Today was the first time in a long while that I've been back to changi village. We drove past the same roads, walked through the same places, saw past the same scenery; and the things that come back to me waver between the happy times that we've had here and the last memory that I had of this place. Everything seems familiar yet far away. And I wonder, how long more Lord, how long more before you turn my weeping into joy? How long more before the memories stay still and turn into dust? And then you say three times to me, you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on you because they trust in you. Trusting in you means staying committed to you, leaning on you and hoping confidently in you. And I say, if this is your will, then let the ruins come to life in the beauty of your name and let my soul find refuge in you. So, be still my soul and wait upon the Lord.
It has been so long since I came back to you that I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be writing to you. So many things have happened since I was last here that I wonder where I should start. So many times, I came and wondered what I should say to you and the words failed me. Because the emotions were so raw and the words so inadequate to express the depth of what I was feeling, that many times I left because the words would not have been truthful reflections of everything that I was going through. The struggles and the pain of the valley, the looking to and hoping for springtime and the transitions into a new season of walking with God. Each and every experience has been so precious, has brought me ever closer into the embrace of my God, that I know with certainty, that all things in my life have happened only to bring me into deeper intimacy with this everlasting Father. If Jacob struggled with God and became Israel, then after I have struggled with God, have I changed? I certainly hope so. And people have told me so. If my faith had been a faith that rejoiced in God when he answered my prayers, I hope it is now a faith that clings to the Cross even when God has taken away something from me that has served its purpose for this season. And if I had an empathy that was shallow and judging towards other who struggled, I hope I now have a depth of empathy and love for those who struggle in the same and different ways that I do. In everything that happened from then till now, would I want to have things happen differently? Sometimes, I do. In my times of weakness, I wish with all my heart that things had turned out differently. But then I wonder about the words that have been spoken to me during the Jakarta mission trip and I think, if God wants me to go through this transition to become gold, then do your work Lord and draw me closer to you. What else have I on earth but you? And there should be nothing I desire on this earth but you. Each and every day, teach me this truth until I have come forth as gold in your sight.
Today was the first time in a long while that I've been back to changi village. We drove past the same roads, walked through the same places, saw past the same scenery; and the things that come back to me waver between the happy times that we've had here and the last memory that I had of this place. Everything seems familiar yet far away. And I wonder, how long more Lord, how long more before you turn my weeping into joy? How long more before the memories stay still and turn into dust? And then you say three times to me, you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on you because they trust in you. Trusting in you means staying committed to you, leaning on you and hoping confidently in you. And I say, if this is your will, then let the ruins come to life in the beauty of your name and let my soul find refuge in you. So, be still my soul and wait upon the Lord.
It has been so long since I came back to you that I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be writing to you. So many things have happened since I was last here that I wonder where I should start. So many times, I came and wondered what I should say to you and the words failed me. Because the emotions were so raw and the words so inadequate to express the depth of what I was feeling, that many times I left because the words would not have been truthful reflections of everything that I was going through. The struggles and the pain of the valley, the looking to and hoping for springtime and the transitions into a new season of walking with God. Each and every experience has been so precious, has brought me ever closer into the embrace of my God, that I know with certainty, that all things in my life have happened only to bring me into deeper intimacy with this everlasting Father. If Jacob struggled with God and became Israel, then after I have struggled with God, have I changed? I certainly hope so. And people have told me so. If my faith had been a faith that rejoiced in God when he answered my prayers, I hope it is now a faith that clings to the Cross even when God has taken away something from me that has served its purpose for this season. And if I had an empathy that was shallow and judging towards other who struggled, I hope I now have a depth of empathy and love for those who struggle in the same and different ways that I do. In everything that happened from then till now, would I want to have things happen differently? Sometimes, I do. In my times of weakness, I wish with all my heart that things had turned out differently. But then I wonder about the words that have been spoken to me during the Jakarta mission trip and I think, if God wants me to go through this transition to become gold, then do your work Lord and draw me closer to you. What else have I on earth but you? And there should be nothing I desire on this earth but you. Each and every day, teach me this truth until I have come forth as gold in your sight.
