Happy happy 2014 you all! There's always time to update about the new year even though we're a good two weeks into 2014 already :)
Met up with the Vis East girls over lovely pies and coffee at this quaint little cafe called Windowsill in the Woods, which is tucked away in a quiet corner just along the Jalan Basah Stadium at Lavender. It was really really crowded when we arrived and sadly, there were only 2 flavours of pies left! But I have to say that I'm really pleased with the pies we tried, it was soooo good! Not to mention that the service staff were really friendly and helpful even though it was super crowded. Miss these good times with people from law school, and feels like it's been a lifetime since we were studying and doing moots together :(
After the meetup with the Vis East girls, headed off to meet UU to celebrate the New Year together! UU had this brilliant idea to go prawning on New Year's Eve and we finally carried out the plan after procrastinating for such a long time. When we reached Punggol End though, it was packed to the brim with people. Gosh, I didn't know people really enjoyed prawning and fishing thatttt much.
When we settled into our spot, there was an uncle who commented "Aiya, no prawns tonight. Maybe the water here is too cold. You should try going to the other side." Immediately I sensed something fish and was like, "Err nope, we're gonna stay here. Maybe you should try going over there." And good thing we didn't move! UU started catching prawns almost immediately and we caught around 6-7 prawns in an hour! Apparently the trick is to keep your eyes on the bait to observe if the bait is being pulled under water. Once the bait disappears under water, that is the sign that the prawns are hooked and you should immediately reel the rod in or risk losing the prawns! At the end of it, the people next to us also gave us their prawns cos they didn't want to eat them so we went back with a full bag of huge prawns!
We brought our prawns home and UU's mom cooked it for us with some garlic, shaoxing wine and salt! It was mega yums! What a way to usher in 2014 :)
"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” //Francis Chan; Crazy Love Upon touching down in SG during the early morning hours of Saturday, I was picked up by my boyfriend and he told me that he just found out one of his best friends has just been diagnosed with acute leukaemia. His friend had been having a persistent fever for the past week or so and he finally checked into hospital, suspecting that it may be dengue. Unfortunately, it turned out to be something far far more serious. Because the condition is acute, he has had to be warded and he will start chemotherapy in a few days' time. We visited him in hospital that night and it was kinda surreal to step into the ward and see all the IV drips and needles stuck into his arms. And I think the sheer suddenness and seriousness of this whole thing has really made us stop in our tracks and re-consider for a moment where our priorities are. More and more, I've come to realise, that our life on earth is really just one small square of a beautiful tapestry that stretches on and on into eternity, and it doesn't make any sense at all to be wholly consumed about making this small square so pretty when there is so much more ahead of me. That sometimes, the things that I esteem and hold as so important, may not really be that crucial in God's eyes. Does God really care how well I dress? Does He care about how many bags and clothes I own, what type of shoes I put on, what kind of makeup I put on my face? Does He fuss about how successful I am at work, how much money I earn? Or does He look straight into my heart and see completely what type of person I am, what kind of things I prioritize in my life? And when he sees straight into my heart, when he looks at the bits and pieces that make up my life, will He be pleased with what I have done? Will he say, well done good and faithful servant, you have fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith? Will he see that I have invested my life in touching people, making disciples of His, being broken for the things that he was broken for? I don't know if he will. And that scares me. Enough to want to come into his presence again and ask him to re-calibrate my heart, to re-focus my eyes to be fixed on the Cross. To be willing, always willing to do what he has called me to do.
"You fill the sun with morning light; You bent the moon to lead the night; You clothed the lilies bright and beautiful; You're already all I need, already everything that I could hope for You've already set me, already making me more like you." //Christy Nockels; Already All I Need This has been my season of scattering stones. Of realising that sometimes God makes people and things fall together in a perfect way for a beautiful moment in time. But moments in time do not last forever and once our season is over, it will be time to move on to new things. After all, in life, everyone makes their own decisions and though it will be with great sadness that we say goodbye, there are better things ahead for each of us. I believe, I sincerely believe. Thank you for everything, while it lasted. The times we had were wonderful and beautiful. xoxo.
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know them full well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." //Psalm 139:13-15 (NIV Version) Maybe it's true that this issue has to be finally resolved one more time before March, that this is one final hurdle that I have to leap across, one more bird that I have to stone and bury before the dust settles and I move forward. I guess this issue has held me back for long enough, and I cannot allow it to be the splinter in my heel any longer. It's truly like what Ps Lionel Goh said this morning, my identity and self-worth is in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I stand firm and claim on that identity, knowing that God loves me for who I am, then I need not fear the negativity that sometimes creeps up or the expectations of other people that will come. But I can claim His promises for me with full joy, knowing that this is what he planned for me and that it will be more than amazing. So help me get over this stumbling stone one last time. Help me stand on your promise that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that in you I am perfect and I need not prove myself, because in your presence is fullness of grace and approval. Fall down. Stand up again.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
//Jeremiah 29:13 (NKJV Version) So it has been a full week of good things. A week of being busy, catching up, sharing life, good food, deep conversations and timely revelations. All in all, through the ups and downs, I'm still very thankful for the place God has put me in and the people He has brought my way, that He has used them to bless and help me in so many different ways. I think this week has really been a week of revelations, for myself and other people. That in such a short span of time, there are so many people beginning to find out about what's been happening and are eager and excited about it. But I'm really glad that this time it's so open and transparent, that people can really provide godly advice and prayers and keep us accountable to whatever decisions are going to be made. The discussion I had on Sat with Esther was really good too and it cleared up so many of my thoughts. And probably for the first time, I saw more clearly the flaws and fears that I have. That there are times when I'm so caught up with not repeating my mistakes or the mistakes of others that I forget that this time, it's different. So I'm really gonna learn to break this negative pattern and start trusting and believing in what has been brought my way. For the first time also, I saw very clearly the good things that are there. That this is honest and open, that this will be prayed for by so many of those around us, that this is gonna keep me grounded. More importantly, I really want to hold on to what Elder Freddy said today. That it's not about doing, it's about being. Being in the Father's presence, keeping our eyes focused upon Him and His plans, trusting that His plans for us are good, to give us hope and a future. Into your hands, I commit all my regrets, my hopes, dreams and wishes that are yet to fully come true.
"Come, and let us return to the Lord; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days, He will revive us; On the third day, He will raise up, so that we may live in His sight. Let us know, let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain. Like the latter and former rain to the earth." //Hosea 6:1-3 (NKJV Version) The past two weeks have really been a time of testing and learning. That when I thought I was helping someone else's situation, God was actually using it to teach me more about the condition of my heart and the things that I needed to deal with before I could reach out to minister to someone who was facing a similar issue. The thought of that just reminds me of how constantly I need to keep watch on the emotions and thoughts that pass through my heart, that even when no one else knows what I am going through, God sees and God knows. And that it becomes very important that I need to commit everything I do into His hands, telling Him to take away the motives that are impure and make my heart pure as gold, so that I can serve Him from a place of humility and surrender. And I'm learning each and every day, that so many things need to be committed fully into His hands before I can step into leading others. That my affection, identity and providence needs to be vested completely into God's hands and not be left to man. If not, I would be serving simply to gain companionship, or worse, to satisfy my own very human desires to be loved and esteemed by others. Time and again, you remind me that at the end of everything, you are my very great reward. Nothing else that I get out of serving is better than you. So once again, remind me that it's all about you and all this is for you. It's not about me, as if you should do things my way. You are alone are God, and I surrender.
"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life... Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not turn to the right or the left."
//Proverbs 4:24-26
I was taking a different flight from my friends on my way from HK back to SG so before I boarded, I had some time to sit down and reflect on the 5 days we spent in HK basically just shopping, eating and chilling out together. When I opened up my bible, funnily it fell open to Proverbs 4:11-24, so I read it through once. And for some reason, the verse about guarding your heart above all else really touched me deeply. Then without knowing why, I took out my iPhone and clicked on my tumblr app and lo and behold, the first thing to pop out on my dashboard was the lovely pic above! Then and there, I knew for sure that he was telling me something about guarding my heart.
So I quietly asked, what are you telling me to guard my heart against?
And the words were clear. Guard against judging other people based on how they act, look and speak. Guard against glorifying yourself. Guard against pursuing the things of the world that do not last. Guard against the different things that will pull you to the left and to the right when you enter the working world.
More amazingly, when I got onto the plane and I was deciding what movie to watch, I came across an interesting synopsis of this Korean courtroom drama called '부러진 화살' or Unbowed. And when I watched it, I think I kinda understood more fully what he was trying to tell me. Basically, the movie is based on the real life story of a Math professor who is apparently wrongly accused of attacking a judge with a crossbow and how he and his lawyer battle against the Korean legal system to get him a fair trial.
I think the movie showed me a glimpse of me the decisions I can choose to make as a lawyer when I go out to work in the future, and how the decisions I make can affect other people's lives. And just before I go into Part B and take the Bar, I think it's just such a timely reminder of how I need to fence up my heart and protect it well, how I need to continuously go back to the place of grace to find strength, and how I need to fix my eyes on the things that are eternal.
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than those who watch for the morning —
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
//Psalm 130:5-6 (NKJV Version)
I've heard the story more than three times now, but I'm actually never tired of hearing it. Of how she rejected the guys who weren't suitable and ended up having to burn bridges, of how he was asked the question and was surprised to learn that he was open to considering her, of how they stood next to each other in camp and had the same flutter in their hearts. Of how God was faithful to open doors and move them into place, even when they didn't know what was coming next.
I know that everybody's story is unique and no one's is ever totally the same but hearing this always makes me marvel at his goodness. That at the right time, at the right place, when love is ready to be awakened, when the pain and hurt have passed, that he will allow things to fall neatly into place.
Of course, I hope that he won't put me through something as major as what they both went through but we seem to have noticed a pattern in how he works. That he might bring you through the fire and the desert place first, to purify and refine you before he allows the good things to come into your life. And I know that this is one area of my life that I'm particularly vulnerable in, that I have to constantly be accountable for, so I won't be surprised if this whole journey is not an easy one.
But I see the people who have come through it, and how they are enjoying the good things from him now, and I'm once again resolved to wait upon him, to want only the things that he wants for me, to receive only the things that he wants to give me. I don't need something dramatic like a name in the clouds, but until now I'm still curious about the face that I haven't been able to see yet.
In your time, you will reveal it. You will make all things perfect in your time.
"From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
//Psalm 61:2 (NKJV Version)
Even when I look back myself, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things changed for the better. When it stopped becoming hard to draw near, when the thirst for more came back, when conversations stopped revolving around the superficial and stepped into the realm of the real and the deep. But the past few days at leaders' retreat has really helped me to put some things back into perspective.
It's still true that going into that relationship is one of the biggest regrets in my life. And I thank God that even now, I met and have friends whom I can freely share with and willingly pray for me in all the areas where it has left scars. But today, I see clearly that the ending of that relationship was actually the starting point of my journey back to where true love is. That because I needed to heal my wounds and be free, I sought out the Lord in so many places, hoping that he would bring me back to when I was twelve and I didn't know anything about the world and my love for him was childlike and pure.
But my God knows better and he loves me far too much for me to stay the same. So that even though I made so many wrong decisions in those years of my life, he has used these decisions to grow and refine me, and to finally bring me fully and squarely back into his presence. And this leaders' retreat, I was reminded again of how much he wants to restore that period of my life back to me. As he said in Joel 2:25, he wants to restore to me those months where I was so far away, in so deep that I did not even know how to find my way back to the shore.
Right now, I am ready. To be restored fully and completely. To put this burden down again each and everytime it needs to be surrendered. And then one day, I will be ready to share fully and openly.
Overwhelm my heart again and again with your mercy and your goodness.
"I should have never started killing time,
I can't go slow; Once more into the crowd, temptation wears you down; Go home, your heart too loud; Always." //Dryer; Seen Enough
We had lunch on Monday at Hog's Breath@Chijmes, apparently it's a favourite of the law faculty and their go-to place for work lunches, meetups and the sort. I know you order huge plates of steak when you go there but we just weren't in the mood for more burgers haha, so we shared a salmon and fruit crepes. Of course the conversation got kinda awkward at times, it's not easy trying to chivvy conversation along with someone who's so well-read, learned and ages before your generation, but at the end, I thought it was lovely spending an afternoon just talking about stuff I don't usually come into contact with. And he had perfect English manners, calling us dears and telling us cute stories about how he tries to get around the time difference to watch cricket on Singapore tv.
But I think the best part was when everyone was just sharing about their lives and what they were doing at the moment and the conversation kinda got to me. And I was totally, 'I'm not doing anything at the moment, I just resting and relaxing. In fact, I go to bed at 1130 and get up at 9, most days.' Haha and everybody was like, 'Ohh I'm sure we can find things for you to do. Here, why don't you TA for him and earn some money.' HAHA THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
Didn't your hear Michael Ross Watson on Sunday? He said that it takes a concentrated effort to enter into rest. So that's what I'm gonna spend my entire holidays doing. Learning to enter and enjoy my rest.
"He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness."
//Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJV Version)
There was once a time when I thought I would never be able to understand what it meant to go past the age of twentyone, when I thought that getting into your mid-twenties meant that I was getting old, well and proper. But this year, I turned twentythree and I'm only beginning to see that this time truly, is the time of my life. Looking back so far, this has been a year of milestones for me. I conquered the Jessup, officially graduated from law school and am going to move from Highlife to Onelife in church. And in this period where I am waiting to take the Bar exam and be called, I am really enjoying a time of rest and recharging that I've not experienced in the past four years of school life.
Thankfully I've also had the opportunity to think more deeply about the direction that I want my life and ministry to go in. This morning I was suddenly reminded of the verse, He has traded our ashes for a crown of beauty. And I was reminded that I am here and saved by grace, that my life was nothing until He came and reached out for me in my times of desperation. He took away my ashes and gave me beauty, He exchanged my despair for joy and He gave me hope in darkness. Where would I be without you? Because of this, I know that I want to continue to grow and reach out to people who do not yet have this hope in their lives. To minister to those who are sick, who have lost hope, who cannot find the strength to take the steps in front of them.
I know that I'm in no way perfect or near completion, but God hasn't called me to do the impossible. All He asks is that I trade in my brokenness so that He can give me wings. And this I will learn to do, each and every day. I know that there is a lot coming my way when I enter the law profession, that there will be trials and temptations, stress and suffering and that my values will probably be challenged at each turn. But I also know that there is One who has conquered the world and that He is for me. Nothing is impossible for Him.
Thus, I want to commit to continue praying and supporting my family and friends, to continue to go for cell and prayer meets even when the going gets tough, to grow and eventually find an area of ministry that I can serve in. I want to hold onto his vision until it comes to pass in my life. I want zeal for your household to consume me.
You've carried me for the past twentythree years and my gratitude to you knows no bounds. Continue to lead me all the way.
"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
//L.M. Montgomery
When I left for my grad trip to the US, I wasn't sure what to expect. Afterall, this was the first time that three of us were travelling together and it was my first time in a long time with a tour group. But the Lord is good and I think he really blessed us a lot on this awesome trip! It's really difficult to put the entire experience in words bcos I think the feelings I had before, during and after the trip were slightly different. But one thing I was really grateful for was that we grew closer on the trip and we saw sides to each other that we had not seen before :)
What can I say? We basically went and we conquered. We played our hearts out in LA (even though there really wasn't enough time), we shopped alot in Vegas (and got tanned a lot) and we ate tons of seafood in San Francisco. I don't know when we can carry out our Korean trip together, since we're probably going to be crazy busy once work starts up again, but I know that I'll be really looking forward to our next trip together. So here's to our grad trip, I'll remember it forever.
TWO MORE DAYS TO WHAT I HOPE KNOW WILL BE THE TIME OF MY LIFE. I CAN'T WAIT, NO NO AY AY AY, EVEN LOOKING AT MY HALF-PACKED SUITCASE NOW IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. I CANNOT CALM THE GRAD TRIP FEELS THAT I HAVE. IT'S ABSOLUTE PANDEMONIUM IN HERE.
"She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon. You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood. She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here."
//Neil Gaiman; Fragile Things
The past two weeks have been so whirlwind crazy that I didn't really get the time to sit down and sift through all my thoughts. Before I knew it, Washington was over and so was the four years of my life in law school. And now is the time to properly say goodbye to it all.
During his closing remarks for the Jessup 2012, Ian Forrester QC spoke about some things that touched me deeply. He said that everyone in the room was probably facing or had just been climbing over some mountain in their lives. For most, they had to live with and navigate the intricacies of public international law for a good part of the year; for some, they had to go through hell and high water just to be able to afford a ticket to Washington and appear before the judge; still for others, this would be their last Jessup because they would be graduating and facing the prospect of paying off the mountain of student debt they had incurred just to read law. Then he ended with a word of encouragement,
For the last group of students who were graduating, he said that the first part of the journey was now over and that we were nearly able to see over the tops of this mountain to get a glimpse of the long and beautiful road ahead of us. He exhorted us to never lose sight of the lawyer's role, that is, to speak truth and justice into darkness with clarity.
And at the end of my four long years in law school, I couldn't believe that I teared really badly when he said that. At that moment, I was reminded of everything that we have gone through in the past 1277(and counting) days; all the readings, the projects, the presentations, the mugging, the birthdays, the heartaches, the moots, the falling outs and falling back ins, the standing by and standing with, the ending and now the beginning. Through it all, I have learned so much from each of you. We have had all kinds of conversations from the superficial, to the intensely intellectual and even sometimes, to the deeply heartfelt. You all have challenged me, grown me and pushed me to be more than what I was. So from the depths of my heart, to all those who held me, put up with me and gave me second chances, I cannot even begin to express to you how grateful I am for everything.
But I remember also, that in SMU, we call it commencement and not graduation. Because the rest of your life really begins afresh from this point. So even as we are atop this mountain, resting and reflecting on all that we went through to get here, my heart is also ready and excited about the new things that You are going to bring me to.
7 March 2012
;22:47 "Did you feel a big difference? Between 19 and 20? I still think I'm the same. If I continue to put in my best on a day-to-day basis, I know when I look back one day, I won't have any regrets. I still believe this. For instance, when you're 16... So sorry to keep referring to 16 , it's just that my mind is forever at 16. Back then, there was always a second chance, like you felt you could always press the reset button. However, now it's not the same. I wish I could live without any attachment to anything. Let's say if I felt like quitting, I would just quit and do what I wanted to do. That's how I want to live my life. I don't want to do something just to fit in."
//CL; 2NE1 TV S3E10
The road to completion is a long one indeed. And there are so many bumps we could fall over, so many potholes we could fall into. Let's hold on to each other and make our way through. At the end, I hope I'll see you.
27 February 2012
;21:37 "It's just that you're about to do something out of the ordinary. And after you do something like that, the everyday look of things might seem to change a little. Things may look different to you than they did before. But don't let appearances fool you. There's always only one reality."
//Haruki Murakami; 1Q84
Mm, really enjoyed the time spent today. Had time to eat the famous bak kut teh at the blk 416 coffeeshop, get coconut buns from the traditional bakery next door and try out the new (to me, apparently it's been there for 3 years already) manicure shop next to the pet shop. Also had time to stop by the library, read through last week's Korean notes in the open study room and finally got to borrow David Mitchell's latest novel. Then had dinner at my grandmother's and had the chance to drive the car back. Of course, parking was still the most #%@#! frustrating experience of the whole journey and I had to let a few cars go by first with my car sticking awkwardly half out of the parking lot, but I promise to learn how to do it properly even if it kills me, damnit.
I won't say that I wished all my days could pass me lazily by like this. Because I know that it's only when we have those other crazy busy times that we learn to appreciate the times where everything slows down and gets ready for the end.
4 February 2012
;21:42 How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."
//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir
I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.
What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."
//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance
Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.
Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""
//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping
I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.
Happy happy 2014 you all! There's always time to update about the new year even though we're a good two weeks into 2014 already :)
Met up with the Vis East girls over lovely pies and coffee at this quaint little cafe called Windowsill in the Woods, which is tucked away in a quiet corner just along the Jalan Basah Stadium at Lavender. It was really really crowded when we arrived and sadly, there were only 2 flavours of pies left! But I have to say that I'm really pleased with the pies we tried, it was soooo good! Not to mention that the service staff were really friendly and helpful even though it was super crowded. Miss these good times with people from law school, and feels like it's been a lifetime since we were studying and doing moots together :(
After the meetup with the Vis East girls, headed off to meet UU to celebrate the New Year together! UU had this brilliant idea to go prawning on New Year's Eve and we finally carried out the plan after procrastinating for such a long time. When we reached Punggol End though, it was packed to the brim with people. Gosh, I didn't know people really enjoyed prawning and fishing thatttt much.
When we settled into our spot, there was an uncle who commented "Aiya, no prawns tonight. Maybe the water here is too cold. You should try going to the other side." Immediately I sensed something fish and was like, "Err nope, we're gonna stay here. Maybe you should try going over there." And good thing we didn't move! UU started catching prawns almost immediately and we caught around 6-7 prawns in an hour! Apparently the trick is to keep your eyes on the bait to observe if the bait is being pulled under water. Once the bait disappears under water, that is the sign that the prawns are hooked and you should immediately reel the rod in or risk losing the prawns! At the end of it, the people next to us also gave us their prawns cos they didn't want to eat them so we went back with a full bag of huge prawns!
We brought our prawns home and UU's mom cooked it for us with some garlic, shaoxing wine and salt! It was mega yums! What a way to usher in 2014 :)
"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” //Francis Chan; Crazy Love Upon touching down in SG during the early morning hours of Saturday, I was picked up by my boyfriend and he told me that he just found out one of his best friends has just been diagnosed with acute leukaemia. His friend had been having a persistent fever for the past week or so and he finally checked into hospital, suspecting that it may be dengue. Unfortunately, it turned out to be something far far more serious. Because the condition is acute, he has had to be warded and he will start chemotherapy in a few days' time. We visited him in hospital that night and it was kinda surreal to step into the ward and see all the IV drips and needles stuck into his arms. And I think the sheer suddenness and seriousness of this whole thing has really made us stop in our tracks and re-consider for a moment where our priorities are. More and more, I've come to realise, that our life on earth is really just one small square of a beautiful tapestry that stretches on and on into eternity, and it doesn't make any sense at all to be wholly consumed about making this small square so pretty when there is so much more ahead of me. That sometimes, the things that I esteem and hold as so important, may not really be that crucial in God's eyes. Does God really care how well I dress? Does He care about how many bags and clothes I own, what type of shoes I put on, what kind of makeup I put on my face? Does He fuss about how successful I am at work, how much money I earn? Or does He look straight into my heart and see completely what type of person I am, what kind of things I prioritize in my life? And when he sees straight into my heart, when he looks at the bits and pieces that make up my life, will He be pleased with what I have done? Will he say, well done good and faithful servant, you have fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith? Will he see that I have invested my life in touching people, making disciples of His, being broken for the things that he was broken for? I don't know if he will. And that scares me. Enough to want to come into his presence again and ask him to re-calibrate my heart, to re-focus my eyes to be fixed on the Cross. To be willing, always willing to do what he has called me to do.
"You fill the sun with morning light; You bent the moon to lead the night; You clothed the lilies bright and beautiful; You're already all I need, already everything that I could hope for You've already set me, already making me more like you." //Christy Nockels; Already All I Need This has been my season of scattering stones. Of realising that sometimes God makes people and things fall together in a perfect way for a beautiful moment in time. But moments in time do not last forever and once our season is over, it will be time to move on to new things. After all, in life, everyone makes their own decisions and though it will be with great sadness that we say goodbye, there are better things ahead for each of us. I believe, I sincerely believe. Thank you for everything, while it lasted. The times we had were wonderful and beautiful. xoxo.
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know them full well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." //Psalm 139:13-15 (NIV Version) Maybe it's true that this issue has to be finally resolved one more time before March, that this is one final hurdle that I have to leap across, one more bird that I have to stone and bury before the dust settles and I move forward. I guess this issue has held me back for long enough, and I cannot allow it to be the splinter in my heel any longer. It's truly like what Ps Lionel Goh said this morning, my identity and self-worth is in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I stand firm and claim on that identity, knowing that God loves me for who I am, then I need not fear the negativity that sometimes creeps up or the expectations of other people that will come. But I can claim His promises for me with full joy, knowing that this is what he planned for me and that it will be more than amazing. So help me get over this stumbling stone one last time. Help me stand on your promise that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that in you I am perfect and I need not prove myself, because in your presence is fullness of grace and approval. Fall down. Stand up again.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
//Jeremiah 29:13 (NKJV Version) So it has been a full week of good things. A week of being busy, catching up, sharing life, good food, deep conversations and timely revelations. All in all, through the ups and downs, I'm still very thankful for the place God has put me in and the people He has brought my way, that He has used them to bless and help me in so many different ways. I think this week has really been a week of revelations, for myself and other people. That in such a short span of time, there are so many people beginning to find out about what's been happening and are eager and excited about it. But I'm really glad that this time it's so open and transparent, that people can really provide godly advice and prayers and keep us accountable to whatever decisions are going to be made. The discussion I had on Sat with Esther was really good too and it cleared up so many of my thoughts. And probably for the first time, I saw more clearly the flaws and fears that I have. That there are times when I'm so caught up with not repeating my mistakes or the mistakes of others that I forget that this time, it's different. So I'm really gonna learn to break this negative pattern and start trusting and believing in what has been brought my way. For the first time also, I saw very clearly the good things that are there. That this is honest and open, that this will be prayed for by so many of those around us, that this is gonna keep me grounded. More importantly, I really want to hold on to what Elder Freddy said today. That it's not about doing, it's about being. Being in the Father's presence, keeping our eyes focused upon Him and His plans, trusting that His plans for us are good, to give us hope and a future. Into your hands, I commit all my regrets, my hopes, dreams and wishes that are yet to fully come true.
"Come, and let us return to the Lord; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days, He will revive us; On the third day, He will raise up, so that we may live in His sight. Let us know, let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain. Like the latter and former rain to the earth." //Hosea 6:1-3 (NKJV Version) The past two weeks have really been a time of testing and learning. That when I thought I was helping someone else's situation, God was actually using it to teach me more about the condition of my heart and the things that I needed to deal with before I could reach out to minister to someone who was facing a similar issue. The thought of that just reminds me of how constantly I need to keep watch on the emotions and thoughts that pass through my heart, that even when no one else knows what I am going through, God sees and God knows. And that it becomes very important that I need to commit everything I do into His hands, telling Him to take away the motives that are impure and make my heart pure as gold, so that I can serve Him from a place of humility and surrender. And I'm learning each and every day, that so many things need to be committed fully into His hands before I can step into leading others. That my affection, identity and providence needs to be vested completely into God's hands and not be left to man. If not, I would be serving simply to gain companionship, or worse, to satisfy my own very human desires to be loved and esteemed by others. Time and again, you remind me that at the end of everything, you are my very great reward. Nothing else that I get out of serving is better than you. So once again, remind me that it's all about you and all this is for you. It's not about me, as if you should do things my way. You are alone are God, and I surrender.
"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life... Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not turn to the right or the left."
//Proverbs 4:24-26
I was taking a different flight from my friends on my way from HK back to SG so before I boarded, I had some time to sit down and reflect on the 5 days we spent in HK basically just shopping, eating and chilling out together. When I opened up my bible, funnily it fell open to Proverbs 4:11-24, so I read it through once. And for some reason, the verse about guarding your heart above all else really touched me deeply. Then without knowing why, I took out my iPhone and clicked on my tumblr app and lo and behold, the first thing to pop out on my dashboard was the lovely pic above! Then and there, I knew for sure that he was telling me something about guarding my heart.
So I quietly asked, what are you telling me to guard my heart against?
And the words were clear. Guard against judging other people based on how they act, look and speak. Guard against glorifying yourself. Guard against pursuing the things of the world that do not last. Guard against the different things that will pull you to the left and to the right when you enter the working world.
More amazingly, when I got onto the plane and I was deciding what movie to watch, I came across an interesting synopsis of this Korean courtroom drama called '부러진 화살' or Unbowed. And when I watched it, I think I kinda understood more fully what he was trying to tell me. Basically, the movie is based on the real life story of a Math professor who is apparently wrongly accused of attacking a judge with a crossbow and how he and his lawyer battle against the Korean legal system to get him a fair trial.
I think the movie showed me a glimpse of me the decisions I can choose to make as a lawyer when I go out to work in the future, and how the decisions I make can affect other people's lives. And just before I go into Part B and take the Bar, I think it's just such a timely reminder of how I need to fence up my heart and protect it well, how I need to continuously go back to the place of grace to find strength, and how I need to fix my eyes on the things that are eternal.
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than those who watch for the morning —
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
//Psalm 130:5-6 (NKJV Version)
I've heard the story more than three times now, but I'm actually never tired of hearing it. Of how she rejected the guys who weren't suitable and ended up having to burn bridges, of how he was asked the question and was surprised to learn that he was open to considering her, of how they stood next to each other in camp and had the same flutter in their hearts. Of how God was faithful to open doors and move them into place, even when they didn't know what was coming next.
I know that everybody's story is unique and no one's is ever totally the same but hearing this always makes me marvel at his goodness. That at the right time, at the right place, when love is ready to be awakened, when the pain and hurt have passed, that he will allow things to fall neatly into place.
Of course, I hope that he won't put me through something as major as what they both went through but we seem to have noticed a pattern in how he works. That he might bring you through the fire and the desert place first, to purify and refine you before he allows the good things to come into your life. And I know that this is one area of my life that I'm particularly vulnerable in, that I have to constantly be accountable for, so I won't be surprised if this whole journey is not an easy one.
But I see the people who have come through it, and how they are enjoying the good things from him now, and I'm once again resolved to wait upon him, to want only the things that he wants for me, to receive only the things that he wants to give me. I don't need something dramatic like a name in the clouds, but until now I'm still curious about the face that I haven't been able to see yet.
In your time, you will reveal it. You will make all things perfect in your time.
"From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
//Psalm 61:2 (NKJV Version)
Even when I look back myself, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things changed for the better. When it stopped becoming hard to draw near, when the thirst for more came back, when conversations stopped revolving around the superficial and stepped into the realm of the real and the deep. But the past few days at leaders' retreat has really helped me to put some things back into perspective.
It's still true that going into that relationship is one of the biggest regrets in my life. And I thank God that even now, I met and have friends whom I can freely share with and willingly pray for me in all the areas where it has left scars. But today, I see clearly that the ending of that relationship was actually the starting point of my journey back to where true love is. That because I needed to heal my wounds and be free, I sought out the Lord in so many places, hoping that he would bring me back to when I was twelve and I didn't know anything about the world and my love for him was childlike and pure.
But my God knows better and he loves me far too much for me to stay the same. So that even though I made so many wrong decisions in those years of my life, he has used these decisions to grow and refine me, and to finally bring me fully and squarely back into his presence. And this leaders' retreat, I was reminded again of how much he wants to restore that period of my life back to me. As he said in Joel 2:25, he wants to restore to me those months where I was so far away, in so deep that I did not even know how to find my way back to the shore.
Right now, I am ready. To be restored fully and completely. To put this burden down again each and everytime it needs to be surrendered. And then one day, I will be ready to share fully and openly.
Overwhelm my heart again and again with your mercy and your goodness.
"I should have never started killing time,
I can't go slow; Once more into the crowd, temptation wears you down; Go home, your heart too loud; Always." //Dryer; Seen Enough
We had lunch on Monday at Hog's Breath@Chijmes, apparently it's a favourite of the law faculty and their go-to place for work lunches, meetups and the sort. I know you order huge plates of steak when you go there but we just weren't in the mood for more burgers haha, so we shared a salmon and fruit crepes. Of course the conversation got kinda awkward at times, it's not easy trying to chivvy conversation along with someone who's so well-read, learned and ages before your generation, but at the end, I thought it was lovely spending an afternoon just talking about stuff I don't usually come into contact with. And he had perfect English manners, calling us dears and telling us cute stories about how he tries to get around the time difference to watch cricket on Singapore tv.
But I think the best part was when everyone was just sharing about their lives and what they were doing at the moment and the conversation kinda got to me. And I was totally, 'I'm not doing anything at the moment, I just resting and relaxing. In fact, I go to bed at 1130 and get up at 9, most days.' Haha and everybody was like, 'Ohh I'm sure we can find things for you to do. Here, why don't you TA for him and earn some money.' HAHA THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
Didn't your hear Michael Ross Watson on Sunday? He said that it takes a concentrated effort to enter into rest. So that's what I'm gonna spend my entire holidays doing. Learning to enter and enjoy my rest.
"He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness."
//Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJV Version)
There was once a time when I thought I would never be able to understand what it meant to go past the age of twentyone, when I thought that getting into your mid-twenties meant that I was getting old, well and proper. But this year, I turned twentythree and I'm only beginning to see that this time truly, is the time of my life. Looking back so far, this has been a year of milestones for me. I conquered the Jessup, officially graduated from law school and am going to move from Highlife to Onelife in church. And in this period where I am waiting to take the Bar exam and be called, I am really enjoying a time of rest and recharging that I've not experienced in the past four years of school life.
Thankfully I've also had the opportunity to think more deeply about the direction that I want my life and ministry to go in. This morning I was suddenly reminded of the verse, He has traded our ashes for a crown of beauty. And I was reminded that I am here and saved by grace, that my life was nothing until He came and reached out for me in my times of desperation. He took away my ashes and gave me beauty, He exchanged my despair for joy and He gave me hope in darkness. Where would I be without you? Because of this, I know that I want to continue to grow and reach out to people who do not yet have this hope in their lives. To minister to those who are sick, who have lost hope, who cannot find the strength to take the steps in front of them.
I know that I'm in no way perfect or near completion, but God hasn't called me to do the impossible. All He asks is that I trade in my brokenness so that He can give me wings. And this I will learn to do, each and every day. I know that there is a lot coming my way when I enter the law profession, that there will be trials and temptations, stress and suffering and that my values will probably be challenged at each turn. But I also know that there is One who has conquered the world and that He is for me. Nothing is impossible for Him.
Thus, I want to commit to continue praying and supporting my family and friends, to continue to go for cell and prayer meets even when the going gets tough, to grow and eventually find an area of ministry that I can serve in. I want to hold onto his vision until it comes to pass in my life. I want zeal for your household to consume me.
You've carried me for the past twentythree years and my gratitude to you knows no bounds. Continue to lead me all the way.
"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
//L.M. Montgomery
When I left for my grad trip to the US, I wasn't sure what to expect. Afterall, this was the first time that three of us were travelling together and it was my first time in a long time with a tour group. But the Lord is good and I think he really blessed us a lot on this awesome trip! It's really difficult to put the entire experience in words bcos I think the feelings I had before, during and after the trip were slightly different. But one thing I was really grateful for was that we grew closer on the trip and we saw sides to each other that we had not seen before :)
What can I say? We basically went and we conquered. We played our hearts out in LA (even though there really wasn't enough time), we shopped alot in Vegas (and got tanned a lot) and we ate tons of seafood in San Francisco. I don't know when we can carry out our Korean trip together, since we're probably going to be crazy busy once work starts up again, but I know that I'll be really looking forward to our next trip together. So here's to our grad trip, I'll remember it forever.
TWO MORE DAYS TO WHAT I HOPE KNOW WILL BE THE TIME OF MY LIFE. I CAN'T WAIT, NO NO AY AY AY, EVEN LOOKING AT MY HALF-PACKED SUITCASE NOW IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. I CANNOT CALM THE GRAD TRIP FEELS THAT I HAVE. IT'S ABSOLUTE PANDEMONIUM IN HERE.
"She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon. You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood. She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here."
//Neil Gaiman; Fragile Things
The past two weeks have been so whirlwind crazy that I didn't really get the time to sit down and sift through all my thoughts. Before I knew it, Washington was over and so was the four years of my life in law school. And now is the time to properly say goodbye to it all.
During his closing remarks for the Jessup 2012, Ian Forrester QC spoke about some things that touched me deeply. He said that everyone in the room was probably facing or had just been climbing over some mountain in their lives. For most, they had to live with and navigate the intricacies of public international law for a good part of the year; for some, they had to go through hell and high water just to be able to afford a ticket to Washington and appear before the judge; still for others, this would be their last Jessup because they would be graduating and facing the prospect of paying off the mountain of student debt they had incurred just to read law. Then he ended with a word of encouragement,
For the last group of students who were graduating, he said that the first part of the journey was now over and that we were nearly able to see over the tops of this mountain to get a glimpse of the long and beautiful road ahead of us. He exhorted us to never lose sight of the lawyer's role, that is, to speak truth and justice into darkness with clarity.
And at the end of my four long years in law school, I couldn't believe that I teared really badly when he said that. At that moment, I was reminded of everything that we have gone through in the past 1277(and counting) days; all the readings, the projects, the presentations, the mugging, the birthdays, the heartaches, the moots, the falling outs and falling back ins, the standing by and standing with, the ending and now the beginning. Through it all, I have learned so much from each of you. We have had all kinds of conversations from the superficial, to the intensely intellectual and even sometimes, to the deeply heartfelt. You all have challenged me, grown me and pushed me to be more than what I was. So from the depths of my heart, to all those who held me, put up with me and gave me second chances, I cannot even begin to express to you how grateful I am for everything.
But I remember also, that in SMU, we call it commencement and not graduation. Because the rest of your life really begins afresh from this point. So even as we are atop this mountain, resting and reflecting on all that we went through to get here, my heart is also ready and excited about the new things that You are going to bring me to.
"Did you feel a big difference? Between 19 and 20? I still think I'm the same. If I continue to put in my best on a day-to-day basis, I know when I look back one day, I won't have any regrets. I still believe this. For instance, when you're 16... So sorry to keep referring to 16 , it's just that my mind is forever at 16. Back then, there was always a second chance, like you felt you could always press the reset button. However, now it's not the same. I wish I could live without any attachment to anything. Let's say if I felt like quitting, I would just quit and do what I wanted to do. That's how I want to live my life. I don't want to do something just to fit in."
//CL; 2NE1 TV S3E10
The road to completion is a long one indeed. And there are so many bumps we could fall over, so many potholes we could fall into. Let's hold on to each other and make our way through. At the end, I hope I'll see you.
"It's just that you're about to do something out of the ordinary. And after you do something like that, the everyday look of things might seem to change a little. Things may look different to you than they did before. But don't let appearances fool you. There's always only one reality."
//Haruki Murakami; 1Q84
Mm, really enjoyed the time spent today. Had time to eat the famous bak kut teh at the blk 416 coffeeshop, get coconut buns from the traditional bakery next door and try out the new (to me, apparently it's been there for 3 years already) manicure shop next to the pet shop. Also had time to stop by the library, read through last week's Korean notes in the open study room and finally got to borrow David Mitchell's latest novel. Then had dinner at my grandmother's and had the chance to drive the car back. Of course, parking was still the most #%@#! frustrating experience of the whole journey and I had to let a few cars go by first with my car sticking awkwardly half out of the parking lot, but I promise to learn how to do it properly even if it kills me, damnit.
I won't say that I wished all my days could pass me lazily by like this. Because I know that it's only when we have those other crazy busy times that we learn to appreciate the times where everything slows down and gets ready for the end.
How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."
//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir
I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.
What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."
//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance
Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.
Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""
//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping
I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.
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