"If being neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days." //Sylvia Plath; The Bell Jar
Tends to project her own expectations onto others? Check.
Tends to expect others to read her mind? Check.
Tends to take all her little blessings for granted even so many good things have been given to her without her even asking? Check.
Haha, guilty as charged, I guess a lot of self-reflection is in order.
"We are travellers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity."
//Paul Coelho; The Alchemist
It's one of those days. Those days when it's dark in the afternoon and you're sitting inside, warm and toasty, with good music playing, hot tea waiting and the possibilities that stretch ahead are endless, amazingly endless. On such days, I could do anything, be anyone and everything that I always wanted to be. I remember something that I wrote nearly four years back. That sometimes you wish you were something. Something more glamorous, something more mysterious, something more fragile, something more special. But you cannot be what you wish you could be. You are just who you are.
Four years on, nothing's changed. And I'm still just coming to grips with all that I am.
"You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away;
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety."
//Job 11:16-18
The week before exams is never easy and this week was no exception. The sheer amount of backlog and stuff that needs to be read, re-read, processed and made into notes is just unbelievable. Whoever said that year three students feel more empowered when dealing with school must not have been smugging hard enough haha. So I was surprised at myself that I took the Friday off to go to a place where I needed to be, to be pleasantly surprised by the discovery that whatever I had lost sight of along the way, he still remembered, still kept in mind the struggles and the pain, still was willing to accept whatever I had to offer. He didn't love you enough, but someone, on his way, will.
Head firmly on shoulders, feet rooted unflinchingly to the ground, heart back in the place where it was always meant to be. Down on my knees where strength begins, at a place that is comparable to no other. Put together to be whole, broken to be poured out.
"It is not the critic who counts: nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
//Theodore Roosevelt
I think there is so much subtlety and nuance that gets lost in the noise. I think that there is so much to be said for conversation and how we move from ends of the spectrum to arrive at a place where we see each other from where we are for who we are. And I think that we would be surprised at how receptive people are to change, as long as their positions are not presented as extreme or polarised. In the end, when push comes to shove, I wonder who will give first and what more important things we would have lost in the process. Do you really think you know the first thing about me? How could you when you don't even know the first thing about yourself?
"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
//Harry Crews; A Childhood: The Biography of a Place
The conversation inevitably winds down and meanders its way back into worn and familiar territory. Of these, I know the dips, the twists, the niches, the corners, the shape and curve of the road so well. Again and again, we nurture these memories, feed them so that they become more vivid than the things they represented. Life is more than the sum of people who could love us and what could have been, let what is past stay in the past.
From beginning to end, see me through to completion.
"It’s easy to have a secret, sometimes it’s even fun, until reality starts to creep into it and then the secret seeps into your real life. That’s when people get hurt, that’s when you have to make choices. It’s not even that one choice is right while the other is wrong but that eventually you have to find a way to sleep at night. I choose reality and all that comes with it. When things get hard, I never let myself lose sight of reality, the good things I’ve chosen."
//Anaïs Escobar
I don't believe that being nice means you'll eventually get hurt. I don't believe that I have to watch out for myself because I am not perceptive enough. I don't believe that people do such things to each other because they are fundamentally selfish. I think that at heart, we are all the same, all human, all deserving of love, kindness, warmth and respect. If that makes me a fool to you, it's okay.
"If being neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days." //Sylvia Plath; The Bell Jar
Tends to project her own expectations onto others? Check.
Tends to expect others to read her mind? Check.
Tends to take all her little blessings for granted even so many good things have been given to her without her even asking? Check.
Haha, guilty as charged, I guess a lot of self-reflection is in order.
"We are travellers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity."
//Paul Coelho; The Alchemist
It's one of those days. Those days when it's dark in the afternoon and you're sitting inside, warm and toasty, with good music playing, hot tea waiting and the possibilities that stretch ahead are endless, amazingly endless. On such days, I could do anything, be anyone and everything that I always wanted to be. I remember something that I wrote nearly four years back. That sometimes you wish you were something. Something more glamorous, something more mysterious, something more fragile, something more special. But you cannot be what you wish you could be. You are just who you are.
Four years on, nothing's changed. And I'm still just coming to grips with all that I am.
"You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away;
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety."
//Job 11:16-18
The week before exams is never easy and this week was no exception. The sheer amount of backlog and stuff that needs to be read, re-read, processed and made into notes is just unbelievable. Whoever said that year three students feel more empowered when dealing with school must not have been smugging hard enough haha. So I was surprised at myself that I took the Friday off to go to a place where I needed to be, to be pleasantly surprised by the discovery that whatever I had lost sight of along the way, he still remembered, still kept in mind the struggles and the pain, still was willing to accept whatever I had to offer. He didn't love you enough, but someone, on his way, will.
Head firmly on shoulders, feet rooted unflinchingly to the ground, heart back in the place where it was always meant to be. Down on my knees where strength begins, at a place that is comparable to no other. Put together to be whole, broken to be poured out.
"It is not the critic who counts: nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
//Theodore Roosevelt
I think there is so much subtlety and nuance that gets lost in the noise. I think that there is so much to be said for conversation and how we move from ends of the spectrum to arrive at a place where we see each other from where we are for who we are. And I think that we would be surprised at how receptive people are to change, as long as their positions are not presented as extreme or polarised. In the end, when push comes to shove, I wonder who will give first and what more important things we would have lost in the process. Do you really think you know the first thing about me? How could you when you don't even know the first thing about yourself?
"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
//Harry Crews; A Childhood: The Biography of a Place
The conversation inevitably winds down and meanders its way back into worn and familiar territory. Of these, I know the dips, the twists, the niches, the corners, the shape and curve of the road so well. Again and again, we nurture these memories, feed them so that they become more vivid than the things they represented. Life is more than the sum of people who could love us and what could have been, let what is past stay in the past.
From beginning to end, see me through to completion.
"It’s easy to have a secret, sometimes it’s even fun, until reality starts to creep into it and then the secret seeps into your real life. That’s when people get hurt, that’s when you have to make choices. It’s not even that one choice is right while the other is wrong but that eventually you have to find a way to sleep at night. I choose reality and all that comes with it. When things get hard, I never let myself lose sight of reality, the good things I’ve chosen."
//Anaïs Escobar
I don't believe that being nice means you'll eventually get hurt. I don't believe that I have to watch out for myself because I am not perceptive enough. I don't believe that people do such things to each other because they are fundamentally selfish. I think that at heart, we are all the same, all human, all deserving of love, kindness, warmth and respect. If that makes me a fool to you, it's okay.
