Today we went for our couple time session with Uncle CS and Aunt PK, and what an eye-opening session it was. Just to have time to sit down and discuss our issues openly, talk about our strength areas, our growth areas and all the future areas of living and working together that we will have, was just really amazing. And I think it's opened my eyes more to who I was, what I am and who I eventually want to become. Right now, I know that I hold back a lot and that I fear a lot. I'm afraid of loss, of being let down, of getting hurt, of giving too much, showing too quickly, being too vulnerable. But Uncle CS is right, that I need to give him a chance, and give us a chance. Because I know he is different,I know that he is chosen, I know that he has never done a thing to let me down. But at times, the fear of the unknown rings really loudly. How will I react when he finally gets into his peak period and is really tied down by all his audit engagements? Will I really be able to cope the way I say I can? Will things turn out the way they used to play out all the time? But I know it will be okay. All it takes it to breakdown the hedge I've built around myself, one part at a time, one day at a time. Step by step, until we reach the finishing point together.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever." //Ephesians 3:20 (NIV Version)
Before I met you and actually knew you, I had no idea that learning to love was a curveball process. There is really no falling into daily routines or comfortable patterns with you. There are joyful, playful moments, there are difficult and intense moments and there are lovely, growing together moments. But what I've come to treasure most are the times when I see myself wanting to be different because of you. That because of you, I learn to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong, I can step out of my comfort zone and dare to put my heart on my sleeve, I am willing to embrace the people who are important to you and make them a part of my life as well, In short, I become a better person because of you. And I am grateful, eternally grateful that God put you in my path. That even before I knew you, God knew better exactly what I needed and he made the choice for me. You might not be all that I imagined, but you are everything that I've needed. So in spite of everything that's been said about 'the One', my experience on this journey has taught me two timeless truths:- (1) My God knows all the plans he has for me and his plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me; (2) When I trust in him with all my heart and lean not on my understanding, he makes my paths straight for me. So until what I've seen comes to pass, on this long and winding journey ahead, over the ups and the downs, hold our hands and walk with us.
"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labour; If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV Version) And with you, I learn so many new things about myself. That maybe sometimes I am selfish, maybe sometimes I think too much of myself first, that may be sometimes my actions are not aligned with the things that I say I will do. But I am learning, and I am understanding that it takes two. That if I say you are important to me, then my actions must reflect that. So I will consider your feelings, esteem your opinion of others, involve you in my decisions, make time for you, pick up the things that are important to you and appreciate you for all the things you have done for me. It has been an intense week. But I am grateful for the things I've learnt, for the deeper level of understanding it has given to us.
"Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste; As it keeps my heart and soul in its place; And I will love with urgency, but not with haste." //Mumford & Sons; Not with Haste Maybe sometimes I take your kindness and love for granted. Maybe sometimes I forget how difficult it is and much effort it takes. Maybe sometimes I should stop, look at how amazing you are and then count my blessings, each and every single one of them.
"Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them." //Psalm 126:1-2 (NIV Version) And I'm still slowly learning all that there is to me, to you, to all that we are. Of the nooks, crannies and crevices where we put the things that are important to us. Of the pasts we've endured, the present things we struggle with, the future we're hoping for. Of learning to hope again and be secure in you and in God. I know we can only do the best we can with the pitfalls we've anticipated. But I choose to believe this time, it's different. This time, you've made the commitment and I entrust it to God. This time, we'll make it through. By your grace, we'll make it through.
"Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart." //Psalm 37:3-4 (NIV Version) Now it feels like the end of one part of a journey, the months when you were all that I had and it felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was far away and would never come. But God, you are good and your promises to your children hold true until the end. That at the end of all my waiting, there he was as you said he would be. And I know he's not perfect and neither am I. That there will be differences, that there will be dilemmas, that there will be difficulties along the way. But God you know us better than we know ourselves. And you are always in control. So I commit this into your hands and ask that you lead us and guide us. That as we make our announcements as we seek blessings, as we set our plans for the future, come and be in the centre of it all. Let all that we are, all that we do bring glory to your name. Thank you and thank you for your faithfulness towards me, there are no words that can express my love and gratitude towards you.
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know them full well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." //Psalm 139:13-15 (NIV Version) Maybe it's true that this issue has to be finally resolved one more time before March, that this is one final hurdle that I have to leap across, one more bird that I have to stone and bury before the dust settles and I move forward. I guess this issue has held me back for long enough, and I cannot allow it to be the splinter in my heel any longer. It's truly like what Ps Lionel Goh said this morning, my identity and self-worth is in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I stand firm and claim on that identity, knowing that God loves me for who I am, then I need not fear the negativity that sometimes creeps up or the expectations of other people that will come. But I can claim His promises for me with full joy, knowing that this is what he planned for me and that it will be more than amazing. So help me get over this stumbling stone one last time. Help me stand on your promise that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that in you I am perfect and I need not prove myself, because in your presence is fullness of grace and approval. Fall down. Stand up again.
OMYGOSH. OMYGOSH. OMYGOSHHHHH. TICKETS TO MAYDAY'S 2013 NOWHERE WORLD TOUR SINGAPORE LEG! I AM SO TOTALLY OVERWHELMED WITH SO MUCH HAPPY AND SO MUCH EXCITES FEELS NOW THAT I HAVE TO TYPE IN CAPS. Thank you and thank you, over and over again. This is truly the most amazing present I could ever receive!
"You are the Rock on which I stand; By Your grace it is well. My hope is sure in Christ my saviour; It is well with my soul." //It is well with my soul; Hillsong Chapel Live Perhaps you saw me when I began this journey six years ago. When I didn't know anything about how this worked, when I didn't know where the end point was, when all I could do was feel my way down along this path. Along the way, I made so many mistakes, fell down and scrapped my knees over and over again. But you were always patient, always waiting for me to catch up to you. And sometimes, I have to admit that the going was really tough. To go through the breaking, the healing, the relentless re-moulding. Then to receive your promise and understand that walking in alignment with your plans was what you intended from the start. Not that everything fell together straight away. And as I built my room of waiting and waited for the morning, there were many times of discouragement and disappointment. That a lot of times, it felt like it was just me and you. The only who understood all my struggles, who walked with me through all my ups and downs, who knew why I was holding on, no way of letting go. And then in your wonderful timing, you cause all things to come together. That while I was unaware, you were moving behind the scenes to fulfil your promise to me, to show me the fullness of all that you are. To remind me that you are the Rock on which I stand. In you, I have everything that I need. So thank you for bringing us to each other, for leading us thus far. Thank you for every conversation that we've had, every past hurt that we've shared, every hope and dream that we're looking forward to. Help us to commit every thing into your hands and trust that you will move us forward in your timing. May whatever that we do honour and glorify you. I place my heart in your hands, the safest that it could ever be. And I ask that you keep it there until someone who is worthy to share it comes along. It's never gonna be easy, but I know this time it will be worth it.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusted in Him and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song I will praise Him. The Lord is their strength and He is the saving refuge of His anointed." Psalm 28:7-8 I think it's true that in the end it's about making a choice to love and to commit. To realise that one day, there will come a time when the euphoria and the emotions have passed and then it will be about loving and accepting the person that you commit to. So that love is not just all about the feelings, but it is also a decision. A conscious decision to stand by and take fully all that the person is and deciding that your commitment to each other will not change, no matter what, come what may. At this point, give it time, give it space and be still for a spell. So that when it's time to walk that way, we want to walk it well.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
//Jeremiah 29:13 (NKJV Version) So it has been a full week of good things. A week of being busy, catching up, sharing life, good food, deep conversations and timely revelations. All in all, through the ups and downs, I'm still very thankful for the place God has put me in and the people He has brought my way, that He has used them to bless and help me in so many different ways. I think this week has really been a week of revelations, for myself and other people. That in such a short span of time, there are so many people beginning to find out about what's been happening and are eager and excited about it. But I'm really glad that this time it's so open and transparent, that people can really provide godly advice and prayers and keep us accountable to whatever decisions are going to be made. The discussion I had on Sat with Esther was really good too and it cleared up so many of my thoughts. And probably for the first time, I saw more clearly the flaws and fears that I have. That there are times when I'm so caught up with not repeating my mistakes or the mistakes of others that I forget that this time, it's different. So I'm really gonna learn to break this negative pattern and start trusting and believing in what has been brought my way. For the first time also, I saw very clearly the good things that are there. That this is honest and open, that this will be prayed for by so many of those around us, that this is gonna keep me grounded. More importantly, I really want to hold on to what Elder Freddy said today. That it's not about doing, it's about being. Being in the Father's presence, keeping our eyes focused upon Him and His plans, trusting that His plans for us are good, to give us hope and a future. Into your hands, I commit all my regrets, my hopes, dreams and wishes that are yet to fully come true.
"Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." //Isaiah 64:4 (NIV Version) You know all my emotions, my frustrations and my worries. You know clearly every thought that passes through my head. And once again you show me, that when I least expect it, you come and bring to me all that I was asking, praying and waiting for. That beyond my imaginations, you provide and show that the plans you have for me are plans to give me hope and a future. Thank you for moving us beyond the beginning, into discovery and exploration. Thank you for the conversations over dinner, over dessert, over maggi mee into the wee hours of Christmas morning. Thank you for the openness and truthfulness of that whole session. Thank you for every wound that was reopened, every scar that was smoothed over. Thank you for bringing us one step closer. As we stand before you, with only fuzzy awareness and vague ideas of what's going to happen next, keep our eyes focused upon you and you alone so that all things awaken only when they so desire. Keep my hand in yours until it's time to be handed over, Lord.
"No eye has seen. no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him." //1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV Version) This time, I think it's different. This time, I know that everything is committed into his hands. This time, I know that my family is with me every step of the way, encouraging and pushing me forward. Everything that I do not yet know, I place at the foot of your cross and say, it is yours. All I need to do is remain in your presence and listen when you call. Every step of this journey, I will trace and remember.
Today we went for our couple time session with Uncle CS and Aunt PK, and what an eye-opening session it was. Just to have time to sit down and discuss our issues openly, talk about our strength areas, our growth areas and all the future areas of living and working together that we will have, was just really amazing. And I think it's opened my eyes more to who I was, what I am and who I eventually want to become. Right now, I know that I hold back a lot and that I fear a lot. I'm afraid of loss, of being let down, of getting hurt, of giving too much, showing too quickly, being too vulnerable. But Uncle CS is right, that I need to give him a chance, and give us a chance. Because I know he is different,I know that he is chosen, I know that he has never done a thing to let me down. But at times, the fear of the unknown rings really loudly. How will I react when he finally gets into his peak period and is really tied down by all his audit engagements? Will I really be able to cope the way I say I can? Will things turn out the way they used to play out all the time? But I know it will be okay. All it takes it to breakdown the hedge I've built around myself, one part at a time, one day at a time. Step by step, until we reach the finishing point together.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever." //Ephesians 3:20 (NIV Version)
Before I met you and actually knew you, I had no idea that learning to love was a curveball process. There is really no falling into daily routines or comfortable patterns with you. There are joyful, playful moments, there are difficult and intense moments and there are lovely, growing together moments. But what I've come to treasure most are the times when I see myself wanting to be different because of you. That because of you, I learn to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong, I can step out of my comfort zone and dare to put my heart on my sleeve, I am willing to embrace the people who are important to you and make them a part of my life as well, In short, I become a better person because of you. And I am grateful, eternally grateful that God put you in my path. That even before I knew you, God knew better exactly what I needed and he made the choice for me. You might not be all that I imagined, but you are everything that I've needed. So in spite of everything that's been said about 'the One', my experience on this journey has taught me two timeless truths:- (1) My God knows all the plans he has for me and his plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me; (2) When I trust in him with all my heart and lean not on my understanding, he makes my paths straight for me. So until what I've seen comes to pass, on this long and winding journey ahead, over the ups and the downs, hold our hands and walk with us.
"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labour; If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV Version) And with you, I learn so many new things about myself. That maybe sometimes I am selfish, maybe sometimes I think too much of myself first, that may be sometimes my actions are not aligned with the things that I say I will do. But I am learning, and I am understanding that it takes two. That if I say you are important to me, then my actions must reflect that. So I will consider your feelings, esteem your opinion of others, involve you in my decisions, make time for you, pick up the things that are important to you and appreciate you for all the things you have done for me. It has been an intense week. But I am grateful for the things I've learnt, for the deeper level of understanding it has given to us.
"Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste; As it keeps my heart and soul in its place; And I will love with urgency, but not with haste." //Mumford & Sons; Not with Haste Maybe sometimes I take your kindness and love for granted. Maybe sometimes I forget how difficult it is and much effort it takes. Maybe sometimes I should stop, look at how amazing you are and then count my blessings, each and every single one of them.
"Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them." //Psalm 126:1-2 (NIV Version) And I'm still slowly learning all that there is to me, to you, to all that we are. Of the nooks, crannies and crevices where we put the things that are important to us. Of the pasts we've endured, the present things we struggle with, the future we're hoping for. Of learning to hope again and be secure in you and in God. I know we can only do the best we can with the pitfalls we've anticipated. But I choose to believe this time, it's different. This time, you've made the commitment and I entrust it to God. This time, we'll make it through. By your grace, we'll make it through.
"Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart." //Psalm 37:3-4 (NIV Version) Now it feels like the end of one part of a journey, the months when you were all that I had and it felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was far away and would never come. But God, you are good and your promises to your children hold true until the end. That at the end of all my waiting, there he was as you said he would be. And I know he's not perfect and neither am I. That there will be differences, that there will be dilemmas, that there will be difficulties along the way. But God you know us better than we know ourselves. And you are always in control. So I commit this into your hands and ask that you lead us and guide us. That as we make our announcements as we seek blessings, as we set our plans for the future, come and be in the centre of it all. Let all that we are, all that we do bring glory to your name. Thank you and thank you for your faithfulness towards me, there are no words that can express my love and gratitude towards you.
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know them full well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." //Psalm 139:13-15 (NIV Version) Maybe it's true that this issue has to be finally resolved one more time before March, that this is one final hurdle that I have to leap across, one more bird that I have to stone and bury before the dust settles and I move forward. I guess this issue has held me back for long enough, and I cannot allow it to be the splinter in my heel any longer. It's truly like what Ps Lionel Goh said this morning, my identity and self-worth is in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I stand firm and claim on that identity, knowing that God loves me for who I am, then I need not fear the negativity that sometimes creeps up or the expectations of other people that will come. But I can claim His promises for me with full joy, knowing that this is what he planned for me and that it will be more than amazing. So help me get over this stumbling stone one last time. Help me stand on your promise that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that in you I am perfect and I need not prove myself, because in your presence is fullness of grace and approval. Fall down. Stand up again.
OMYGOSH. OMYGOSH. OMYGOSHHHHH. TICKETS TO MAYDAY'S 2013 NOWHERE WORLD TOUR SINGAPORE LEG! I AM SO TOTALLY OVERWHELMED WITH SO MUCH HAPPY AND SO MUCH EXCITES FEELS NOW THAT I HAVE TO TYPE IN CAPS. Thank you and thank you, over and over again. This is truly the most amazing present I could ever receive!
"You are the Rock on which I stand; By Your grace it is well. My hope is sure in Christ my saviour; It is well with my soul." //It is well with my soul; Hillsong Chapel Live Perhaps you saw me when I began this journey six years ago. When I didn't know anything about how this worked, when I didn't know where the end point was, when all I could do was feel my way down along this path. Along the way, I made so many mistakes, fell down and scrapped my knees over and over again. But you were always patient, always waiting for me to catch up to you. And sometimes, I have to admit that the going was really tough. To go through the breaking, the healing, the relentless re-moulding. Then to receive your promise and understand that walking in alignment with your plans was what you intended from the start. Not that everything fell together straight away. And as I built my room of waiting and waited for the morning, there were many times of discouragement and disappointment. That a lot of times, it felt like it was just me and you. The only who understood all my struggles, who walked with me through all my ups and downs, who knew why I was holding on, no way of letting go. And then in your wonderful timing, you cause all things to come together. That while I was unaware, you were moving behind the scenes to fulfil your promise to me, to show me the fullness of all that you are. To remind me that you are the Rock on which I stand. In you, I have everything that I need. So thank you for bringing us to each other, for leading us thus far. Thank you for every conversation that we've had, every past hurt that we've shared, every hope and dream that we're looking forward to. Help us to commit every thing into your hands and trust that you will move us forward in your timing. May whatever that we do honour and glorify you. I place my heart in your hands, the safest that it could ever be. And I ask that you keep it there until someone who is worthy to share it comes along. It's never gonna be easy, but I know this time it will be worth it.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusted in Him and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song I will praise Him. The Lord is their strength and He is the saving refuge of His anointed." Psalm 28:7-8 I think it's true that in the end it's about making a choice to love and to commit. To realise that one day, there will come a time when the euphoria and the emotions have passed and then it will be about loving and accepting the person that you commit to. So that love is not just all about the feelings, but it is also a decision. A conscious decision to stand by and take fully all that the person is and deciding that your commitment to each other will not change, no matter what, come what may. At this point, give it time, give it space and be still for a spell. So that when it's time to walk that way, we want to walk it well.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
//Jeremiah 29:13 (NKJV Version) So it has been a full week of good things. A week of being busy, catching up, sharing life, good food, deep conversations and timely revelations. All in all, through the ups and downs, I'm still very thankful for the place God has put me in and the people He has brought my way, that He has used them to bless and help me in so many different ways. I think this week has really been a week of revelations, for myself and other people. That in such a short span of time, there are so many people beginning to find out about what's been happening and are eager and excited about it. But I'm really glad that this time it's so open and transparent, that people can really provide godly advice and prayers and keep us accountable to whatever decisions are going to be made. The discussion I had on Sat with Esther was really good too and it cleared up so many of my thoughts. And probably for the first time, I saw more clearly the flaws and fears that I have. That there are times when I'm so caught up with not repeating my mistakes or the mistakes of others that I forget that this time, it's different. So I'm really gonna learn to break this negative pattern and start trusting and believing in what has been brought my way. For the first time also, I saw very clearly the good things that are there. That this is honest and open, that this will be prayed for by so many of those around us, that this is gonna keep me grounded. More importantly, I really want to hold on to what Elder Freddy said today. That it's not about doing, it's about being. Being in the Father's presence, keeping our eyes focused upon Him and His plans, trusting that His plans for us are good, to give us hope and a future. Into your hands, I commit all my regrets, my hopes, dreams and wishes that are yet to fully come true.
"Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." //Isaiah 64:4 (NIV Version) You know all my emotions, my frustrations and my worries. You know clearly every thought that passes through my head. And once again you show me, that when I least expect it, you come and bring to me all that I was asking, praying and waiting for. That beyond my imaginations, you provide and show that the plans you have for me are plans to give me hope and a future. Thank you for moving us beyond the beginning, into discovery and exploration. Thank you for the conversations over dinner, over dessert, over maggi mee into the wee hours of Christmas morning. Thank you for the openness and truthfulness of that whole session. Thank you for every wound that was reopened, every scar that was smoothed over. Thank you for bringing us one step closer. As we stand before you, with only fuzzy awareness and vague ideas of what's going to happen next, keep our eyes focused upon you and you alone so that all things awaken only when they so desire. Keep my hand in yours until it's time to be handed over, Lord.
"No eye has seen. no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him." //1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV Version) This time, I think it's different. This time, I know that everything is committed into his hands. This time, I know that my family is with me every step of the way, encouraging and pushing me forward. Everything that I do not yet know, I place at the foot of your cross and say, it is yours. All I need to do is remain in your presence and listen when you call. Every step of this journey, I will trace and remember.
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