10 February, 2012
;10:43 PM "I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all the small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much."
//John Green; Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Hmm, I still think that I'm a person of milestones. And when I've reached that milestone, it's a bit frustrating to have someone tell you that by the way, you're not there yet, please finish up this last thing before it's all done. As CX said, I finished my 2.4km run awesomely to the best of my ability, came to the finish line, only to have someone say, oh you're duty-bound do this extra two more rounds before we can count this as officially finished. But all the complaining aside, I know that I'm extremely blessed to have this opportunity to go there and show others what we've done for the last six months so thank you for giving it to me.
Even if it's just two more rounds, I will do my best.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."
//Lauren Kate; Fallen
And just when I thought it was all over, you never fail to find a way to surprise me. What should I do about this open door? I'm not sure yet but I don't want my emotions to run amok and stand in the way of doing your will. So let me sleep on it and come to a decision tomorrow. Let my decision be what you would want me to do.
4 February, 2012
;9:42 PM How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."
//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir
I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.
What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."
//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance
Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.
Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.
"I think some love you can stand to let go of because it’s ultimately for the best, but other types you have to stick with until the day you die even when it’s hard.You have to think about that before you run away from wherever you are."
//Nick Burd; The Vast Fields of Ordinary
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Until the darkness turns to light and all our hopes come to pass, give me the strength I need to hold onto your promises. One done, two more to conquer.
We always think that love is about the extravagant, about the things that sweep us off our feet. But we forget that love is about the getting used to, the putting up with, the living day-to-day. I remember all the things that I used to be obstinate about and think now that maybe back then, I was looking at myself through frosted glass. Not understanding that it was when we were in reality that we failed.
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""
//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping
I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.
"I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all the small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much."
//John Green; Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Hmm, I still think that I'm a person of milestones. And when I've reached that milestone, it's a bit frustrating to have someone tell you that by the way, you're not there yet, please finish up this last thing before it's all done. As CX said, I finished my 2.4km run awesomely to the best of my ability, came to the finish line, only to have someone say, oh you're duty-bound do this extra two more rounds before we can count this as officially finished. But all the complaining aside, I know that I'm extremely blessed to have this opportunity to go there and show others what we've done for the last six months so thank you for giving it to me.
Even if it's just two more rounds, I will do my best.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."
//Lauren Kate; Fallen
And just when I thought it was all over, you never fail to find a way to surprise me. What should I do about this open door? I'm not sure yet but I don't want my emotions to run amok and stand in the way of doing your will. So let me sleep on it and come to a decision tomorrow. Let my decision be what you would want me to do.
How do you begin to describe the ending of something that consumed your life for six months and turned it completely upside down? How do you begin the process of putting together all the tears, joy, pain, blood and sweat that went into and finally came down to one hundred and ten pages and three hours?
Let me begin with gratitude. To the One who put me there and carried me through; to the coaches and judging panels who gave so much of their weeknights and more; to my teammates who stuck out the hours of no-eating, no-sleeping and endless rewriting with me; to the friends who walked beside me, listened and supported me when the going was at its toughest; to my family who tirelessly put up with all my ups and downs. I am here only because of all of you. So thank you for seeing me through, I am truly grateful.
Then let me start on change. For six months, this has been so much a part of my life, that now I feel a little at a loss as to what to do next. But the amazing thing is I know that I'm not walking away from it empty-handed. I've learnt what it means to trust with all your heart, to push your limits constantly, to dig deep and find strength to carry on. And I know I can never be the same again.
I know that this is the end of something great, and I wished that it didn't have to come so soon. Even so, I'm so glad that I had this opportunity to do something awesome before I graduate from SMU and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd willingly do it all again in a heartbeat.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."
//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir
I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.
What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."
//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance
Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.
Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.
"I think some love you can stand to let go of because it’s ultimately for the best, but other types you have to stick with until the day you die even when it’s hard.You have to think about that before you run away from wherever you are."
//Nick Burd; The Vast Fields of Ordinary
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Until the darkness turns to light and all our hopes come to pass, give me the strength I need to hold onto your promises. One done, two more to conquer.
We always think that love is about the extravagant, about the things that sweep us off our feet. But we forget that love is about the getting used to, the putting up with, the living day-to-day. I remember all the things that I used to be obstinate about and think now that maybe back then, I was looking at myself through frosted glass. Not understanding that it was when we were in reality that we failed.
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""
//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping
I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.
