"We are often running on fumes, spiritually, but we must know where the fuel station is, and even more important, that it exists. After trying all kinds of other things, Christians have learned that the worship of God with the whole heart is in the assurance of his love through the work of Jesus Christ is the thing their souls were meant to "run on". That is what gets all the heart's cylinders to fire. If this is not understood, then we will not have the resources to be good spouses. If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility." //Timothy Keller; The Meaning of Marriage This has been a really hectic two weeks for us. He's been busy with deadlines, going to Malaysia then to Hong Kong and his company's d&d. I've been busy with flying to Shanghai. And in the midst of all this busyness, we've been really snappy with each other. And I've really been struggling with how to cope with his new hectic work and study schedule, with how to give love and affection and understanding even when I feel like I am not getting any from him. For some reason, it feels like I've been in this bind for a long time. Where I try my hardest to be loving and understanding and tell him that it's okay that we don't get to spend any time together, but later my emotions overcome me and I get really needy and irritated with him and I show it in my texts to him. And he gets really stressed and overwhelmed by all the demands made on him. Then we end up being really hurt and angry and disappointed with each other. And it feels like a cycle that has been repeating itself ever since he got into his new job. When I was in Shanghai, I think we hit a low point where we stopped trying to reach out to each other. He said to give him time and space, so I did. But I was really bothered about how to deal with it all and when we would eventually get to talk about it. To take my mind off things, I picked up Timothy Keller's book on marriage and started going through it. And by God's grace, I came to this particular chapter which was talking about the power that we need in a marriage. Amazingly, everything in that chapter spoke deeply to me about our current situation. Through the book, God taught me three important principles:- (1) My ability to give love and understanding and affection does not come from my partner, but it comes from God alone; (2) The purpose of a marriage is to learn to submit - that is, to consider and count the interests of my partner as more important than my own; and (3) The thing that prevents me from submitting is my own self-centredness and that is the root of every problem in a relationship. In a moment, I think the knot that was in my heart just undid itself and I understood what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to stop focusing on what man could do for me but to focus on God's love and affection for me. That once I understood the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, I would be filled with enough strength and grace to continue loving and caring for him in our relationship. Once I put my focus on the right person then it no longer mattered whether I felt my love and affection was being reciprocated or if I felt I was getting the amount of love and attention that I needed. Because God had freely given to me His love, I could also freely give love. I did not have to keep records or accounts of how much I had received before I could give. And I think that's been the single most liberating rhema word I've gotten from God since we've gotten into this bind. The road ahead is not easy, we still have many things to discuss and work through. But at least now my heart is in the right place. My God is all sufficient for me. And in Him, I have all the strength and grace I need to love, understand and support. So come what may, I know who is the One who sustains us and I am not afraid any longer.
"You don't love someone because they're perfect; you love them in spite of the fact that they're not." //Jodi Picoult; My Sister's Keeper So it's been a talk that was long overdue. And when we finally did talk about it, I realised that there is no easy solution in sight. But thank you for taking the lead to initiate this conversation and for listening to me, understanding my emotions and giving me space. You want me to be happy and I want the same for you. Where God leads us, let us follow. Through new seasons, through uncertainty, through heartache. Let testing produce perseverance and let perseverance finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. When the going gets tough, the ones in a covenant get going.
"She did not need much. Wanted very little. A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water, a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms, a cosy bed and to love and be loved in return." //Starra Neely Blade And when I'm with you, you open up my eyes to show me that love and contentment can actually be very simple. That joy can be found in a cosy, lazy cafe on a Saturday evening sharing life over coffee, fries and pasta. That unadulterated excitement can exist in dodging shoppers along the noisy, bustling alleys of Little India and Mustafa Centre. That love can steep and stew over an accidental ninety-minute bus journey of epic proportions, starting from a lonely bus terminal at st michael's and ending up right back where we started. Maybe it's been unknowingly inculcated in us to expect the grandiose, the glittering and the glamorous from our relationships. Maybe it's in every k-drama, every love song, every movie that we've watched and unknowingly grown to expect in our own lives. But again and again, you show me that love is both simpler and deeper than that. That it's in your willingness to spend dinnertime explaining the finer aspects of audit work to a completely confused amateur, in your protective shadow hovering right behind me as we navigate the swarming side-alleys of Little India, in your unwavering resolute to stay awake and entertain me on the extremely long bus journey home. And in all these little things, time and time again, I come back to the same conclusion. That God's choice for me is always incomparably good and he will never allow me to doubt Him or you.
We celebrated our 16th monthsary and his 26th birthday this week! With our favourite things like coffee, games, long walks and steaks in abundance! What an amazing journey it has been thus far, ever since the faithful day you made the cheesy comment that I was your cup of tea :) Thank you God for letting our paths cross, for keeping us together and for bringing us forward each and every day. You have made my life the most wonderful adventure ever since you came in. Thank you for leading me, loving me and taking care of me. tous les jours je t'aime. every day I love you.
Today we went for our couple time session with Uncle CS and Aunt PK, and what an eye-opening session it was. Just to have time to sit down and discuss our issues openly, talk about our strength areas, our growth areas and all the future areas of living and working together that we will have, was just really amazing. And I think it's opened my eyes more to who I was, what I am and who I eventually want to become. Right now, I know that I hold back a lot and that I fear a lot. I'm afraid of loss, of being let down, of getting hurt, of giving too much, showing too quickly, being too vulnerable. But Uncle CS is right, that I need to give him a chance, and give us a chance. Because I know he is different,I know that he is chosen, I know that he has never done a thing to let me down. But at times, the fear of the unknown rings really loudly. How will I react when he finally gets into his peak period and is really tied down by all his audit engagements? Will I really be able to cope the way I say I can? Will things turn out the way they used to play out all the time? But I know it will be okay. All it takes it to breakdown the hedge I've built around myself, one part at a time, one day at a time. Step by step, until we reach the finishing point together.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." //Proverbs 3:5-6 Last night was a truly wonderful time of fellowship with the OL 8 cellies :) I especially loved the fact that we had such a open time of sharing about our struggles and little triumphs, that even though we're nowhere near complete, we're always trusting and trying. And I'm so glad that I got to share the things that are upon my heart as UU moves into a new job and new season and that there are people to pray alongside with me and encourage me. Even though many things may change, I know that the God who brought us together never changes. And He who is faithful to bring us to it will be faithful to bring us through it. We hold on to you and we look to you.
"As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one." //Ephesians 5:31-32
We officially graduated from the marriage prep course today with a celebratory dinner at the SIA sports club! And what an amazing journey it has been, going through the five sessions, tackling the bible studies and homework together, getting to know other couples and hearing their wonderful stories and having opportunities to discuss issues we never thought we would have to deal with as a couple. Over the past five weeks, we've heard and learnt so much from all the couples we've met and I finally understand what people mean when they say that every couple is unique and beautiful and have their own story to tell. My biggest takeaway from the course has been a fresh perspective on just how deep and beautiful the marriage covenant is, that it is akin to the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church. That when you take your marriage vows, it is the beginning of something selfless, sacred and irrevocable, until death. That when you vow to have and to hold from this day forward, there is nothing that should come between these vows; not circumstances, not poverty, not illness, not until death do you part. And while I always knew these words, I never understood how central these vows were to the marriage. That truly on your wedding day, nothing else matters as much as the moment when you stand before man and God, to swear these words to each other. More than that, I've also learnt that the wedding is only the first step to a journey of a lifetime. A lifetime where there will definitely be pain and struggle but also immense joy and companionship. And now, I can begin to understand more of what it actually means to be married. That it will not just be about a lavish wedding or a exotic honeymoon, but it will be about loving God together, doing life together and supporting each other in every way possible. Thank you for beginning this journey with me. I look forward to walking it to the end with you.
This has been a post that's long overdue but I really wanted to sit down and blog about it properly so that I will remember every lovely detail and thing we did. So here it is, our first anniversary celebration! I started off not having much expectations about the anniversary celebration, mostly because UU is quite a chillaxed and spontaneous person so I didn't know whether he had put much thought into the planning haha. On that day itself, he told me that we would meet early but we ended up meeting around 12pm. Haha but the wait was all worth it when he pulled up to my place in this little red ride! Apparently he had gotten it so we could drive around Singapore the whole day :)
And a bigger and lovelier surprise was waiting for me when I popped in - the prettiest bouquet of flowers I've ever gotten was waiting for me on the front seat! Haha to be honest, this is only the second time I've gotten flowers from him. And while I'm not really a flowers kinda girl, I think it's a really sweet gesture that really touched me :) With that, we headed off to our favourite changi village to get some brunch!
We decided to visit Jacob's Cafe, a Christian restaurant that I've always wanted to try! It's tucked away in a little corner, and on the weekends it feels like the perfect place to chill. They serve such hearty breakfasts! Don't be fooled by the size of the portions on the plate, I was super full by my third piece of toast haha.
After a hearty brunch, we decided we needed to exercise haha. Being very spontaneous (aka make no plans), we decided since it was hot, it would be good to go bowling in an air-con place and ended up driving down to tampines safra! Haha but as we haven't bowled in such a longgg time, we were really such noobs compared to the bowling pros in the lanes next to us! Some more we had to take a break in between after the first game cos we felt quite exhausted haha. We ended up people-watching in the rest area afterwards, watching some primary school students training and they were really good! Doing curve balls and everything while we were just struggling to ensure our balls didn't end up in the gutters haha.
After the workout, we headed to melba cafe which is tucked away in a quiet corner of goodman road! The place is really nice and chill and we managed to have some cakes and tea to settle our growling tummies! After that, we also took a short walk around the area to just ooh and aah at some of the lovely terrace houses that lined the streets. Haha not that we were ever hoping to buy a house here, but it was just nice to stroll and fantasise together :)
After the afternoon break, we headed to east coast for our favourite Jap food - sushi tei! Wheeee! Even though the place was kinda crowded, we managed to snag two seats at a quiet corner of the counter where we could eat our food in peace and do some people-watching!
Finallyyyy, it was time for present giving! Haha my present was a set of couple watches which I had sneakily sought his opinion on a few weeks before! And amazingly, his present was spot on - a cross necklace matching the one that he already wears around his neck! Haha what a lovely surprise :)
After present giving, we headed to marina barrage for the final event of the night - chilling and star gazing! All in all, it was a wonderful anniversary, way beyond what I could have planned or imagined. Thank you for loving me, for taking care of me, for always being mine. You are more than what I could ever dream or hope for. And I look forward to many, many more years with you. Thank God for you, thank God for us.
The Christmas and week after has been a wonderful whirlwind of activity! My life in peektures for now :)
On Christmas day, my family and I went for the healing service and it was an amazing service. Managed to pray for two ladies with different needs and I was greatly encouraged by their courage and faith in the face of illness. After that, my family and I celebrated my youngest sister's birthday at Soup Restaurant and chilled out at McCafe for a bit while my sisters went shopping! At night, went to watch The Hobbit 2 with UU at Tampines! I have to say that the movie was pleasant only because of him :p otherwise the show was wayyy too draggy, a bit sad that my treasured LOTR series has turned out like that :(
Went to attend a church wedding with UU on Saturday as his colleague was getting married! The wedding was held at Wesley Methodist Church, opposite the YMCA at Dhoby Ghaut. It was my first time at this church even though I have friends attending services there. And I got to say that the church is a wonderful mix of past and present, with vintage red brick sitting right next to a new glass wing. The only downside is that the church seems to only have a speaker at the front so that sound gets quite muffled at the back. But in any case, it was a lovely lovely wedding! Felt a bit sad that riverlife church has two center aisles, unlike the old churches which have one center aisle, so it won't be as picture perfect if couples get married at my church. But oh wells, like UU said, it's the relationship and history of the couple with the church that matters haha.
On our way down from Wesley Methodist (which sits on a hill), we spotted a huge traffic mirror and managed to snap a selfie! Haha as we were going down the steps, I realised the afternoon lighting was perfect and we took another pic! Singapore's weather has been quite lovely this past week, all cool and windy and not too sunny!
Cos we were supposed to meet the rest for teo heng around 4pm, we decided to hang around plaza sing for a while. I felt a bit bloated after lunch and my stomach wasn't that comfortable so UU suggested we get yakult drinks. Apparently, according to him, it really helps with wind in the stomach. Haha I was quite disbelieving at first cos I thought it was gonna give me stomach upsets, but surprisingly it did help a lot with the bloatedness! But I really felt like a kid again drinking Yakult! Can still remember all the times I had to beg my grandma for a yakult after meals cos it felt like such a dessert treat at that time!
Went to celebrate Ben's birthday with the SMU cell after church today and it was so sooo much fun! I've forgotten how much I love to hang out with this gang of people, with all their different crazy personalities! And we've set up a teo heng appointment for next week wheeee!
To round off the week, I got a haircut after Ben's birthday celebration! My fringe was toooo long and kept getting in the way and I felt like my hair was getting too thick so decided to trim it before CNY and my hairdresser starts inflating her prices! After the trim, my hair did feel a lotttt lighter but my mom complained that it didn't look like I had cut it -.- ahh whatever, I felt like I could have gone out onto the streets immediately after my haircut, which to me shows that it's definitely a good haircut!
"Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.” " //Corrie ten Boom; The Hiding Place Maybe you don't know how much it actually means to me, even after I've tried my best to express it in words. But for some reason, it feels like some wound from the past was closed up today. To know that there is someone out there who will really put down all the things that he needs to do and come through for me, just because I really need him to. Someone who sees through all the fronts I put up and knows exactly how I'm feeling. Someone who esteems me and loves me above the many other things which call out for his attention. Someone whom I know I can entrust my heart and feelings to, because he will never ever take them lightly. And because of what happened today, it feels like I could let go of something in my past. To know that I don't have to hide who I am because I'm afraid of your reaction, to know that I will not be let down when I'm being difficult, to know that I'm valued above the other things in your life. Thank you for giving me what I sometimes do not deserve. Thank you Lord for giving me only the best.
"Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman." //Justice Louis D. Brandeis; What Publicity Can Do I don't think it was a big secret to start with. But, in the right place at the right time, with the right questions, I think we had one of the more bare-boned conversations we've had in awhile. And you're right. We struggle with all these things because we are not perfect, because we're all works-in-progress. Now that you know me and I know you, we can struggle together with love, understanding and prayer. Two > one and HE > I.
Sometimes I feel like my heart will burst from all the waiting. The waiting for things to happen, the waiting for the future to come. But then I remember you make all things beautiful in your time. So I hope, and I turn my face towards you, knowing that even though so many things are up in the air now, sooner or later, you will make this a beautiful journey.
"Love never fails - 1 Corinthians 13:8. What an amazing statement that is, love never fails. Everything else in life will fall away. Careers will end, children will grow up and move away, the things of life may rust and decay, friends may disappoint, but love never fails. It's the one thing you can count on. God's love for you is constant and sure and never disappoints. It's the one thing that will be left standing at the end of the day. It's the standard. Let that love be the guide for your love for your spouse. Make your unfailing love for him a giving and forgiving love; a love that puts his needs first, a love that doesn't for anything in return; a love that never fails." //A Love Goal your love is steady as a rock, unchanging through the seasons. though the people in my life come and go, you remain always, always the same. and in my darkest hours, I turn to you and am assured, that you I can roll everything in my life unto you and trust in your providence. even as I have known your love, teach me that same love towards other. a love that is selfless, a love that is devoted, a love that stands ever and ever sure.
"This is for all the people I’ll never meet. this is for the person I might have kissed had I taken a different subway line on Saturday and the person I might have been if that boy hadn’t broken my mother’s teenage heart. This is for the people I would have loved if last winter hasn’t been so cold and for the city I would have called home if I had written haikus on napkins and carried pens in dress pockets and in the knots of my hair. This is for who I was, who I am, who I might be. This is for you." //Camryn Pulaski Sometimes, you meet people who make you wonder, what if, what if. But when I ask you the same question, you give me the firmest answer I will ever hear in the space of a heartbeat, no never wondered if, because you're the best for me and I know it. Love with intensity, love with conviction. Everyday I'm with you, I learn something new.
I guess I don't have anything useful to add to the soulmate/the one/you complete me debate, when the comments on the original blog post are so many and so thought-provoking. All I know is that I have a real and original story to share of what actually happened to me one night during a Highlife uni area camp. That because of what happened, my life is changed and I have an amazing companion (that is by God's grace) for life. Everyone's story is different. Yours is, and so will mine be. One day, when all is ready and the timing is perfect, I will get to share my story.
"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” //Luke 9:23-25 (NIV Version)
Today, I come to the end of a journey that I've walked for five years. Today, I stand at the starting line of a new marathon that may last for a lifetime. Today, I am called to the Bar. Many people have asked me what it means to be called. Simply put, to be called to the Bar means to be legally qualified to represent your client in court and to argue on his behalf. Historically, it was used to refer to wooden barriers in old courtrooms, which acted as a divide between the public area and the space in front of the judges that was reserved for those having business with the Court. And even today, if you go into a modern courtroom, it still refers to the closed-off area in front of the judges that are reserved for lawyers arguing before the Court. In short, to be called means you now have the right of audience before the Court. But to be called also means 'to have a calling'. A calling to do the will of the one who called me to carry out his purposes. And as I start my first week as a legal associate, I am reminded to look back on where and why I started on this journey. To remember that it is not money, skills or status that makes a good lawyer but a passion to serve and a willingness to be used. For his purposes always, and not my own. So I stand at the starting line and I lay down all my achievements again. To build an altar to you, committing the rest of my career as a lawyer to you. Do with me what you will. So that as I walk into this working world, I will never lose sight of what I love. That daily, I will take up my cross and follow you. Where you lead me, always make my heart willing to go.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever." //Ephesians 3:20 (NIV Version)
Before I met you and actually knew you, I had no idea that learning to love was a curveball process. There is really no falling into daily routines or comfortable patterns with you. There are joyful, playful moments, there are difficult and intense moments and there are lovely, growing together moments. But what I've come to treasure most are the times when I see myself wanting to be different because of you. That because of you, I learn to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong, I can step out of my comfort zone and dare to put my heart on my sleeve, I am willing to embrace the people who are important to you and make them a part of my life as well, In short, I become a better person because of you. And I am grateful, eternally grateful that God put you in my path. That even before I knew you, God knew better exactly what I needed and he made the choice for me. You might not be all that I imagined, but you are everything that I've needed. So in spite of everything that's been said about 'the One', my experience on this journey has taught me two timeless truths:- (1) My God knows all the plans he has for me and his plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me; (2) When I trust in him with all my heart and lean not on my understanding, he makes my paths straight for me. So until what I've seen comes to pass, on this long and winding journey ahead, over the ups and the downs, hold our hands and walk with us.
"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labour; If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV Version) And with you, I learn so many new things about myself. That maybe sometimes I am selfish, maybe sometimes I think too much of myself first, that may be sometimes my actions are not aligned with the things that I say I will do. But I am learning, and I am understanding that it takes two. That if I say you are important to me, then my actions must reflect that. So I will consider your feelings, esteem your opinion of others, involve you in my decisions, make time for you, pick up the things that are important to you and appreciate you for all the things you have done for me. It has been an intense week. But I am grateful for the things I've learnt, for the deeper level of understanding it has given to us.
"Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste; As it keeps my heart and soul in its place; And I will love with urgency, but not with haste." //Mumford & Sons; Not with Haste Maybe sometimes I take your kindness and love for granted. Maybe sometimes I forget how difficult it is and much effort it takes. Maybe sometimes I should stop, look at how amazing you are and then count my blessings, each and every single one of them.
"Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them." //Psalm 126:1-2 (NIV Version) And I'm still slowly learning all that there is to me, to you, to all that we are. Of the nooks, crannies and crevices where we put the things that are important to us. Of the pasts we've endured, the present things we struggle with, the future we're hoping for. Of learning to hope again and be secure in you and in God. I know we can only do the best we can with the pitfalls we've anticipated. But I choose to believe this time, it's different. This time, you've made the commitment and I entrust it to God. This time, we'll make it through. By your grace, we'll make it through.
"We are often running on fumes, spiritually, but we must know where the fuel station is, and even more important, that it exists. After trying all kinds of other things, Christians have learned that the worship of God with the whole heart is in the assurance of his love through the work of Jesus Christ is the thing their souls were meant to "run on". That is what gets all the heart's cylinders to fire. If this is not understood, then we will not have the resources to be good spouses. If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility." //Timothy Keller; The Meaning of Marriage This has been a really hectic two weeks for us. He's been busy with deadlines, going to Malaysia then to Hong Kong and his company's d&d. I've been busy with flying to Shanghai. And in the midst of all this busyness, we've been really snappy with each other. And I've really been struggling with how to cope with his new hectic work and study schedule, with how to give love and affection and understanding even when I feel like I am not getting any from him. For some reason, it feels like I've been in this bind for a long time. Where I try my hardest to be loving and understanding and tell him that it's okay that we don't get to spend any time together, but later my emotions overcome me and I get really needy and irritated with him and I show it in my texts to him. And he gets really stressed and overwhelmed by all the demands made on him. Then we end up being really hurt and angry and disappointed with each other. And it feels like a cycle that has been repeating itself ever since he got into his new job. When I was in Shanghai, I think we hit a low point where we stopped trying to reach out to each other. He said to give him time and space, so I did. But I was really bothered about how to deal with it all and when we would eventually get to talk about it. To take my mind off things, I picked up Timothy Keller's book on marriage and started going through it. And by God's grace, I came to this particular chapter which was talking about the power that we need in a marriage. Amazingly, everything in that chapter spoke deeply to me about our current situation. Through the book, God taught me three important principles:- (1) My ability to give love and understanding and affection does not come from my partner, but it comes from God alone; (2) The purpose of a marriage is to learn to submit - that is, to consider and count the interests of my partner as more important than my own; and (3) The thing that prevents me from submitting is my own self-centredness and that is the root of every problem in a relationship. In a moment, I think the knot that was in my heart just undid itself and I understood what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to stop focusing on what man could do for me but to focus on God's love and affection for me. That once I understood the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, I would be filled with enough strength and grace to continue loving and caring for him in our relationship. Once I put my focus on the right person then it no longer mattered whether I felt my love and affection was being reciprocated or if I felt I was getting the amount of love and attention that I needed. Because God had freely given to me His love, I could also freely give love. I did not have to keep records or accounts of how much I had received before I could give. And I think that's been the single most liberating rhema word I've gotten from God since we've gotten into this bind. The road ahead is not easy, we still have many things to discuss and work through. But at least now my heart is in the right place. My God is all sufficient for me. And in Him, I have all the strength and grace I need to love, understand and support. So come what may, I know who is the One who sustains us and I am not afraid any longer.
"You don't love someone because they're perfect; you love them in spite of the fact that they're not." //Jodi Picoult; My Sister's Keeper So it's been a talk that was long overdue. And when we finally did talk about it, I realised that there is no easy solution in sight. But thank you for taking the lead to initiate this conversation and for listening to me, understanding my emotions and giving me space. You want me to be happy and I want the same for you. Where God leads us, let us follow. Through new seasons, through uncertainty, through heartache. Let testing produce perseverance and let perseverance finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. When the going gets tough, the ones in a covenant get going.
"She did not need much. Wanted very little. A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water, a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms, a cosy bed and to love and be loved in return." //Starra Neely Blade And when I'm with you, you open up my eyes to show me that love and contentment can actually be very simple. That joy can be found in a cosy, lazy cafe on a Saturday evening sharing life over coffee, fries and pasta. That unadulterated excitement can exist in dodging shoppers along the noisy, bustling alleys of Little India and Mustafa Centre. That love can steep and stew over an accidental ninety-minute bus journey of epic proportions, starting from a lonely bus terminal at st michael's and ending up right back where we started. Maybe it's been unknowingly inculcated in us to expect the grandiose, the glittering and the glamorous from our relationships. Maybe it's in every k-drama, every love song, every movie that we've watched and unknowingly grown to expect in our own lives. But again and again, you show me that love is both simpler and deeper than that. That it's in your willingness to spend dinnertime explaining the finer aspects of audit work to a completely confused amateur, in your protective shadow hovering right behind me as we navigate the swarming side-alleys of Little India, in your unwavering resolute to stay awake and entertain me on the extremely long bus journey home. And in all these little things, time and time again, I come back to the same conclusion. That God's choice for me is always incomparably good and he will never allow me to doubt Him or you.
We celebrated our 16th monthsary and his 26th birthday this week! With our favourite things like coffee, games, long walks and steaks in abundance! What an amazing journey it has been thus far, ever since the faithful day you made the cheesy comment that I was your cup of tea :) Thank you God for letting our paths cross, for keeping us together and for bringing us forward each and every day. You have made my life the most wonderful adventure ever since you came in. Thank you for leading me, loving me and taking care of me. tous les jours je t'aime. every day I love you.
Today we went for our couple time session with Uncle CS and Aunt PK, and what an eye-opening session it was. Just to have time to sit down and discuss our issues openly, talk about our strength areas, our growth areas and all the future areas of living and working together that we will have, was just really amazing. And I think it's opened my eyes more to who I was, what I am and who I eventually want to become. Right now, I know that I hold back a lot and that I fear a lot. I'm afraid of loss, of being let down, of getting hurt, of giving too much, showing too quickly, being too vulnerable. But Uncle CS is right, that I need to give him a chance, and give us a chance. Because I know he is different,I know that he is chosen, I know that he has never done a thing to let me down. But at times, the fear of the unknown rings really loudly. How will I react when he finally gets into his peak period and is really tied down by all his audit engagements? Will I really be able to cope the way I say I can? Will things turn out the way they used to play out all the time? But I know it will be okay. All it takes it to breakdown the hedge I've built around myself, one part at a time, one day at a time. Step by step, until we reach the finishing point together.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." //Proverbs 3:5-6 Last night was a truly wonderful time of fellowship with the OL 8 cellies :) I especially loved the fact that we had such a open time of sharing about our struggles and little triumphs, that even though we're nowhere near complete, we're always trusting and trying. And I'm so glad that I got to share the things that are upon my heart as UU moves into a new job and new season and that there are people to pray alongside with me and encourage me. Even though many things may change, I know that the God who brought us together never changes. And He who is faithful to bring us to it will be faithful to bring us through it. We hold on to you and we look to you.
"As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one." //Ephesians 5:31-32
We officially graduated from the marriage prep course today with a celebratory dinner at the SIA sports club! And what an amazing journey it has been, going through the five sessions, tackling the bible studies and homework together, getting to know other couples and hearing their wonderful stories and having opportunities to discuss issues we never thought we would have to deal with as a couple. Over the past five weeks, we've heard and learnt so much from all the couples we've met and I finally understand what people mean when they say that every couple is unique and beautiful and have their own story to tell. My biggest takeaway from the course has been a fresh perspective on just how deep and beautiful the marriage covenant is, that it is akin to the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church. That when you take your marriage vows, it is the beginning of something selfless, sacred and irrevocable, until death. That when you vow to have and to hold from this day forward, there is nothing that should come between these vows; not circumstances, not poverty, not illness, not until death do you part. And while I always knew these words, I never understood how central these vows were to the marriage. That truly on your wedding day, nothing else matters as much as the moment when you stand before man and God, to swear these words to each other. More than that, I've also learnt that the wedding is only the first step to a journey of a lifetime. A lifetime where there will definitely be pain and struggle but also immense joy and companionship. And now, I can begin to understand more of what it actually means to be married. That it will not just be about a lavish wedding or a exotic honeymoon, but it will be about loving God together, doing life together and supporting each other in every way possible. Thank you for beginning this journey with me. I look forward to walking it to the end with you.
This has been a post that's long overdue but I really wanted to sit down and blog about it properly so that I will remember every lovely detail and thing we did. So here it is, our first anniversary celebration! I started off not having much expectations about the anniversary celebration, mostly because UU is quite a chillaxed and spontaneous person so I didn't know whether he had put much thought into the planning haha. On that day itself, he told me that we would meet early but we ended up meeting around 12pm. Haha but the wait was all worth it when he pulled up to my place in this little red ride! Apparently he had gotten it so we could drive around Singapore the whole day :)
And a bigger and lovelier surprise was waiting for me when I popped in - the prettiest bouquet of flowers I've ever gotten was waiting for me on the front seat! Haha to be honest, this is only the second time I've gotten flowers from him. And while I'm not really a flowers kinda girl, I think it's a really sweet gesture that really touched me :) With that, we headed off to our favourite changi village to get some brunch!
We decided to visit Jacob's Cafe, a Christian restaurant that I've always wanted to try! It's tucked away in a little corner, and on the weekends it feels like the perfect place to chill. They serve such hearty breakfasts! Don't be fooled by the size of the portions on the plate, I was super full by my third piece of toast haha.
After a hearty brunch, we decided we needed to exercise haha. Being very spontaneous (aka make no plans), we decided since it was hot, it would be good to go bowling in an air-con place and ended up driving down to tampines safra! Haha but as we haven't bowled in such a longgg time, we were really such noobs compared to the bowling pros in the lanes next to us! Some more we had to take a break in between after the first game cos we felt quite exhausted haha. We ended up people-watching in the rest area afterwards, watching some primary school students training and they were really good! Doing curve balls and everything while we were just struggling to ensure our balls didn't end up in the gutters haha.
After the workout, we headed to melba cafe which is tucked away in a quiet corner of goodman road! The place is really nice and chill and we managed to have some cakes and tea to settle our growling tummies! After that, we also took a short walk around the area to just ooh and aah at some of the lovely terrace houses that lined the streets. Haha not that we were ever hoping to buy a house here, but it was just nice to stroll and fantasise together :)
After the afternoon break, we headed to east coast for our favourite Jap food - sushi tei! Wheeee! Even though the place was kinda crowded, we managed to snag two seats at a quiet corner of the counter where we could eat our food in peace and do some people-watching!
Finallyyyy, it was time for present giving! Haha my present was a set of couple watches which I had sneakily sought his opinion on a few weeks before! And amazingly, his present was spot on - a cross necklace matching the one that he already wears around his neck! Haha what a lovely surprise :)
After present giving, we headed to marina barrage for the final event of the night - chilling and star gazing! All in all, it was a wonderful anniversary, way beyond what I could have planned or imagined. Thank you for loving me, for taking care of me, for always being mine. You are more than what I could ever dream or hope for. And I look forward to many, many more years with you. Thank God for you, thank God for us.
The Christmas and week after has been a wonderful whirlwind of activity! My life in peektures for now :)
On Christmas day, my family and I went for the healing service and it was an amazing service. Managed to pray for two ladies with different needs and I was greatly encouraged by their courage and faith in the face of illness. After that, my family and I celebrated my youngest sister's birthday at Soup Restaurant and chilled out at McCafe for a bit while my sisters went shopping! At night, went to watch The Hobbit 2 with UU at Tampines! I have to say that the movie was pleasant only because of him :p otherwise the show was wayyy too draggy, a bit sad that my treasured LOTR series has turned out like that :(
Went to attend a church wedding with UU on Saturday as his colleague was getting married! The wedding was held at Wesley Methodist Church, opposite the YMCA at Dhoby Ghaut. It was my first time at this church even though I have friends attending services there. And I got to say that the church is a wonderful mix of past and present, with vintage red brick sitting right next to a new glass wing. The only downside is that the church seems to only have a speaker at the front so that sound gets quite muffled at the back. But in any case, it was a lovely lovely wedding! Felt a bit sad that riverlife church has two center aisles, unlike the old churches which have one center aisle, so it won't be as picture perfect if couples get married at my church. But oh wells, like UU said, it's the relationship and history of the couple with the church that matters haha.
On our way down from Wesley Methodist (which sits on a hill), we spotted a huge traffic mirror and managed to snap a selfie! Haha as we were going down the steps, I realised the afternoon lighting was perfect and we took another pic! Singapore's weather has been quite lovely this past week, all cool and windy and not too sunny!
Cos we were supposed to meet the rest for teo heng around 4pm, we decided to hang around plaza sing for a while. I felt a bit bloated after lunch and my stomach wasn't that comfortable so UU suggested we get yakult drinks. Apparently, according to him, it really helps with wind in the stomach. Haha I was quite disbelieving at first cos I thought it was gonna give me stomach upsets, but surprisingly it did help a lot with the bloatedness! But I really felt like a kid again drinking Yakult! Can still remember all the times I had to beg my grandma for a yakult after meals cos it felt like such a dessert treat at that time!
Went to celebrate Ben's birthday with the SMU cell after church today and it was so sooo much fun! I've forgotten how much I love to hang out with this gang of people, with all their different crazy personalities! And we've set up a teo heng appointment for next week wheeee!
To round off the week, I got a haircut after Ben's birthday celebration! My fringe was toooo long and kept getting in the way and I felt like my hair was getting too thick so decided to trim it before CNY and my hairdresser starts inflating her prices! After the trim, my hair did feel a lotttt lighter but my mom complained that it didn't look like I had cut it -.- ahh whatever, I felt like I could have gone out onto the streets immediately after my haircut, which to me shows that it's definitely a good haircut!
"Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.” " //Corrie ten Boom; The Hiding Place Maybe you don't know how much it actually means to me, even after I've tried my best to express it in words. But for some reason, it feels like some wound from the past was closed up today. To know that there is someone out there who will really put down all the things that he needs to do and come through for me, just because I really need him to. Someone who sees through all the fronts I put up and knows exactly how I'm feeling. Someone who esteems me and loves me above the many other things which call out for his attention. Someone whom I know I can entrust my heart and feelings to, because he will never ever take them lightly. And because of what happened today, it feels like I could let go of something in my past. To know that I don't have to hide who I am because I'm afraid of your reaction, to know that I will not be let down when I'm being difficult, to know that I'm valued above the other things in your life. Thank you for giving me what I sometimes do not deserve. Thank you Lord for giving me only the best.
"Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman." //Justice Louis D. Brandeis; What Publicity Can Do I don't think it was a big secret to start with. But, in the right place at the right time, with the right questions, I think we had one of the more bare-boned conversations we've had in awhile. And you're right. We struggle with all these things because we are not perfect, because we're all works-in-progress. Now that you know me and I know you, we can struggle together with love, understanding and prayer. Two > one and HE > I.
Sometimes I feel like my heart will burst from all the waiting. The waiting for things to happen, the waiting for the future to come. But then I remember you make all things beautiful in your time. So I hope, and I turn my face towards you, knowing that even though so many things are up in the air now, sooner or later, you will make this a beautiful journey.
"Love never fails - 1 Corinthians 13:8. What an amazing statement that is, love never fails. Everything else in life will fall away. Careers will end, children will grow up and move away, the things of life may rust and decay, friends may disappoint, but love never fails. It's the one thing you can count on. God's love for you is constant and sure and never disappoints. It's the one thing that will be left standing at the end of the day. It's the standard. Let that love be the guide for your love for your spouse. Make your unfailing love for him a giving and forgiving love; a love that puts his needs first, a love that doesn't for anything in return; a love that never fails." //A Love Goal your love is steady as a rock, unchanging through the seasons. though the people in my life come and go, you remain always, always the same. and in my darkest hours, I turn to you and am assured, that you I can roll everything in my life unto you and trust in your providence. even as I have known your love, teach me that same love towards other. a love that is selfless, a love that is devoted, a love that stands ever and ever sure.
"This is for all the people I’ll never meet. this is for the person I might have kissed had I taken a different subway line on Saturday and the person I might have been if that boy hadn’t broken my mother’s teenage heart. This is for the people I would have loved if last winter hasn’t been so cold and for the city I would have called home if I had written haikus on napkins and carried pens in dress pockets and in the knots of my hair. This is for who I was, who I am, who I might be. This is for you." //Camryn Pulaski Sometimes, you meet people who make you wonder, what if, what if. But when I ask you the same question, you give me the firmest answer I will ever hear in the space of a heartbeat, no never wondered if, because you're the best for me and I know it. Love with intensity, love with conviction. Everyday I'm with you, I learn something new.
I guess I don't have anything useful to add to the soulmate/the one/you complete me debate, when the comments on the original blog post are so many and so thought-provoking. All I know is that I have a real and original story to share of what actually happened to me one night during a Highlife uni area camp. That because of what happened, my life is changed and I have an amazing companion (that is by God's grace) for life. Everyone's story is different. Yours is, and so will mine be. One day, when all is ready and the timing is perfect, I will get to share my story.
"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” //Luke 9:23-25 (NIV Version)
Today, I come to the end of a journey that I've walked for five years. Today, I stand at the starting line of a new marathon that may last for a lifetime. Today, I am called to the Bar. Many people have asked me what it means to be called. Simply put, to be called to the Bar means to be legally qualified to represent your client in court and to argue on his behalf. Historically, it was used to refer to wooden barriers in old courtrooms, which acted as a divide between the public area and the space in front of the judges that was reserved for those having business with the Court. And even today, if you go into a modern courtroom, it still refers to the closed-off area in front of the judges that are reserved for lawyers arguing before the Court. In short, to be called means you now have the right of audience before the Court. But to be called also means 'to have a calling'. A calling to do the will of the one who called me to carry out his purposes. And as I start my first week as a legal associate, I am reminded to look back on where and why I started on this journey. To remember that it is not money, skills or status that makes a good lawyer but a passion to serve and a willingness to be used. For his purposes always, and not my own. So I stand at the starting line and I lay down all my achievements again. To build an altar to you, committing the rest of my career as a lawyer to you. Do with me what you will. So that as I walk into this working world, I will never lose sight of what I love. That daily, I will take up my cross and follow you. Where you lead me, always make my heart willing to go.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever." //Ephesians 3:20 (NIV Version)
Before I met you and actually knew you, I had no idea that learning to love was a curveball process. There is really no falling into daily routines or comfortable patterns with you. There are joyful, playful moments, there are difficult and intense moments and there are lovely, growing together moments. But what I've come to treasure most are the times when I see myself wanting to be different because of you. That because of you, I learn to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong, I can step out of my comfort zone and dare to put my heart on my sleeve, I am willing to embrace the people who are important to you and make them a part of my life as well, In short, I become a better person because of you. And I am grateful, eternally grateful that God put you in my path. That even before I knew you, God knew better exactly what I needed and he made the choice for me. You might not be all that I imagined, but you are everything that I've needed. So in spite of everything that's been said about 'the One', my experience on this journey has taught me two timeless truths:- (1) My God knows all the plans he has for me and his plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me; (2) When I trust in him with all my heart and lean not on my understanding, he makes my paths straight for me. So until what I've seen comes to pass, on this long and winding journey ahead, over the ups and the downs, hold our hands and walk with us.
"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labour; If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV Version) And with you, I learn so many new things about myself. That maybe sometimes I am selfish, maybe sometimes I think too much of myself first, that may be sometimes my actions are not aligned with the things that I say I will do. But I am learning, and I am understanding that it takes two. That if I say you are important to me, then my actions must reflect that. So I will consider your feelings, esteem your opinion of others, involve you in my decisions, make time for you, pick up the things that are important to you and appreciate you for all the things you have done for me. It has been an intense week. But I am grateful for the things I've learnt, for the deeper level of understanding it has given to us.
"Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste; As it keeps my heart and soul in its place; And I will love with urgency, but not with haste." //Mumford & Sons; Not with Haste Maybe sometimes I take your kindness and love for granted. Maybe sometimes I forget how difficult it is and much effort it takes. Maybe sometimes I should stop, look at how amazing you are and then count my blessings, each and every single one of them.
"Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them." //Psalm 126:1-2 (NIV Version) And I'm still slowly learning all that there is to me, to you, to all that we are. Of the nooks, crannies and crevices where we put the things that are important to us. Of the pasts we've endured, the present things we struggle with, the future we're hoping for. Of learning to hope again and be secure in you and in God. I know we can only do the best we can with the pitfalls we've anticipated. But I choose to believe this time, it's different. This time, you've made the commitment and I entrust it to God. This time, we'll make it through. By your grace, we'll make it through.
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