"Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. By knowledge the rooms are filled, with all precious and pleasant riches. //Proverbs 24:3-4(NKJV Version) And just when I think it's over, God surprises me again, more than I could ever imagine :) So much encouragement, faith, love and support in a week. God, you are always the best, always giving to me when I least expect it. Thank you and thank you, no words can express my gratitude towards you.
10 February 2012
;22:43 "I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all the small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much."
//John Green; Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Hmm, I still think that I'm a person of milestones. And when I've reached that milestone, it's a bit frustrating to have someone tell you that by the way, you're not there yet, please finish up this last thing before it's all done. As CX said, I finished my 2.4km run awesomely to the best of my ability, came to the finish line, only to have someone say, oh you're duty-bound do this extra two more rounds before we can count this as officially finished. But all the complaining aside, I know that I'm extremely blessed to have this opportunity to go there and show others what we've done for the last six months so thank you for giving it to me.
Even if it's just two more rounds, I will do my best.
4 February 2012
;21:42 How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions. Even on the male and female servants, in those days I will pour out my Spirit."
//Joel 2: 28 -29 (English Standard Version)
Nothing compares to the place where I can see you face to face. Where there is nothing left to hide, no words left to say and I am only left with the utter amazingness of who you are. How do you begin to understand when you stand on the outside and look in like a spectator? How do you begin to experience the depth and breadth of the entirety of what he did? How do you begin to know and love all that he is?
I called, you answered. And you came to my rescue and I, have to be where you are. In the end, it's as simple as that. Happy Pentecost Sunday :)
"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. [...] For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
//Isaiah 9:2, 6
Time and again, I am reminded that this is a journey, this is a season of my life, this is a fraction of who I was made to become. This December, I am thankful for Eps and the Hoyts who have taught me that by grace, one can accomplish so much more than the human mind can ever imagine. And I am reminded of the parable of the hidden treasure and the pearl. That the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Reminded that I must know where my treasure truly lies, for where my treasure is, there my heart will be also.
And my treasure is not what I read, not what I think, not who people think I am, not my grades, not my friends, not those who came in or passed me by. My treasure is you and you only. For everything that has been given to me by grace and favour is not for my pride nor for me to boast in, but everything I am, for your kingdom's cause.
Lifted high, in the only place that feels right. Blessed Christmas to one and all :)
"You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away;
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety."
//Job 11:16-18
The week before exams is never easy and this week was no exception. The sheer amount of backlog and stuff that needs to be read, re-read, processed and made into notes is just unbelievable. Whoever said that year three students feel more empowered when dealing with school must not have been smugging hard enough haha. So I was surprised at myself that I took the Friday off to go to a place where I needed to be, to be pleasantly surprised by the discovery that whatever I had lost sight of along the way, he still remembered, still kept in mind the struggles and the pain, still was willing to accept whatever I had to offer. He didn't love you enough, but someone, on his way, will.
Head firmly on shoulders, feet rooted unflinchingly to the ground, heart back in the place where it was always meant to be. Down on my knees where strength begins, at a place that is comparable to no other. Put together to be whole, broken to be poured out.
"I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be; whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on our minds' door at 4 AM of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were."
//Joan Didion; Slouching Towards Bethlehem: Essays
I suppose the rules are there for a reason. People who know better have been through it, if they say the game is played this way, who am I to say otherwise? It's just that sometimes I know the rules are crap, and if we wanted to, if we could, we would realise that nothing that was worth it was played by the rules. Haha, I am paranoia girl at her best, always ready to jump to the worst conclusion in a single leap. Maybe I just need to sit still and listen to the advice I give to other people lah, be still, be still I always say, but so damn difficult to practise in reality. Oh wells, like WL and I concluded, less is more, less will always be more. It will be worthwhile when it arrives and you least expect it.
On a happy note, I'm so so glad that everything turned out fine in the end! All the hard work was worth it seriously just to receive that email haha, thanks to all those who encouraged me, who brought me dinner, who put up with my nonsense. Thank you for being there with me all the way and more.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself, that they may proclaim my praise."
//Isaiah 43: 18-21 (NIV)
Just when you think you know it all, He never fails to surprise you. I never fail to be amazed by the hearts of women. That we carry so many burdens on our shoulders, bury so much of our pain and hurt, have so many needs that fail to be met. And over the weekend, I saw so many old wounds resurfaced, so many tears shed, so many of these hurts ministered to. The courage, honesty and hunger of these women really moved me deeply.
And above all, I'm so glad that I took the time off to do business with Him. That I laid down all that I needed to at the altar, that I allowed the grief and the hurt to be surfaced and healed, and that I'm ready to move beyond where I am right now. There must be more than this, more than everything I've seen and known thus far, and I'm ready to go further than this.
6 August 2010
;00:50 "Everyone underestimates their own life. Funny thing is, in the end, all our stories… they’re the same. In fact, no matter where you go in the world, there is only one important story: of youth, loss and yearning for redemption. So we tell the same story, over and over. Only the details are different."
//Rohinton Mistry; A Fine Balance
I fall down all the familiar potholes, step into all the same snares and scab my knees in all the old places. And yet you always seem to give me another try.
"Children, who will inherit the world. Children to whom, throughout history, stories have been told, chiefly but not always at bedtime, in order to quell restless thoughts; whose need of stories is matched only by the need of adults have of children to tell stories to, of receptacles for their stock of fairy-tales, of listening ears on which to unload those most unbelievable yet haunting of fairy-tales, their own lives; children--they are going to separate you and me."
//Graham Swift; Waterland
I don't know if dogs lose their barking voices completely and start sounding like frogs, get runny noses or develop aches in their tummies from coughing too much haha. But I am as sick as a doggg. Which thankfully got me two days off from work and also managed to get me off some collective sale agreement thing that I was supposed to go to on Saturday haha. Internships are tiring, no kidding, that's why I'm still slacking through my Saw's Essay of Doom which I'm supposed to hand in on Monday. Hope he won't grill me with hard contract law questions, or else I'm seriously gonna be a disappointment to ytm haha!
But thank God for little mercies! I ran into Wendy on my way to school for a BSM meeting and she treated me to Starbucks haha and nothing's changed, we're still trying to make plans for the next time we meet and we still miss who we were a long time ago. But I guess the important thing is knowing when it's time to move on. To put your hand on your heart and say, be still, we're still waiting upon God to bring us to where He wants us to be. I guess to have learnt and walked through that lesson already doesn't make it any easier to watch someone going through that same process.
25 July 2010
;10:45 "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."
//Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NIV
Love so amazing, so divine. Demands my soul, my life, my all.
5 January 2010
;23:55 "Your eye is on the sparrow; and your hand it comforts me. From the ends of the earth to the depths of my heart, Let Your grace and mercy be seen." //I will Run to You; Hillsong Australia
I know that we all are on a journey, we all have our own paths to follow and in the end, when we come to the finishing point, we accept that we ran the race with all our heart, all our soul and all our strength. We kept nothing back and we gave it everything we had. And for this, I am thankful. That I loved and learnt so much but lost nothing. Because, in the end, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that people change so that we learn to let go, things go wrong so we turn to the only one who can make things right again and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Despite everything, we had a wonderful run and I know now that there are some things that are beyond my reach where God has His own plans. He has brought me full circle and showed me that his wisdom is immeasurable and I am in good hands. The finishing point is here and I know I have to start on a new journey. I don't believe that giving your heart away takes away a part of you. I think you give away the parts of your heart that you need to. So that you become who you were meant to be.
So, stay gold my dear. I will miss everything that we had.
"Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things."
Psalm 107:8-9
when you call, He answers. whatever you need, He knows completely. before you even open your mouth to ask, He has given it to you. today was one of the few days when I felt it so so strongly, that His hand is upon us wherever we go, that He has provided everything we need though our human eyes could not comprehend his amazing plan for us.
I've been praying about it for about a month now already but I was afraid if I told Chris, that he would get his hopes up and be crushed if it didn't out the way we wanted. but somehow I heard the word pretty clearly the first time around and I told him that it would be the Grand Copthorne. later, he got called back a few times by the manager but I didn't know that it was the Grand Copthorne. today we were out chilling at tampines, having KFC at the post office when he got a call. he went out to take the call and took a long time with it. when he came back, we were overjoyed to find out that he had gotten it at the Grand Copthorne.
at that moment, I felt the full goodness of my God. He heard me all this time and He spoke to me at a time when we were both struggling with so much stuff. right now, we feel like the burdens we've been carrying just fell away and our hearts are fille d with gratefulness, relief and thanksgiving. we're out of the desert and into the promised land.
the past one-month-and-a-half have been anything but easy. to me, we went through the most difficult period of our time together. but standing here now, in the face of His wonderful provision, I'm so glad that we stood by each other and had faith. words cannot describe the joy and thanksgiving I have in my heart now.
thank you so much for loving us and bringing us through.
"Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. By knowledge the rooms are filled, with all precious and pleasant riches. //Proverbs 24:3-4(NKJV Version) And just when I think it's over, God surprises me again, more than I could ever imagine :) So much encouragement, faith, love and support in a week. God, you are always the best, always giving to me when I least expect it. Thank you and thank you, no words can express my gratitude towards you.
"I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all the small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much."
//John Green; Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Hmm, I still think that I'm a person of milestones. And when I've reached that milestone, it's a bit frustrating to have someone tell you that by the way, you're not there yet, please finish up this last thing before it's all done. As CX said, I finished my 2.4km run awesomely to the best of my ability, came to the finish line, only to have someone say, oh you're duty-bound do this extra two more rounds before we can count this as officially finished. But all the complaining aside, I know that I'm extremely blessed to have this opportunity to go there and show others what we've done for the last six months so thank you for giving it to me.
Even if it's just two more rounds, I will do my best.
How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions. Even on the male and female servants, in those days I will pour out my Spirit."
//Joel 2: 28 -29 (English Standard Version)
Nothing compares to the place where I can see you face to face. Where there is nothing left to hide, no words left to say and I am only left with the utter amazingness of who you are. How do you begin to understand when you stand on the outside and look in like a spectator? How do you begin to experience the depth and breadth of the entirety of what he did? How do you begin to know and love all that he is?
I called, you answered. And you came to my rescue and I, have to be where you are. In the end, it's as simple as that. Happy Pentecost Sunday :)
"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. [...] For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
//Isaiah 9:2, 6
Time and again, I am reminded that this is a journey, this is a season of my life, this is a fraction of who I was made to become. This December, I am thankful for Eps and the Hoyts who have taught me that by grace, one can accomplish so much more than the human mind can ever imagine. And I am reminded of the parable of the hidden treasure and the pearl. That the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Reminded that I must know where my treasure truly lies, for where my treasure is, there my heart will be also.
And my treasure is not what I read, not what I think, not who people think I am, not my grades, not my friends, not those who came in or passed me by. My treasure is you and you only. For everything that has been given to me by grace and favour is not for my pride nor for me to boast in, but everything I am, for your kingdom's cause.
Lifted high, in the only place that feels right. Blessed Christmas to one and all :)
"You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away;
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety."
//Job 11:16-18
The week before exams is never easy and this week was no exception. The sheer amount of backlog and stuff that needs to be read, re-read, processed and made into notes is just unbelievable. Whoever said that year three students feel more empowered when dealing with school must not have been smugging hard enough haha. So I was surprised at myself that I took the Friday off to go to a place where I needed to be, to be pleasantly surprised by the discovery that whatever I had lost sight of along the way, he still remembered, still kept in mind the struggles and the pain, still was willing to accept whatever I had to offer. He didn't love you enough, but someone, on his way, will.
Head firmly on shoulders, feet rooted unflinchingly to the ground, heart back in the place where it was always meant to be. Down on my knees where strength begins, at a place that is comparable to no other. Put together to be whole, broken to be poured out.
"I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be; whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on our minds' door at 4 AM of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were."
//Joan Didion; Slouching Towards Bethlehem: Essays
I suppose the rules are there for a reason. People who know better have been through it, if they say the game is played this way, who am I to say otherwise? It's just that sometimes I know the rules are crap, and if we wanted to, if we could, we would realise that nothing that was worth it was played by the rules. Haha, I am paranoia girl at her best, always ready to jump to the worst conclusion in a single leap. Maybe I just need to sit still and listen to the advice I give to other people lah, be still, be still I always say, but so damn difficult to practise in reality. Oh wells, like WL and I concluded, less is more, less will always be more. It will be worthwhile when it arrives and you least expect it.
On a happy note, I'm so so glad that everything turned out fine in the end! All the hard work was worth it seriously just to receive that email haha, thanks to all those who encouraged me, who brought me dinner, who put up with my nonsense. Thank you for being there with me all the way and more.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself, that they may proclaim my praise."
//Isaiah 43: 18-21 (NIV)
Just when you think you know it all, He never fails to surprise you. I never fail to be amazed by the hearts of women. That we carry so many burdens on our shoulders, bury so much of our pain and hurt, have so many needs that fail to be met. And over the weekend, I saw so many old wounds resurfaced, so many tears shed, so many of these hurts ministered to. The courage, honesty and hunger of these women really moved me deeply.
And above all, I'm so glad that I took the time off to do business with Him. That I laid down all that I needed to at the altar, that I allowed the grief and the hurt to be surfaced and healed, and that I'm ready to move beyond where I am right now. There must be more than this, more than everything I've seen and known thus far, and I'm ready to go further than this.
"Everyone underestimates their own life. Funny thing is, in the end, all our stories… they’re the same. In fact, no matter where you go in the world, there is only one important story: of youth, loss and yearning for redemption. So we tell the same story, over and over. Only the details are different."
//Rohinton Mistry; A Fine Balance
I fall down all the familiar potholes, step into all the same snares and scab my knees in all the old places. And yet you always seem to give me another try.
"Children, who will inherit the world. Children to whom, throughout history, stories have been told, chiefly but not always at bedtime, in order to quell restless thoughts; whose need of stories is matched only by the need of adults have of children to tell stories to, of receptacles for their stock of fairy-tales, of listening ears on which to unload those most unbelievable yet haunting of fairy-tales, their own lives; children--they are going to separate you and me."
//Graham Swift; Waterland
I don't know if dogs lose their barking voices completely and start sounding like frogs, get runny noses or develop aches in their tummies from coughing too much haha. But I am as sick as a doggg. Which thankfully got me two days off from work and also managed to get me off some collective sale agreement thing that I was supposed to go to on Saturday haha. Internships are tiring, no kidding, that's why I'm still slacking through my Saw's Essay of Doom which I'm supposed to hand in on Monday. Hope he won't grill me with hard contract law questions, or else I'm seriously gonna be a disappointment to ytm haha!
But thank God for little mercies! I ran into Wendy on my way to school for a BSM meeting and she treated me to Starbucks haha and nothing's changed, we're still trying to make plans for the next time we meet and we still miss who we were a long time ago. But I guess the important thing is knowing when it's time to move on. To put your hand on your heart and say, be still, we're still waiting upon God to bring us to where He wants us to be. I guess to have learnt and walked through that lesson already doesn't make it any easier to watch someone going through that same process.
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."
//Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NIV
Love so amazing, so divine. Demands my soul, my life, my all.
"Your eye is on the sparrow; and your hand it comforts me. From the ends of the earth to the depths of my heart, Let Your grace and mercy be seen." //I will Run to You; Hillsong Australia
I know that we all are on a journey, we all have our own paths to follow and in the end, when we come to the finishing point, we accept that we ran the race with all our heart, all our soul and all our strength. We kept nothing back and we gave it everything we had. And for this, I am thankful. That I loved and learnt so much but lost nothing. Because, in the end, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that people change so that we learn to let go, things go wrong so we turn to the only one who can make things right again and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Despite everything, we had a wonderful run and I know now that there are some things that are beyond my reach where God has His own plans. He has brought me full circle and showed me that his wisdom is immeasurable and I am in good hands. The finishing point is here and I know I have to start on a new journey. I don't believe that giving your heart away takes away a part of you. I think you give away the parts of your heart that you need to. So that you become who you were meant to be.
So, stay gold my dear. I will miss everything that we had.
"Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things."
Psalm 107:8-9
when you call, He answers. whatever you need, He knows completely. before you even open your mouth to ask, He has given it to you. today was one of the few days when I felt it so so strongly, that His hand is upon us wherever we go, that He has provided everything we need though our human eyes could not comprehend his amazing plan for us.
I've been praying about it for about a month now already but I was afraid if I told Chris, that he would get his hopes up and be crushed if it didn't out the way we wanted. but somehow I heard the word pretty clearly the first time around and I told him that it would be the Grand Copthorne. later, he got called back a few times by the manager but I didn't know that it was the Grand Copthorne. today we were out chilling at tampines, having KFC at the post office when he got a call. he went out to take the call and took a long time with it. when he came back, we were overjoyed to find out that he had gotten it at the Grand Copthorne.
at that moment, I felt the full goodness of my God. He heard me all this time and He spoke to me at a time when we were both struggling with so much stuff. right now, we feel like the burdens we've been carrying just fell away and our hearts are fille d with gratefulness, relief and thanksgiving. we're out of the desert and into the promised land.
the past one-month-and-a-half have been anything but easy. to me, we went through the most difficult period of our time together. but standing here now, in the face of His wonderful provision, I'm so glad that we stood by each other and had faith. words cannot describe the joy and thanksgiving I have in my heart now.
thank you so much for loving us and bringing us through.
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