have anything to do with it; Get out of my way."
//2NE1; I Don't Care (Reggae Ver. LIVE)
This one is for CL's 22nd birthday. Thank you for reminding me that there is more to kpop than the old shtick put out by other girl groups, telling us that women have to be one way or another in order to be loved. This bunch may not be perfect but their passion for their music, material and the stage is all there.
It was unexplainable and inexplicable, even to myself. But all it took was a moment and you understood, completely. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. That must be wisdom. It spoke directly to the things on my heart and unknotted something that had been growing for a while. I know that in and of itself, the sentiment was probably not mistaken or imprecise, in fact it may even have been spot on. But it just made me vaguely uncomfortable and upset for some reason. And I know that it was probably not meant to be taken this way, but that's what careless words do and sometimes we ourselves don't even know how powerful they can be. All in all, I will not allow something like that to get me down again. I've come too far and fallen too often for that and it would be starting over from scratch for things to go down this path again.
I will build you up and you will be rebuilt, this is what I hold on to. So for now, I'm done with this conversation.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore, do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
//2 Corinthians 4: 7-9, 16, 18
Today there was a post that went viral on FB within a few hours but eventually was removed. And it provoked a conversation between my sister and I; and I was moved to hear such wise words from her. There will always be a strong reaction. You will either love it or hate it, there is rarely a lukewarm reaction because it was always meant to be this way. The important thing is that You allowed it to happen.
So, today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your heart.
10 February 2012
;22:43 "I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all the small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much."
//John Green; Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Hmm, I still think that I'm a person of milestones. And when I've reached that milestone, it's a bit frustrating to have someone tell you that by the way, you're not there yet, please finish up this last thing before it's all done. As CX said, I finished my 2.4km run awesomely to the best of my ability, came to the finish line, only to have someone say, oh you're duty-bound do this extra two more rounds before we can count this as officially finished. But all the complaining aside, I know that I'm extremely blessed to have this opportunity to go there and show others what we've done for the last six months so thank you for giving it to me.
Even if it's just two more rounds, I will do my best.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."
//Lauren Kate; Fallen
And just when I thought it was all over, you never fail to find a way to surprise me. What should I do about this open door? I'm not sure yet but I don't want my emotions to run amok and stand in the way of doing your will. So let me sleep on it and come to a decision tomorrow. Let my decision be what you would want me to do.
4 February 2012
;21:42 How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"It's just that you're about to do something out of the ordinary. And after you do something like that, the everyday look of things might seem to change a little. Things may look different to you than they did before. But don't let appearances fool you. There's always only one reality."
//Haruki Murakami; 1Q84
Mm, really enjoyed the time spent today. Had time to eat the famous bak kut teh at the blk 416 coffeeshop, get coconut buns from the traditional bakery next door and try out the new (to me, apparently it's been there for 3 years already) manicure shop next to the pet shop. Also had time to stop by the library, read through last week's Korean notes in the open study room and finally got to borrow David Mitchell's latest novel. Then had dinner at my grandmother's and had the chance to drive the car back. Of course, parking was still the most #%@#! frustrating experience of the whole journey and I had to let a few cars go by first with my car sticking awkwardly half out of the parking lot, but I promise to learn how to do it properly even if it kills me, damnit.
I won't say that I wished all my days could pass me lazily by like this. Because I know that it's only when we have those other crazy busy times that we learn to appreciate the times where everything slows down and gets ready for the end.
"Frequently when you’re drunk you call me at 5:30 in the morning;
And again you call me by another woman’s name, no no;
I don’t care, I want to end this; Wherever you are, Whatever you do;
Now I won’t have anything to do with it; Get out of my way."
//2NE1; I Don't Care (Reggae Ver. LIVE)
This one is for CL's 22nd birthday. Thank you for reminding me that there is more to kpop than the old shtick put out by other girl groups, telling us that women have to be one way or another in order to be loved. This bunch may not be perfect but their passion for their music, material and the stage is all there.
It was unexplainable and inexplicable, even to myself. But all it took was a moment and you understood, completely. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. That must be wisdom. It spoke directly to the things on my heart and unknotted something that had been growing for a while. I know that in and of itself, the sentiment was probably not mistaken or imprecise, in fact it may even have been spot on. But it just made me vaguely uncomfortable and upset for some reason. And I know that it was probably not meant to be taken this way, but that's what careless words do and sometimes we ourselves don't even know how powerful they can be. All in all, I will not allow something like that to get me down again. I've come too far and fallen too often for that and it would be starting over from scratch for things to go down this path again.
I will build you up and you will be rebuilt, this is what I hold on to. So for now, I'm done with this conversation.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore, do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
//2 Corinthians 4: 7-9, 16, 18
Today there was a post that went viral on FB within a few hours but eventually was removed. And it provoked a conversation between my sister and I; and I was moved to hear such wise words from her. There will always be a strong reaction. You will either love it or hate it, there is rarely a lukewarm reaction because it was always meant to be this way. The important thing is that You allowed it to happen.
So, today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your heart.
"I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all the small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much."
//John Green; Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Hmm, I still think that I'm a person of milestones. And when I've reached that milestone, it's a bit frustrating to have someone tell you that by the way, you're not there yet, please finish up this last thing before it's all done. As CX said, I finished my 2.4km run awesomely to the best of my ability, came to the finish line, only to have someone say, oh you're duty-bound do this extra two more rounds before we can count this as officially finished. But all the complaining aside, I know that I'm extremely blessed to have this opportunity to go there and show others what we've done for the last six months so thank you for giving it to me.
Even if it's just two more rounds, I will do my best.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."
//Lauren Kate; Fallen
And just when I thought it was all over, you never fail to find a way to surprise me. What should I do about this open door? I'm not sure yet but I don't want my emotions to run amok and stand in the way of doing your will. So let me sleep on it and come to a decision tomorrow. Let my decision be what you would want me to do.
How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
