"You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me. But remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gave you this ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today." //Deuteronomy 9:17-18 I had always known that Ivan existed. He was one of those church guys who had been in church for the longest time; gone through Superlife (kids), Megalife (youth), Highlife (young adult) and emerged unscathed, more faithful than ever haha. His dad served with my dad on the elders' board. He and his Quah siblings were considered high-profile in church. In short, the kind of church guy whom I never would've hung out much with. Plus, he's two years younger than I am. So in the normal course of things, our paths would never have crossed. But my God is not a God of the ordinary or normalcy. When He wants to get things going, He really does it in an extraordinary and most remarkable way. At that time, I had been out of ministry for about a year. For some reason, I couldn't get into a ministry without it closing down. Regardless of what ministry I joined, SMU cell ministry, Onelife core team, RCS tuition, things just couldn't get going. So I figured God just wanted me to take a break. Until one day, Nick and Esther came to cell group and started sharing about the amazing work that they were doing with young people in Highlife, about how passionate and talented these young people were and how much potential they had waiting to be developed. But the catch was they needed more adult leaders in Highlife as there was a serious shortage of leaders, especially for some cells which only had 1 leader to 20++ members. I wasn't keen on serving again (since I didn't want any cells closing down due to my inclusion) but my friend was keen on serving. So Nick and Esther decided to organise a get together over breakfast for my friend and asked me along. Little did I know that was their way of sneakily recruiting me to be a leader. And before I knew it, I was asked if I was willing to co-lead a Highlife cell with Ivan. To be honest, I prayed about it and had some doubts. My main (very human) doubt was, oh gosh I was already what 26 at that time and I was fresh from being out of a relationship. If I started leading a cell, where would I get the time to go out there and date?! But God told me serve for 4 years until you're 30, and at that time, if you want to move on, you'd be able to leave with pride, having given your best years to the cell. God really has a way with words. So I said yes to leading the cell with Ivan. And that was the very first step of our journey together :)
It has been so long since I came back to you that I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be writing to you. So many things have happened since I was last here that I wonder where I should start. So many times, I came and wondered what I should say to you and the words failed me. Because the emotions were so raw and the words so inadequate to express the depth of what I was feeling, that many times I left because the words would not have been truthful reflections of everything that I was going through. The struggles and the pain of the valley, the looking to and hoping for springtime and the transitions into a new season of walking with God. Each and every experience has been so precious, has brought me ever closer into the embrace of my God, that I know with certainty, that all things in my life have happened only to bring me into deeper intimacy with this everlasting Father. If Jacob struggled with God and became Israel, then after I have struggled with God, have I changed? I certainly hope so. And people have told me so. If my faith had been a faith that rejoiced in God when he answered my prayers, I hope it is now a faith that clings to the Cross even when God has taken away something from me that has served its purpose for this season. And if I had an empathy that was shallow and judging towards other who struggled, I hope I now have a depth of empathy and love for those who struggle in the same and different ways that I do. In everything that happened from then till now, would I want to have things happen differently? Sometimes, I do. In my times of weakness, I wish with all my heart that things had turned out differently. But then I wonder about the words that have been spoken to me during the Jakarta mission trip and I think, if God wants me to go through this transition to become gold, then do your work Lord and draw me closer to you. What else have I on earth but you? And there should be nothing I desire on this earth but you. Each and every day, teach me this truth until I have come forth as gold in your sight.
"You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me. But remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gave you this ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today." //Deuteronomy 9:17-18 I had always known that Ivan existed. He was one of those church guys who had been in church for the longest time; gone through Superlife (kids), Megalife (youth), Highlife (young adult) and emerged unscathed, more faithful than ever haha. His dad served with my dad on the elders' board. He and his Quah siblings were considered high-profile in church. In short, the kind of church guy whom I never would've hung out much with. Plus, he's two years younger than I am. So in the normal course of things, our paths would never have crossed. But my God is not a God of the ordinary or normalcy. When He wants to get things going, He really does it in an extraordinary and most remarkable way. At that time, I had been out of ministry for about a year. For some reason, I couldn't get into a ministry without it closing down. Regardless of what ministry I joined, SMU cell ministry, Onelife core team, RCS tuition, things just couldn't get going. So I figured God just wanted me to take a break. Until one day, Nick and Esther came to cell group and started sharing about the amazing work that they were doing with young people in Highlife, about how passionate and talented these young people were and how much potential they had waiting to be developed. But the catch was they needed more adult leaders in Highlife as there was a serious shortage of leaders, especially for some cells which only had 1 leader to 20++ members. I wasn't keen on serving again (since I didn't want any cells closing down due to my inclusion) but my friend was keen on serving. So Nick and Esther decided to organise a get together over breakfast for my friend and asked me along. Little did I know that was their way of sneakily recruiting me to be a leader. And before I knew it, I was asked if I was willing to co-lead a Highlife cell with Ivan. To be honest, I prayed about it and had some doubts. My main (very human) doubt was, oh gosh I was already what 26 at that time and I was fresh from being out of a relationship. If I started leading a cell, where would I get the time to go out there and date?! But God told me serve for 4 years until you're 30, and at that time, if you want to move on, you'd be able to leave with pride, having given your best years to the cell. God really has a way with words. So I said yes to leading the cell with Ivan. And that was the very first step of our journey together :)
It has been so long since I came back to you that I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be writing to you. So many things have happened since I was last here that I wonder where I should start. So many times, I came and wondered what I should say to you and the words failed me. Because the emotions were so raw and the words so inadequate to express the depth of what I was feeling, that many times I left because the words would not have been truthful reflections of everything that I was going through. The struggles and the pain of the valley, the looking to and hoping for springtime and the transitions into a new season of walking with God. Each and every experience has been so precious, has brought me ever closer into the embrace of my God, that I know with certainty, that all things in my life have happened only to bring me into deeper intimacy with this everlasting Father. If Jacob struggled with God and became Israel, then after I have struggled with God, have I changed? I certainly hope so. And people have told me so. If my faith had been a faith that rejoiced in God when he answered my prayers, I hope it is now a faith that clings to the Cross even when God has taken away something from me that has served its purpose for this season. And if I had an empathy that was shallow and judging towards other who struggled, I hope I now have a depth of empathy and love for those who struggle in the same and different ways that I do. In everything that happened from then till now, would I want to have things happen differently? Sometimes, I do. In my times of weakness, I wish with all my heart that things had turned out differently. But then I wonder about the words that have been spoken to me during the Jakarta mission trip and I think, if God wants me to go through this transition to become gold, then do your work Lord and draw me closer to you. What else have I on earth but you? And there should be nothing I desire on this earth but you. Each and every day, teach me this truth until I have come forth as gold in your sight.
