"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."
//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir
I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.
What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."
//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance
Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.
Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.
"I think some love you can stand to let go of because it’s ultimately for the best, but other types you have to stick with until the day you die even when it’s hard.You have to think about that before you run away from wherever you are."
//Nick Burd; The Vast Fields of Ordinary
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Until the darkness turns to light and all our hopes come to pass, give me the strength I need to hold onto your promises. One done, two more to conquer.
We always think that love is about the extravagant, about the things that sweep us off our feet. But we forget that love is about the getting used to, the putting up with, the living day-to-day. I remember all the things that I used to be obstinate about and think now that maybe back then, I was looking at myself through frosted glass. Not understanding that it was when we were in reality that we failed.
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""
//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping
I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.
"Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever," he said. "You might want to think about that."
"You forget some things, dont you?" "Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.""
//Cormac Mccarthy; On the Road
This week is really a crunch week like nothing I've experienced before. One research paper and one presentation deadline followed by another research paper and written submissions deadlines and a final year exam in the following week. It's like everyone decided to hit you the hardest when you're already down haha. I don't mind the work actually, but I really have a thing against compiling presentation slides! And not because it's hard to do, but because I'm a little OCD about slides. And once I start, I can't stop and I end up spending hours on something that will probably flash past everyone in a few minutes argh.
Haha but I'm trying my best to find joy in everything I do also, cos I know once the term is over, we'll look back and be amazed that the rubber band has stretched another inch without breaking.
"History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices."
//Calvin and Hobbes
I've taken all the steps that I could, that I needed to. And now it's no longer in my hands. So keep your side of the bargain, return what belongs to me and then we're done.
"It's not my story anymore: whenever I speak about the past now, I feel as if I were talking about something that has nothing to do with me. All that remains in the present are the voice, the presence, and the importance of fulfilling my mission. I don't regret difficulties I experienced; I think they helped me to become the person I am today."
//Paul Coelho; The Zahir
That was a hard, cold way of reminding me why I need to get up and resolve to place a seal upon my heart each and every day. And of course, I needed it. Needed to remember why I put everything down to run after you and why some things are better left out of sight, out of mind. Step by step, until there are only two more steps to go. You never make it easy for me because you know this is my area of weakness. But I know that you put me through it because it grows my character and one day I will be complete. Slowly, steadily, surely.
"I told myself, ‘All I want is a normal life’. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. ‘Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal’, I told myself."
//Augusten Burroughs; Running with Scissors: A Memoir
I love moots and I know that at the end, I'll be glad that I did it. But right now, it's really just consuming my entire life and messing with my head. Like I haven't packed my table and my cupboard in ages and my clothes are just falling out all over the place to the extent that I just wear stuff that doesn't need to be ironed to save myself the trouble and I wake up each morning with the first thing on my mind being, oh which part do I have to clean up now in order to meet the impending deadlines of doom! Oh wells, as a wise person once said, the harshest waves make the best fishermen. If I'm really going to stick it out in the litigation department after graduation, I had better get used to the pain and torture.
What I miss is just how much nicer it was when I was going through it with y'all.
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike. Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us."
//Nathaniel Hawthorne; The Blithdale Romance
Things were a little bit different this year after exams. We had one day of rest, one day of a movie in a parallel universe about childhood dreams, friendship and love lost; then we had four straight days of sitting inside a room facing a computer from morning until night to come up with ten pages of arguments for moots. But after the awfulness, we had breakfasts, phonecalls, MAMA, KBOXing, SJ fun, shopping, planning for SS4, SJ fantasies and as always, hope for the year after this. I like that the more things change, the more things stay the same.
Because the people who stay the same work through the change and grow stronger.
"I think some love you can stand to let go of because it’s ultimately for the best, but other types you have to stick with until the day you die even when it’s hard.You have to think about that before you run away from wherever you are."
//Nick Burd; The Vast Fields of Ordinary
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Until the darkness turns to light and all our hopes come to pass, give me the strength I need to hold onto your promises. One done, two more to conquer.
We always think that love is about the extravagant, about the things that sweep us off our feet. But we forget that love is about the getting used to, the putting up with, the living day-to-day. I remember all the things that I used to be obstinate about and think now that maybe back then, I was looking at myself through frosted glass. Not understanding that it was when we were in reality that we failed.
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.""
//Jeanette Winterson; Lighthousekeeping
I remember all the good, the bad, the angry, the ugly. I remember the laughter, the tears, the heartache. I remember the past, the here and the now. Most of all, I hold on to the birthdays, the bubble teas, the brunches, the conversations, the mugging, the note-making, the everything that we share. Seven months to go till graduation. I want us to stay the same even after, till forever. I don't know how hard we all have to work to make it happen, but I'm willing to see this through.
"Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever," he said. "You might want to think about that."
"You forget some things, dont you?" "Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.""
//Cormac Mccarthy; On the Road
This week is really a crunch week like nothing I've experienced before. One research paper and one presentation deadline followed by another research paper and written submissions deadlines and a final year exam in the following week. It's like everyone decided to hit you the hardest when you're already down haha. I don't mind the work actually, but I really have a thing against compiling presentation slides! And not because it's hard to do, but because I'm a little OCD about slides. And once I start, I can't stop and I end up spending hours on something that will probably flash past everyone in a few minutes argh.
Haha but I'm trying my best to find joy in everything I do also, cos I know once the term is over, we'll look back and be amazed that the rubber band has stretched another inch without breaking.
"History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices."
//Calvin and Hobbes
I've taken all the steps that I could, that I needed to. And now it's no longer in my hands. So keep your side of the bargain, return what belongs to me and then we're done.
"It's not my story anymore: whenever I speak about the past now, I feel as if I were talking about something that has nothing to do with me. All that remains in the present are the voice, the presence, and the importance of fulfilling my mission. I don't regret difficulties I experienced; I think they helped me to become the person I am today."
//Paul Coelho; The Zahir
That was a hard, cold way of reminding me why I need to get up and resolve to place a seal upon my heart each and every day. And of course, I needed it. Needed to remember why I put everything down to run after you and why some things are better left out of sight, out of mind. Step by step, until there are only two more steps to go. You never make it easy for me because you know this is my area of weakness. But I know that you put me through it because it grows my character and one day I will be complete. Slowly, steadily, surely.
